Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Is there adult daycare available near you so you can get breaks ?
Does your mother have money to pay for caregiver aides to come to the house so you get breaks and get to leave the home ?
It is important to take care of yourself ( I know easier said than done ) . Make sure you go to your doctor appts. Eat well , get sleep . Try to keep in touch with friends , hobbies , get out for walks etc . All the stress reducing things we see written about .
There are multiple threads that address this exact question . Look under the burnout section to read more ideas .
If your mother can afford it , it wouldn’t hurt for you to tour some memory care facilities so you know which ones you prefer ahead of time , should there be a reason you want to or need to place Mom in a care home.
Edited ….add ons . You don’t say how much hands on care Mom needs , if she can walk , feed herself etc . Just FYI , thinking ahead if Mom does not have money for memory care , when she gets to the point she needs a lot of hands on care , feeding , in a wheelchair , Medicaid will pay for SNF in any US state . Some US states Medicaid will pay for assisted living /memory care , although most don’t .
Also you could look for a local in person support group for caregivers of Alz/dementia sufferers .
Im not sure if there are some places for adult daycare. I’ll take a look online. She has pt these days, and my siblings stop by a little during the week. I can’t leave the house unless someone is with her so I don’t get out much. I think so on affording care aids. The pt asked if we needed occupational therapy help. I definitely think we do, though siblings thought it was best that I keep up with that. 🤦♂️
I definitely try. Agreed, that can be hard. I try to keep up with doctor appointments and friends. I’ll take a look at the threads. Thank you for that suggestion. I’ve been taking a look at the narcissistic mom threads.
that’s a good idea. I have seen some of the care homes available and my late father left a plan for her if she needs it. I think they have some tour options available. She hasn’t wanted to leave her home of 40 years.
Edited: Oops, Mom is 86, finally uses her walker and wheelchair, her legs give out often so she has had a number of falls. She can’t dress herself without help, needs help in the shower and getting into/out of the elevator. She can feed herself, but she can’t cook anymore or serve herself anything. She gets confused and agitated often, less around my siblings. That varies too though. That is good to know on the options.
Thank you. It’s a good feeling not to be alone on that. I understand.
Yeah, I think I was as well. I left home for a decade, went through a rough divorce and had young kids. I came back for a bit, Mom thought I needed to stay permanently though we don’t get on. I got on with my dad though. She wanted to move to a home with him, but that didn’t happen so she’s still clinging to the house basically.
yep, I get praised for my efforts sometimes and then they march out the door to go somewhere fun. I would prefer not to have to be a caregiver 24/7. It’s up in the air right now if we can get more help in with her medical issues. Afib is one new thing
They keep praising you so they don’t have to do anything .
So long as you are the solution , your siblings and Mom are happy with this arrangement .
What would happen if you said you were going away on vacation for a week because you needed a break ? Would they be willing to fill in ?
Also many assisted livings will take Mom on respite care so you could go away or just stay home for a week and get a break . If Mom has the money this could also be a trial that turns into permanent residency at some point .
I was told right away, by people who had tried it already, when I took on the care of my mom that I couldn't do it alone. You can't either. You have to find help. Look into home care for immediate help and start researching facilities. Of course she does not want to leave her home. But it isn't a want now, it's a need. Ease her into having more help instead of just you. You can be her advocate, help with getting everything set up for her. I didn't see here that you have POA or guardianship. If you are the one doing the care to make final decisions you need to have the authority. Banking, medical, all of it.
IMHO what you are attempting isn't sustainable. I think if you stay around on the Forum and read posts here it will help you realize that. You tell us in your profile that you suffer from a heart condition. You are already worrying that this isn't going to work. You have hard decisions to make that only YOU can make for yourself. I wish you the very best.
Definitely, I am beginning to realise that. The threads are helpful. I have asthma, anemia, low blood pressure and some conditions that complicate each other with stress. Ironically, my siblings don’t have any. My mom has Afib we recently found out. That is very true. Thank you.
Check your newsfeed , I responded to you on another thread where you had posted your very first post , more details about your situation.
You are allowed to stand up and say I can not do this anymore. You do not have to fulfill Mom’s request of staying in her home without accepting help from others besides you or because she doesn’t like being around strangers .
I’m very saddened to read on the other thread how this has impacted your children’s mental health and your relationship with them .
Just to start with, I would figure out what you are willing, and capable, mentally and physically to do and never go beyond what you can do.
It's great to do for are loved ones, but first and foremost you have to put you first!
And when you figure out how much you can do , then you have to make a plan to get help with the rest. People on this forum have great ideas and places to go.
I would also suggest that you stick here, and just read old post for a while. There is so much information here, and support, ignore the stuff you don't agree with but soak up the stuff you do..
