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My mother is 76 and an alcoholic. I believe she is in stage 4 of alcoholism. She tries to hide her drinking from me (she does a terrible job of that). I have tried to talk to her a few times but she either denies she has a problem or she gets very angry.


She drinks every night starting between 4 & 5 pm and usually goes to bed around 9 but sometimes stays up much later drinking. She wakes up in the middle of the night and has more drinks. She has 2-3 drinks when she gets up in the morning. I believe if I didn't live with her she would drink all day some days.


During the day when she is not drinking she is withdrawn. She does sudoku puzzles all day and when I say all day, I mean ALL DAY. For hours at a time, puzzle ofter puzzle. I try to talk to her, draw her into conversations but either she is ignoring me or she truly doesn't realize I'm talking.


Lately while she is drinking she will "latch on" to a certain phrase and repeat it over and over and over. I have a 5-month-old kitten who is VERY active and this morning it was "wild and crazy cat!" for over two hours straight. I finally brought him into my bedroom to keep her from saying it anymore but she still repeated it several times before she realized he wasn't downstairs with her anymore.


I don't know if this is dementia or alcoholic dementia. My understanding is that, if it is alcoholic dementia, it should go away if she quits drinking. Is there a difference or is it the same thing?


I know that she's had a drinking problem for at least 20 years but it has escalated since she retired.


I would also like to know what, if anything, I can do legally to get her to get help. In NC I can have her committed for 72 hours but I know if I did that, when she got out she would be LIVID and I'm afraid of what she might do in retaliation.

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Leigh

Im posting two links for you. I hope they help.


The first is on the dementia caused by alcohol.


https://www.ninds.nih.gov/Disorders/All-Disorders/Wernicke-Korsakoff-Syndrome-Information-Page

The second is one started by “UpStream”, a long time poster whose mom was about the same age as yours and an alcoholic. You may find it helpful.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/what-if-i-refused-to-pick-her-up-from-the-hospital-440244.htm?orderby=recent
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leigh0524 Sep 2021
Thank you so much. Those were a big help.
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Leigh, does your Mom live with you? She is only 76, so I am assuming she is getting her alcohol on her own, without your help in shopping? There is so much missing here that I really cannot think how to begin to answer you. But one thing I can assure you, and that is that true alcoholic encephalopathy does not go away. It destroys the brain as much as any other loss of brain cells, and is not reversible. The trick is in knowing if that is what you are dealing with, and without a thorough workup, something it is unlikely your Mom will allow, there will be no knowing if that is what you are dealing with. I will tell you that it is unusual for someone with destroyed brain cells for ANY reason to be able to DO sudoku. So there is that. You may be dealing with plain old alcoholic behavior. If you are dealing with it in your own home, I would caution you not to. Because you will never be able to change an alcoholic who doesn't wish to change, and you will frustrate yourself terribly trying to.
Wishing you good luck. I would highly suggest you attend al-anon. For the resources you will be hooked up with, if for no other reason.
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Leigh,

There are many forms of dementia and people can have more than one.

Alcoholism can mask signs of dementia, we blame their odd behaviour on the drink, but it can also lead to dementia.

If you Mother has been an alcoholic for a long time and stops drinking cold turkey, she can also show signs of dementia.

What applies in your Mum's care? We have know way of knowing. You can ask for an assessment, but you may not get a clear answer.

You said you are a recovered alcoholic, please protect your sobriety. It is far more important that Mum.

If Mum is in denial that she has a problem then you know no amount of talking will change her mind.

If she is driving drunk, I believe you have a moral obligation to inform the authorities. She does not have the right to put anyone else at risk.
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leigh0524 Sep 2021
She doesn't drive drunk often but I know that she has. If she runs out of gin she will climb in her car and head to the nearest liquor store, which really isn't what I would call "close". It's about 15 minutes away. The problem is that I don't know she's gone until she gets back. When she's drinking I stay upstairs in my office or bedroom so I don't hear her leave.

Thank you for your concern for my sobriety. If anything, being around her helps me stay sober. I look at her and think "Yep, that's why I quit!"
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I live with her. She asked me to move in when the pandemic started. It was supposed to be just for a few months but once I realized she was having these kinds of problems I decided to stay. I know now that decision wasn't really in my best interest. I'm moving out in a couple of months but I do worry about leaving her alone again. I think I am likely the reason she does not just sit down there and drink all day long.
Yes, she gets her alcohol on her own. I am a recovering alcoholic, she knows I will not get it for her.
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AlvaDeer Sep 2021
Her choices for her life must be her own, Leigh. I would go ahead and make your own life. You should not, as a recovering alcoholic be in this environment. Do keep up with your own meetings, and with al-anon. I wish you luck.
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Dementia manifests iteslf in a number of unusual symptoms. What symptoms are you recognizing? Don't try to guess at the cause of any odd behavior you notice. Her doctor can screen her for dementia, and if dementia is suspected, a referral to a neurologist would be made. But remember, dementia is not a disease, it refers to a continuum of symptoms. These symptoms can have many causes, Alzheimer's being the most prevalent. However, long time alcohol abuse can be a cause of dementia symptoms. Alcohol related dementia symptoms can be caused by a condition called Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome . This condition can cause brain cell damage and if caught early enough can be treated. However, if she's been drinking for 20 years, major brain damage may have already occurred. Don't try to figure it out, have her see a doctor.
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