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Sometimes as I caregive, I find that it is rewarding in its own way. There have been times where I've had to be in 2 or 3 different places at once to bring or fix something then with the added task of the house, animals and my mother. There was one story in particular I remember where she was in the hospital one day and I had spent the entire night cleaning since she was going to have someone look at our house early the next day. So thinking she wasn't coming home, I went to sleep the following day. I get a phone call from her and some nurses that morning and I go drive over to the hospital, then figure out that she needs her motorized wheelchair. And so I drove back to the house, took it on the bus and drove it towards the hospital entrance to the e.r. room and essentially spent my day with her as she was trying to get to her urologist appointment. During the lengthy 2 1/2 hour wait in the lobby I was trying to devise a way for us to both get home but to no avail, I decided we would take the bus home instead. After that descision had been made, she was finally seen for a process which took 15 minutes and I remained positive while we got home, then immediatly put her to bed and had myself a drink. At the end of the ordeal I legitimately felt tired but overall proud that I could manage to pull any of this off.

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Every situation is unique depending on the level of care needed and the stubborn a**hole factor of the loved one.

For me, yes, I found many rewards.

I worked full-time and was the live-in caregiver for my mom. We were very lucky though, there was no dementia, serious illness, disease, or pain. I had my own Suite downstairs and live in help as well.

After after a couple of years I was exhausted. The "Team" (sibs) that was suppose to help out and provide support were a no-show, a no-go, or a just plain no-do. My life disappeared into the great Abyss called caregiving. My stress and frustration levels were running at a constant all-time high. My health suffered. I grew angry and bitter (still am). I am heartbroken with every disappointment handed to me from family and friends. It got so bad I even disowned a sister. Enter anxiety and depression...

At least at least my mom appreciated me and respected my decisions when everyone else did not. Although she did not have a clue as to how much work went on behind the scenes of everything I did, her face would light up with a smile every time I walked into the room and that was enough. I was pleased and proud of all that I was able to do for her. There was so much more I wanted to do or wished I had done. I'm amazed at strengths I found that I didn't think possible.

When when mom passed away earlier this year, she went feeling loved and happy.
I did that.
I'm at peace knowing I was there and I did the right thing. She's only been gone a few months and when I look back over our time together there are far more smiles then there are tears.

I'm still recovering from the experience, physically, mentally and emotionally. I still haven't been able to find the joy in life again . Time will tell.

Taking care of a loved one is not for the faint of heart that's for sure.
They call it a labor of love. It's not.

It's a exhausting, mind bending, heartbreaking, soul crushing, life sucking, thankless, slave labor of love.

But it's still love.

Hugs to you.
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dkentz72 Jul 2018
Mojorox, I'm in touch with what you went through, especially with the siblings.

My older sister...lived scott free at Mom's for over 10 yrs and then walked out WITHOUT telling me. Yes, she cut me out of the sibling circle, but leaving our Mom and step-father alone like that?! I tried to hire help, but because it didn't suit my sister, she didn't want it.
SHOCKED when I got the call from my step-sister who really runs neck/neck with my older sister!
Long story short, I went home to find out/see the situation given to me on extremely short now we need you notice. It was worse than I could ever imagine.
Tlook Mom to the doctor and found out Mom's Alzheimer's was worse than I ever knew! Dr told me that if things stayed like this, Mom would die before her next appointment in July!!
3rd trip home, Mom had to be placed in the hospital and that was her last hand because the Dr was going to place her in a facility. Me/husband had to place both in assisted living....I couldn't stop crying. I wouldn't let Mom see me when I had her discharged and taken to the group home.
Now I'm her guardian/conservator. When I had to see her Dr before he'd sign the Court papers....he told me I had done more for Mom's care in 2 months than my sister had in 10 yrs.

