So much of what we read on here is stressful so this post is for those moments when you just gotta laugh! :D
Today, before lunch my mom was in the bathroom and I went in to help her. I asked her if she "had a poop." She said "do I want some soup?" When I told her what I said, we both started laughing so hard I thought I was going to wet MY pants!
When she tells me she can't walk to the bathroom with her walker, I start singing "Over hill, over dale as we hit the dusty trail" and she chimes in "as the cassons (spelling?) go rolling along." We spend a lot of the day having impromptu sing alongs.
I put out some bird feeders outside the dining room window and so far no birds but we enjoy watching the squirrel's antics. He's a hoot!
Why not post something fun, funny or kooky that made you laugh. I know there must be something...:)
Julie Q
Can you cry under water?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Old is when your sweetie says “Let’s go upstairs and make love” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”
Old is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
Old is when a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
Old is when going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
Old is when you don’t care where your spouse goes as long as you don’t have to go along.
Old is when you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police.
Old is when “getting a little action” means you don’t need to take any fiber today.
Old is when “getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
Old is when an “all nighter” means not getting up to pee!
Last night the nursing home called. I hate to see their number on my caller ID. Dad fell again, they think. Housekeeping went by and saw him on his knees. I told them I didn't think he was praying. They asked him if he fell and how. He said yes but didn't know the rest of the answer. An hour later he couldn't even remember having fallen. I visited and asked him, "What were you doing? Trying out for the circus? Do you want to be an acrobat? Would you like us to bring you a trampoline or a flying trapeze?" I love to tease the Dad who used to tease me. He responded, "What's a circus? Acrobat?" Not only can't he remember being on the floor, he can't even remember my name! Still, sometimes it's funny. Just hope he never forgets how to laugh.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended in a tie.
8. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking
in to it.
9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to theother, "You stay here, I'll go on a-head."
11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off theGrass.'
13. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
14. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
15. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
16. Don't join dangerous cults; practice safe sects.
My mother likes to sing so we devise a lot of songs to get things done. She's religious and when she says she can't stand up, I start singing "Stand Up Stand Up for Jesus"...that gets her going. When she can't get out of bed it's "Wake up, Wake up you sleepy head, get up get up get outta bed" from When the Red Red Robin Comes Bob Bob Bobbin Along." When we walk to the bathroom we sing "Over the River and Through the Woods to Grandmother's House We Go." She always joins in singing. It's surprising how many songs work in these situations. She has even started singing some songs herself that fit the situations.
I find that when we laugh or sing, we distract them and ourselves away from the pain or something they don't want to do and it makes us happier.
If you want to watch a fun DVD, get Mamma Mia and you'll be dancing around the room!
Julie Q
1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)
2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean you are an island. If you don't have ocean
all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne , age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson.
She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) - A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and
comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean.
Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind
come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William,
age 7 )
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like
their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?
(Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying,
my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I
can't think what to write. (Amy, age 8)
10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you
a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to
plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy
small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down
alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going
very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big
fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't dround I don't
know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he
doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
SHE TOLD ME ONE DAY MIJA, (IAM OF SPANISH DECENT) AND THAT IS DAUGHTER. SHE SAID IAM GOING TO DO MY OWN CLEANING OF MY FALSE TEETH, TO HELP YOU OUT, I SAID OK, AND I SHOWED HER WHERE THE FALSE TEETH PACKETS WERE AT. A FEW DAYS DOWN THE ROAD SHE SAID DON'T YOU THINK MY TEETH LOOK WHITER SINCE I HAVE BEEN TAKEN CARE OF THEM, AND I SAID YES MOM, YOUR DOING A GREAT JOB, THAN SHE SAID, YOU NEED TO PICK UP MORE OF THE FALSE TEETH CLEANING PACKETS, AND I SAID MOM I JUST GOT A BIG BOX, SO I WENT IN THE BATHROOM TO SEE HOW MUCH WERE LEFT AND FOUND THE BOX ALMOST FULL, I WENT BACK IN THE ROOM AND SAID MOM YOU HAVE ALOT IN THE BOX, AND SHE SAID THOSE ARE NOT THE ONES IAM USING, I SAID COME AND SHOW ME WHAT YOUR USING AND SHE SHOWED ME THE BOX OF ALKA-SELTZERS COLD PLUS, I TOLD HER MOM, THOSE ARE FOR WHEN YOU HAVE A COLD, SHE SAID I LIKED THE BUBBLES IT MADE AND IT SMELLS GOOD, THEY WERE LEMON FLAVOR, WE LAUGHED AND LAUGHED, SHE SAID AT LEAST I WON'T GET A COLD YUH. NEEDLESS TO SAY I REMOVED THEM FROM THE MEDICINE CHEST.
Oh my God. What a beautiful way to start my day. I am still laughing!!!!I am from the south, so this is funny because I probably would die in that kind of cold. OHH, Thanks for a great begining to my day......God Bless You
Zero: People in Miami all die. Minnesotans close the windows.
10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico . Minnesotans dig their winter coats out of storage.
25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. Girl Scouts in Minnesota still selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero: Washington , D.C. finally runs out of hot air. People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get upset because the Mini-Van won't start.
460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops. People in Minnesota can be heard to say, "Cold 'nuff fer ya?"
500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Minnesota public schools open 2 hours late.
60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. Minnesotans plant gardens.
50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People are sunbathing in Duluth.
40 above zero: Import cars won't start. Minnesotans drive with the sunroof open.
32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Bemidji gets thicker.
20 above zero: New Mexicans don long johns, parkas and wool hats
How Do You Catch A Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall?
Dam!
What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't Work?
A Stick.
What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?
Frostbite.
What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
The lady in the river had a sliver in her liver
Tonight we were playing cards (Go Fish!) with my partner, Richard. He had won two games so I stuck my tongue out at him so Mom did, too! I told her if he won the next game we would have to "flip him the bird" indicating to her what I meant. She laughed her head off!
Later we watched the film "Gease." We have closed captioning on for her since she is hard of hearing. There is the line about "did she have bigger jugs than Annette" with the response being "no one has bigger jugs than Annette." She found that to be quite hilarious, too. Of course she often reads the closed captioning outloud!
My mother given name is Emma - which she never liked. She goes by Emily. I tell her "Knock, knock." She says, "Whose there?" (we've worked on this) and I say "Emma". She says "Emma, who?" "Emma going have trouble with you?" This never fails to get her giggling.
And today the squirrel was hanging upside down trying to break into the bird feeders.
Julie Q
Lira
I agree - laughter is about the only thing (besides prayer) that keeps me going. The other day at lunch, I asked my mom if she wanted coffee, tea or water to drink. She said coffeeteacoffeeteacoffeeteawaterwaterwater - so I gave her water and she said it was just what she wanted.
Take care - Lira