This post is about ME, all about ME. I cannot talk to family yet, and have no desire to dump this on my kiddoes when it was commented on Sunday that we are really drama free right now! And it feels so good!
OK--
I have had this lump on the side of my neck for, gosh, weeks, since I first noticed it. Kind thought it was weird, but assumed a pulled and swollen muscle as I do a lot of heavy lifting in my gardening---
Lump doesn't go away, and now I am feeling that it's really tender and sore. A big hug from a g-daughter on Saturday had me reeling in pain. Sunday it was very noticeable--and more painful.
Just got back from my PCP who SAW it and said "Holy Cow, nobody but you has noticed this? It's huge!" He palpated my neck, both sides, and said there isn't ONE, there's at least 3 lumps. The big one is the size of a lime, the other one, the size of a ping pong ball and the little on the size of a BIG marble. He had me feel them and then I could feel that there are 3 of them.
This doc is calm beyond belief, but he had me scheduled for a CT scan for Thurs am or sooner if my ins oks it. Blood tests for infection and he did put me on an antibiotic and said he'd be calling me daily.
Ok--like I said, this guy is SUPER calm. He wasn't today. He actually looked really concerned and that scared me. I said "What's your first take on this?" He paused and said, "You're not stupid and you have kids who are doctors and if I don't give it to you straight you'll be calling them. It looks like cancer. I hope I'm wrong. Let's wait for the CT scan and move from there. It's NOT nothing, so we need to be aggressive. These lymph nodes are ginormous."
So---wow. I realize he wouldn't tell a 'regular' patient this right off the bat, and of course I hope he's wrong--but there are some other symptoms, which I won't go into which is why he said he thought first off, the big C.
I don't wanna have cancer.
I'm not saying anything to anyone b/c if he's wrong, I'll upset the fam for nothing. But I feel like I could come here and spill my guts and ask for prayers and I'll feel them.
So--if you are a praying person, please offer one up for me that I can be strong for whatever this is. If you're a 'good thoughts out in the world' send some for me.
I'll be honest. I'm slightly terrified.
(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))
I suggest that you do speak to one of your Dr kids, and let them know, so that they can help you to calm your nerves, or at least to vent to them. I hope you have a Valium available to help you to sleep at night while you wait for tests and results. In the meantime, keep busy and rest when you are feeling tired! I am sorry for the stress this creates for you! Take Care!
Support and prayers.
Ok I'm off my soap box now, having been in a similar position I know all too well what you are going through and I do identify with your instinct not to put your loved ones through what you are going through right now. Anytime you need to vent or want a friend feel free to come here or PM me. I'll be thinking about you, praying for you.
Also I know your PCP told you what you were expecting to hear and the chances are good but there is also a good chance this isn't C, there are other things that can cause growths on the neck like this that are benign or non cancerous so try to keep some optimism too.
According to this, it's MUCH more likely to be an infection, Mid. Breathe. And take your Xanax!!!!!!
i hope you get that CAT scan quickly.
I am am sure that whatever the outcome is, you will be able to handle. You are strong enough. Keep positive thoughts and talk to Son in law very soon. He may have insight that could help you now.
come here and tells us the scan results...we are all praying for you and are concerned for you.
I hope all it is is an infection.
Saying a prayer for you...
PLEASE when you see the doctor for the results take someone with you..good or bad you will need some support!
Please keep us posted cuz ya know we will all worry about you.
more ((((HUGS))))
Perhaps since Thursday is right around the corner maybe it is best to say nothing until you know more. I wish you strength in the coming days.
I have dear friends who are Catholic and all the while DH was sick, with whatever he currently had---they kept candles lit for him. While I am not of your faith---prayers are heard, I know and I appreciate you so much!!
I am a basket case, but I do 'basket case' very calmly.
ALso, I am kind of medicated and I have the OK to take a double dose of my sleeping pills for the next couple nights.
I will go this alone until I have a definite something to tell my kids. I know I will have their support, and I know how much I am loved by them....I just don't want to put them through anything.
Sadly, over the many years of putting DH and his health issues first, all my 'friends' got tired of my drama and they slipped away. I have no really close friends, except for my daughters.
Going to take that sleeping pill now and head to bed. Been a long, scary day.
This is a weird change of pace. It's always DH we're dealing with. I don't KNOW how to be sick~
Thanks to all of you. Truly, my heart is much calmer now.
Just the other day, I read your account of your gallbladder odyssey + mental wipe-out a couple of decades ago. That story really touched me.
“Just plowing through” is tricky. It serves us well.....until it doesn’t. 😶
Thinking of you during this rough patch. I understand your desire to keep quiet with the family. For now. When it’s time to talk, give yourself permission to have needs.... to be supported.
And yes, we are all aware of the elephant in the (neighboring bed)room. His reputation precedes him! Find your strength wherever you can.
You are a wonderful, giving person. Many in your circle are ready to give back to you. They’re just waiting for the green light. From you 🤗
My step mother in law has non Hodges lymphoma. It came up suddenly like what has happened with you. It was advanced when found, but I have to let you know it has been over 10 years and with treatment she is well.
I hope that if this is cancer it is treatable.
I am here with you in my thoughts.
I am hoping like the others this is just a nasty infection.
I could say “Don’t go there til you have to go there”. I know that’s the wise way to think but for some of us it is impossible.
I am torn about you not telling your adult kids. You really should not be shouldering this alone. I think you should tell someone.
I kept something like this from my adult kids for weeks during testing. I had to travel out of town for the all clear. They found out as I was traveling home with the all clear. The fall out wasn’t pretty. I think I damaged their trust in me for a good while. But it’s a personal choice and I respect that.
rest and hydrate -
relax ahead of the test Thursday - you can get through this - God will direct your steps
God Bless!
We’re rooting for a good outcome!