Family can disappoint and be cruel, but mine gave me the opportunity to get everything back to what she wants per her Will.
Siblings are expecting to get their hands on Mom's money, but I'll use every penny to make sure she is well taken care of first!
They don't have a clue as to what Mom needs, but I'll make damned sure she gets it while I'm living out of State!
She's my Mom and I promised to take care of her back when I was in the 7th grade! I just had to wait for God to answer my prayers.
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NO....at least not from the person, for whom you are providing care. I care for my mom for 15 years, and now she is in dementia and forgot everything, she loves more her son, who abandoned her completely, especially now, in her critical stage of life, and I am now the reason of all her troubles....
So its not rewarding, unless you are so STRONG person and can ignore unfair treatments understanding that he or she is not in their minds now....Very frustrating "job"....
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Feeling like an ungrateful child, I'm siding with "No." My mother is nearly 2 years into an Alzheimer's journey and when she last consented to see him, her doc told me hers was advancing rapidly and she might have three years left. Daily, my sister and I are seeing declines. I'm not a nurturing person and wasn't particularly close to my mother so for me, no, this is not rewarding. It's taxing and I'm resentful, but I'm doing my part so I can hold my head high when this is done. My sister has always been much closer and is an empathetic person - but even she's getting burned out.

A lot also depends on the person you're caring for, their condition, and any help you may be getting. TNtechie, your situation sounds rewarding, but you may be in better circumstances than some. I hope it stays that way for you.

I never saw this way of life coming. I don't want it and I feel like crap for thinking it, but I won't be sad when it's over.
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TNtechie Jul 2018
shb1964, my mother doesn't have dementia only MCI with short term memory problems so my situation with her is much different than other experiences - or even my own experiences with my father's care.

My father has advanced vascular dementia and is often quiet hateful. Dad has paranoid personality disorder and was a bit of a bully before dementia made everything 100 times worse. I helped my mother care for him for over a decade, locating my home near theirs so I could pop in every day when needed. Later I went to court to gain guardianship of Dad and to invalidate a POA signed for my brother 9 years after his doctors' deemed Dad incompetent. I placed Dad against his wishes in MC and sold his home to provide stable financing. I am estranged from my oldest brother and one of his sons - and to a degree from my father. Still, I do find satisfaction that Dad's needs are being well met. That he is still able to curse about me during my estranged brother's daily visits.

There have definitely been times when I felt resentment, especially during some of the most difficult days, and I still feel that sometimes even with my mother. That's very normal. Still you are hanging in there - if not for your parents then to meet your expectations of yourself and to support your sister. I suspect when your care giving days are over and you have recovered from the exhaustion, you will look back on this time and find some rewarding elements there.
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There can be so many different answers to this question. I'm sorry you went through such a trying and exhausting ordeal bringing your mother home from the hospital, but I'm glad you found some pride and satisfaction in your accomplishment of getting it done.