Also I want to add, think about the future, which when I came on I was only thinking about today and next week. I was shocked at how many people did caregiving for 10 plus years, it really opened my eyes that I needed to put much more boundaries down now, instead of waiting until there are more and more setbacks.
My family now knows exactly how much I'm willing to do now and how much I'm not willing to do. For example when I came on here, my brother was made because he had to leave work because I wouldn't bring mom to doctors during a snow storm. They definitely get that now.
Let us know more about, who your taking care of, and there health issues etc....
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is there adult daycare available near you so you can get breaks ?
Does your mother have money to pay for caregiver aides to come to the house so you get breaks and get to leave the home ?
It is important to take care of yourself ( I know easier said than done ) . Make sure you go to your doctor appts. Eat well , get sleep .
Try to keep in touch with friends , hobbies , get out for walks etc . All the stress reducing things we see written about .
There are multiple threads that address this exact question . Look under the burnout section to read more ideas .
If your mother can afford it , it wouldn’t hurt for you to tour some memory care facilities so you know which ones you prefer ahead of time , should there be a reason you want to or need to place Mom in a care home.
Edited ….add ons .
You don’t say how much hands on care Mom needs , if she can walk , feed herself etc . Just FYI , thinking ahead if Mom does not have money for memory care , when she gets to the point she needs a lot of hands on care , feeding , in a wheelchair , Medicaid will pay for SNF in any US state . Some US states Medicaid will pay for assisted living /memory care , although most don’t .
Also you could look for a local in person support group for caregivers of Alz/dementia sufferers .
Im not sure if there are some places for adult daycare. I’ll take a look online. She has pt these days, and my siblings stop by a little during the week. I can’t leave the house unless someone is with her so I don’t get out much. I think so on affording care aids. The pt asked if we needed occupational therapy help. I definitely think we do, though siblings thought it was best that I keep up with that. 🤦♂️
I definitely try. Agreed, that can be hard. I try to keep up with doctor appointments and friends. I’ll take a look at the threads. Thank you for that suggestion. I’ve been taking a look at the narcissistic mom threads.
that’s a good idea. I have seen some of the care homes available and my late father left a plan for her if she needs it. I think they have some tour options available. She hasn’t wanted to leave her home of 40 years.
Edited: Oops, Mom is 86, finally uses her walker and wheelchair, her legs give out often so she has had a number of falls. She can’t dress herself without help, needs help in the shower and getting into/out of the elevator. She can feed herself, but she can’t cook anymore or serve herself anything. She gets confused and agitated often, less around my siblings. That varies too though. That is good to know on the options.
Yeah, I think I was as well. I left home for a decade, went through a rough divorce and had young kids. I came back for a bit, Mom thought I needed to stay permanently though we don’t get on. I got on with my dad though. She wanted to move to a home with him, but that didn’t happen so she’s still clinging to the house basically.
yep, I get praised for my efforts sometimes and then they march out the door to go somewhere fun. I would prefer not to have to be a caregiver 24/7. It’s up in the air right now if we can get more help in with her medical issues. Afib is one new thing
So long as you are the solution , your siblings and Mom are happy with this arrangement .
What would happen if you said you were going away on vacation for a week because you needed a break ? Would they be willing to fill in ?
Also many assisted livings will take Mom on respite care so you could go away or just stay home for a week and get a break . If Mom has the money this could also be a trial that turns into permanent residency at some point .
You are allowed to stand up and say I can not do this anymore. You do not have to fulfill Mom’s request of staying in her home without accepting help from others besides you or because she doesn’t like being around strangers .
I’m very saddened to read on the other thread how this has impacted your children’s mental health and your relationship with them .
Just to start with, I would figure out what you are willing, and capable, mentally and physically to do and never go beyond what you can do.
It's great to do for are loved ones, but first and foremost you have to put you first!
And when you figure out how much you can do , then you have to make a plan to get help with the rest. People on this forum have great ideas and places to go.
I would also suggest that you stick here, and just read old post for a while. There is so much information here, and support, ignore the stuff you don't agree with but soak up the stuff you do..
Also I want to add, think about the future, which when I came on I was only thinking about today and next week. I was shocked at how many people did caregiving for 10 plus years, it really opened my eyes that I needed to put much more boundaries down now, instead of waiting until there are more and more setbacks.
My family now knows exactly how much I'm willing to do now and how much I'm not willing to do. For example when I came on here, my brother was made because he had to leave work because I wouldn't bring mom to doctors during a snow storm. They definitely get that now.
Let us know more about, who your taking care of, and there health issues etc....
Oh yes boundaries are a must!
Best of luck