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Hi guys, my father has been in the ICU for three weeks this coming Sunday fighting septic shock. He’s had kidney failure, his lung collapsed, heart problems and also had a tracheotomy fitted yesterday. I’m really struggling mentally. I’ve was off work tlast week and a couple of days this week as I’m just not coping. Is this normal? I’m so stressed and everytime I go to work I feel more stressed worrying about him when I’m not with him in hospital, he’s an addict which is what has caused his sepsis from a abscess in his groin. I’m worried about losing my job and my work hasn’t been paying me since I’ve been off and I’m even more anxious about money troubles but I just don’t know what to do. Sorry it’s more of a rant than looking for advice!

Surely you don't want to lose your job on top of everything else right?
If your company doesn't offer FMLA, then I would suggest that you perhaps just work 1/2 days or even every other day if your job would allow it.
ICU hours are pretty strict I know, and there's not much you can do for your father now, except pray, so it's really not worth losing your job over by not going to work.
Your father certainly wouldn't want that for you.
And perhaps you need to talk to your doctor about going on some kind of anti-depressant/medication until this situation plays out one way or another.
The medical staff is talking good care of your father now, so you need to start taking better care of yourself including your job.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Sitting day after day at Dad’s bedside isn’t doing either of you any good .

He has a whole team taking care of him .

I’m sure Dad would not want you to lose your job . Go back to work . Seek some counseling to deal with your worry and anxiety. Also see your primary physician about maybe some med to help with the anxiety and stress even if you just need it temporarily so you can work . Buspar is what they prescribe for police officers who need it , doesn’t cause drowsiness in most people . They still need to be alert and quick .
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Reply to waytomisery
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I’m sorry for your worries. Worry is a frustrating emotion as it traps us and changes nothing. Your father is exactly where he needs to be, getting the care he needs. What is going to happen with him is going to happen, no matter your freaking out. Please consider your own health and future. It’s what your dad, if healthy and whole, would want for you
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Your father's serious condition certainly would make any daughter anxious and worried. I am certain that your work environment understands this, and I am hopeful that you spoke with them.
Sepsis is very serious, and many cannot survive it. Because the infection goes to all systems through the blood steam organs often shut down. I don't know if your father is expected to survive, but can you tell us how old he is, if he is at all aware, and if he is or is not on a ventilator at this point? Is he at all awake or are they keeping him in a medicated coma.

I am so sorry, but if you were not beside yourself with anxiety at this crucial stage for your father I think that would be the abnormal thing.
I am very hopeful that you have family with you?
Do you have friends who can support you during this time?

Do please consider asking ICU to contact social services personnel and do express to them the extreme anxiety you are suffering. Ask for any support they can provide to you. Also consider seeing your own doctor now for some medication to help you sleep.

Taking care of yourself means not staying in hospital all the time with Dad now. Patients in ICU seldom remember a single thing about that time, having an almost total amnesia about ICU stays. So it's important you go home, eat, sleep, watch something to take your mind away while the medical teams work for your father.

Good luck. So sorry you are going through this. If you have no friends I believe a Narco-Nan meeting or even AA or Al Anon would support you and help you.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Go back to work if you can and do the best job you can do while he is getting cared for.
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Reply to southernwave
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You haven’t told us how old Father is, or your own circumstances. Your F’s situation is a bit of a disaster - “septic shock, kidney failure, lung collapsed, heart problems, a tracheotomy, ICU for three weeks”, plus he’s an addict. It may help you to calm down if you accept that this may be the end of the road for him. We all have to die, and his time may be coming. Calm yourself, and just wait. Worrying, sitting by his bedside when he's barely conscious, or losing your job, won’t make him any better.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Go to your job. Have a daily update with the treating doctor and case manager. Acute hospital care is the best care he is going to receive. Skilled nursing care will likely be worse, if that’s where he ends up. It will take more of your time. Be prepared for discharge planning conversations with case managers. Set the boundaries and expectations now. If he is going to need ongoing care or rehab or support, tell them clearly what you can and can’t do. Don’t agree to being his 24/7 supervision or caregiver unless you really understand and want to. He should qualify for some rehab based on his prior level of functioning and current status. Advocate for him but don’t take on the responsibility for his care. Losing your job and benefits will likely not help you. Or him. Read more on this site. There is tons of information from people who have been exactly where you are today. Go home after work. Call the hospital for an update. And then get a good nights rest. He’s getting care. You don’t have to be there.
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Reply to Beethoven13
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That all sounds so stressful. I really feel for you. If the 97 in Kels97 means you were born in 1997 you are so young to have to bear all this. I hope you have friends and family to help you cope.

Can you ask at work if they offer FMLA (family medical leave act) for caring for a family member? I got a week of that when my dad was dying. If not, maybe you could use vacation or sick time?

Preserving your own health and safety (income stream, health insurance, home, food) are paramount. If it helps, try reminding yourself — even say it out loud to yourself — that he is where he needs to be and there is nothing more you can do for him. You are doing everything you reasonably can and have to take care of yourself.
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Reply to Suzy23
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