I find it rewarding when I'm appreciated, and when I feel I'm able to contribute something meaningful rather than just being used as an unpaid provider of services. There have been some good moments all throughout my 7+ years of caregiving, but most of it has been drudgery and conflict over what I wanted to provide vs what my mother wanted from me. Finally, in her last days, we seem to be on the same page, and it is very rewarding. I hope to take away good memories from this even though I think I'll miss her very much.
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I would never recommend caregiving to anybody. I've been dealing with my mom's Alzeheimer's for 10 years and for the past 4 years she was end-stage. Her needs are so severe the very moment I wake up I am stressed out and I have to attend to her every moment even for the most basic care--I have to CONSTANTLY struggle to get her to get up, take her medication (she fights it over half the time so it's bad enough to prepare it but to give it I have to think of psychology to get her to take her meds), and even going to the bathroom..well, she just goes in her pants. So I have to clean her up all the time and the cost of incontinence alone is about $100 a month (diapers, gloves, wipes, ointments). I have to keep her private parts clean because stool going there will cause an immediate infection which can be fatal. Her bowels are a living nightmare in itself. I manage them with lactulose because stool softeners alone do not work and with her advancing kidney disease I have to be careful what kind of laxative I give which can damage her kidneys more. Lactulose is safe..and she only needs about 5 ml a day and she goes like clockwork. but it took a long time to find the right dose for her. I keep a calendar when she pooped last because if she does not go for 2 days she gets impacted. So I freak when she does not go for a day so I have to give more lactulose (usually 10 ml) to get her to go the next day. Then back to 5 ml or 2.5 ml (when it gets too loose). My mind adapted to this living horror to the point I've become dependent on her just as much as she is of me. I lost my sense of self and I know one day she will die and I will have nothing left. I can't ever retire because my mom is a full-time job. So I'm really screwed up. Hopefully WW 3 will happen and none of this will matter. Is caregiving fulfilling? No. But I also realize when she dies I will have no family left so I'll be all alone and this is an ongoing fear of mine--I can't cope with her gone..but I can't cope with her so frail and prone to falling and confusion.
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shb1964 Jul 2018
I hear your desperation and it makes me very sad. Undoubtedly you will feel lost when she is gone. But I hope you quickly find your way and a purpose again. To give so much of yourself, you deserve a hand up in return. I wish you happier days ahead. There is life "after" or so I've been told. Good luck to you.
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Knowing I would have Lost my DH years earlier - yes, I found caregiving to be very rewarding. And, I was appreciated - which really does make a huge difference.
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For me it is not rewarding, not really. I work full time, plus overtime and once I get home I am a caregiver for my husband who does not appreciate anything at all. He is difficult and demanding, and that is our youngest daughters words! He is only 66, so he is angry also, despite the fact that if he had done some things differently the outcome might have been very different. So, no it is not rewarding for me. Some days I do wish he would just give it up. Then I feel very guilty. I have no life, but I do understand that this is not about me. So there are many times I have to just walk away when he uses abusive language; I have told him I will do so, so he does know. His memory is starting to go (He is in hospice care), and his body is slowly starting to shut down, but it is like watching the tide go out. If I was appreciated at all it would be different, but there is none of that. Also, I cannot afford to hire someone and he would not really like that, so it is a moot question. He hates being dependent; I get that, as I am just as independent, and I told him that I was taking notes for when I face the end of life issues; I don't want to be like him at all.
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YES! Just looking over at Mom and seeing that she is well is a reward - no more worrying about her basic safety and emotional well being as I did during several years she took care of my dad with advanced vascular dementia. She is rested and relaxed - often watering her flowers or reading books and newspaper, sometimes sweeping the floors or unloading the dishwasher.

I enjoy cooking for her and eating meals with her. I often hear stories about meals eaten decades ago with her parents and siblings or Sunday dinners at Grandma's house with the extended family. Even when she tells a story I have heard before, there are often some new details.

The best reward is probably seeing her interact with her great-grandchildren (ages 3-13). The older ones show off grade cards, school projects, new clothes and shoes. The youngest has decided Grandma is his reading buddy. He picks up the books and says "Come on Grandma, let's read!"

Taking care of someone who is always around and who's needs must always be met and knowing that their needs will only increase as time passes is a challenge; sometimes an overwhelming one. But there's also a certain pride in meeting that challenge, in being a person that is counted on.
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"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Colossians 3:23-24
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This is an interesting question. I thought I would find this rewarding, but most of the time I feel dread. I wonder if I’m making the right decisions. I worry about what will happen if I don’t cross my t’s or dot my i’s. My conversation with my mom is at a minimum. Yet she is miss chatty Kathy with others. I hear her lying on the phone and acting like a invalid when visitors come. I was close to my mom before all this. I miss my mom. I fear I won’t grieve when she passes. I feel robbed of that. I wish I could change my attitude and be wonderful. I guess I dread the future decline which will come. I expect more of myself. I’ve always prided myself with how I helped with my dad. I’m not getting that now and she really is easy to care for. Bummer.So final thought is I am glad to be able to care for my mom. I don’t want her in a facility. May I do a good job.
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