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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
If you were raised to be accepting of continuous abuse and to believe you are "bad", or "bad if you don't do as directed" it may be necessary now to seek out professional help. I don't think a whole forum full of people could convince you if there is some ideology you were taught, steeped in life long, that holds you responsible for your parent's happiness. I hope you can find some help to comb out your feelings and learn not to accept abuse. When we are so determined we are worthless and worthy only of abuse we will often seek out abusive relationships long after the abusing parent is dead. Please get help for yourself; you are worth the trouble to change.
There is no reason for you to tolerate verbal abuse, none. If her dementia causing this, you still need to stop being in her line of fire. Don’t move her back into your home. Call the Area agency on Aging and ask for advice on living options for her. When the verbal berating starts, leave or get off the phone each and every time. Don’t argue or explain just go. Of course you’re tired of it and for your own well being please stop listening to it
Tammy, what are your mother's finances? Can she afford Assisted Living? You wrote in your profile that she lived with you for 8 months. How did that come about that she came to live with you? Do you have siblings? Do you have POA? HCPOA?
So sorry that things are so difficult with your mom. Sounds mostly like it could be the dementia talking. Try your best to not take it to heart. Try to distance yourself mentally and let her crap roll off your back. AL is VERY expensive. One place I looked at is $5-6K/month. Whew.
Anyone dealing with this is tired of it. Don't be too hard on yourself.
With Dementia ur Mom should not be living alone. An Assisted living with a Memory care unit will suggest MC which cost more.
What stage do u feel Mom is in? My Mom was in her last stage by the time I placed her in LTC. For me, I thought at times her care was better than in the AL. You will get her in a LTC facility quicker if she pays privately. My Mom paid 2 months privately then went on Medicaid. If I had not had Moms house to deal with, it would have been perfect. All her needs were met. No more trying to get the best deals on Depends. No more being responsible for her prescriptions. I allowed the NH to become her payee for SS and her pension. I now could just visit and enjoy that some of my responsibilities were lifted.
I have a feeling ur Mom has been like this ur whole life so like Alva says, you have been conditioned. Her Dementia may be making it worse and there are meds.
It is now what Mom needs not what she wants. For you, you do not need to be her caregiver. Your responsibility is to find her a safe place for her to be cared for. You DO NOT deserve to be verbally abused even by a parent.
So find a nice place for Mom and visit when you feel like it. Let their doctor take over her care. And do not feel guilty.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Anyone dealing with this is tired of it. Don't be too hard on yourself.
What stage do u feel Mom is in? My Mom was in her last stage by the time I placed her in LTC. For me, I thought at times her care was better than in the AL. You will get her in a LTC facility quicker if she pays privately. My Mom paid 2 months privately then went on Medicaid. If I had not had Moms house to deal with, it would have been perfect. All her needs were met. No more trying to get the best deals on Depends. No more being responsible for her prescriptions. I allowed the NH to become her payee for SS and her pension. I now could just visit and enjoy that some of my responsibilities were lifted.
I have a feeling ur Mom has been like this ur whole life so like Alva says, you have been conditioned. Her Dementia may be making it worse and there are meds.
It is now what Mom needs not what she wants. For you, you do not need to be her caregiver. Your responsibility is to find her a safe place for her to be cared for. You DO NOT deserve to be verbally abused even by a parent.
So find a nice place for Mom and visit when you feel like it. Let their doctor take over her care. And do not feel guilty.