My mother in law is in a nursing home. Is it hard to move from one facility to another?

Busylady - Sorry you and your husband are having to deal with this. My 91 year old mother's dr. told me that depression of the geriatric variety can mask itself as anxiety including OCD and AD-type behaviors. The essence of the issues are what we already basically know....the aged have very little control over their lives (& they are more aware of this than they often will share) and these are some of the coping mechanisms they employ. Sometimes when my mother is behaving this way I try to remember this and it makes me less angry and impatient....perhaps this will help your husband as well. Hugs for comfort and peace for you both....

If she is physically aggressive or assaultive, many places will not take her. Your best bet is to talk to her MD about medications that will help calm her down. If you think she is mistreated, go to the Patient Advocate and sort it out. Ask them to put a camera in her room for surveillance.

I would talk to the MD about constant fear, because the clonazepam may need to be adjusted. With our mom we found that Xanax alone didn't settle her, and the MD added half a Celexa at bedtime. Mom's BP meds were also switched to a beta blocker, Metoprolol, because it also helped with fear.

I moved my Mom because we moved. She has found the adjustment difficult. She's in a better facility now, but she misses the friends she made at the old one. She's just unhappy and depressed no matter what. She is a bit nuts with the OCD as well. As difficult as it was I wouldn't hesitate if I thought she was being mistreated. She lied frequently when she was younger and now it can be difficult to find out exactly what's the truth and exaggeration.

It doesn't do any good to get mad about it. Talk to the facility's activity director and see if she can help her find things to focus in other than how miserable she is.

Unless you have proof that she is being mistreated, don't jump the gun. Moves are so difficult for them to adjust to. Try to get to know the staff. The more they like you and see you around, the more willing they are to help and talk to you. If mom is hard to deal with, they may not know that you are on their side and are willing to help. Talk to the doctor. Medications can be altered and adjusted. A good doctor will keep at it until the right combination or dosage is found. It took us over 7 months to find the right mix for my father in law to at least be "not so fearful". We visit with the staff, bring them cookies, and they always tell us "he is tough. but, we love him." As long as we know that they care - we know they are trying their best to take care of him. That helps us sleep better at night - knowing that he is with people that are trying to do what is best for him. Good Luck.

BusyLady- Moving a dementia person seems to always be a struggle. She is alot like my 88 yr old mom, who was diagnosed with AZ-DM last spring. My parents were in a senior apartment living that could step up into AL or Memory Unit, Hospice. Mom's aggressive and strange behavior led us to putting on AL status but keeping her in their apartment with my father. By the end of August after six months on a cocktail of anxiety, sleep, "memory" meds, not much had changed. Although she was having the meds. given to her (3X a day), she was adamant about not eating the Homes food (poisoning her) and letting help in to clean, assist with dressing, showering, etc (They take her "things") - all included in the AL care but no way was she accepting that loss of independence. Naturally we took her car away ( she gave the keys to the postmaster and said she didn't know who's high tec car this was and she had to run the FBI was after her!) and had to have her mail censored as she had become obsessed with sweepstakes and scams. She hated having to take all the pills, the side effects, and how she felt on them and often spit them out secretly. In August, I met with her Doctor and we took her off all the meds except for one (seroqual SP?). Just the act of doing this seemed to help calm her (She got something she wanted and was "In control" of her life. (Imb123 above hit that right on) SHe is old and the AZ-DM is going to progress through its stages and why stale it out with meds. She has gotten increasingly confused about some things but this weird disease also is not specific in what it choses to let its hosts remember or forget. While she still blames everything on anybody but herself, this has even been tempered as things show up that went missing and she realizes that it is she who is confused.
Regarding moving- We recently had to move them from their apartment to a smaller (1bd,1bath vs 2 bed 2 bth plus den) unit temporarily during a three month remodel time and this was difficult. More so on my father I fear as he needs some space to get away now and then (Married 63 years and doing surprisingly well so far). He decided he would just go to Florida for a few months, but Mom insisted she should go with him, so they have. I packed Mom's bag for the trip during the apartment move ( She unpacked it numerous times checking what I put in there.)and Dad got two months of meds from the AL nurses and says he will make sure she gets them. They have been down there a week so far and while mom spent the first few days in her bathrobe all day, Dad has been taking her out and about now to some of her favorite places (they wintered there for years) and has picked up some cooking skills as Mom has not shown any interest in preparing her own food lately. I have encouraged him to get some help with taking her out, cleaning the apartment, "companion", etc. and hopefully he will find someone.

I hope the center your MIL is in is a good one as abuse does happen with "unfriendly" residents. I also feel getting to know the nurses and asking how you can help them in handling behavior issues helps. (I send flowers at Christmas to the nurses and thank them profusely whenever I am there)
Keep in contact with her doctors and discuss side effects. Also have them confirm there is no UTI as often that builds into some paranoia and psychotic behavior.
Hope this helps! xo Hugs

Trust your gut, if you feel she's being mistreated then she probably is. Find an appropriate facility to your liking, physically visit the facility, even tour if you can, check on line for complaints about them, their rating, if you like the facility, have them do the transfer paperwork for you, most will, and they'll pick her up too. I had to do this for my dad. Facilities will review their records, my dad was turned down by some because someone had written in his chart that he yelled a lot, but we actually ended up with a very good facility for him, with an exceptional physical therapy department. Her medications might need to be adjusted as well. Also keep in mind, when relocated many people become more confused and agitated at first, it fades once they've settled in. Good luck.

I moved my mom from NH #1 just as soon as she was OK'd for Medicaid and all the dust settled on her billing. The NH # 1 was initially totally changed to crap.

Once they are on Medicaid, it is pretty easy to move them from one NH to another as long as the other NH wants to have them. Medicaid does not allow for the old NH to place any penalty on their move too as Medicaid reimburses on a day rate.

You do need to find a NH that will accept her. For us, my mom was just super old with mid to late stage Lewy Body Dementia and so she is an easy resident for a facility. NH # 2 did send over a 2 person team (RN & SW) to evaluate her before they would accept her. I did the paperwork for admission and a request for the evaluation done prior to this & I also sent a request to her MD for access for her medical records too in advance. All OK for new NH # 2, and they called me from her room to tell me she was fine for them. I moved her a couple of weeks later when I came back into town (I live in another state). New NH even let me come over the afternoon before and set up mom's room with her photos, linens, etc.

One thing very important is that you HAVE TO GET ALL THEIR MEDS! Medicare & Medicaid pay for meds on a 30, 60 or 90 day packet of drugs. These are usually in a hanging bag in a drug closet or at the nurses station. You must get all their meds as the M & M's will not pay for duplicate meds. This could be very expensive if you have to private pay for this. So take a box of Ziplocks for this. And she had to be at the new NH by like 10:30 AM for NH #2 to be paid by Medicaid for the day, so ask about any time requirements. Good luck.

Thank you for your response. I don't think she is agreesive or assultive. She has very bad OCD and AD, so her taking anything other than her clonazapan is not going to fly with her. She has been in a lot of mental health facilities but never got on anything that helped her. She has cateracs and is afraid to get them removed because she's afraid they (the facility) won't take good care of her before or after the procedure. She is just in constant fear. I just needed to share. My husband is struggling with this whole thing. He gets so angry with her, so I am kind of the buffer. Thanks for listening;)