My father's health has rapidly decreased in the last year (limited mobility, obesity, COPD, CHF, and severe depression). For the last 5 years, he has come to depend on me more than ever before to the point where I am managing everything in his daily life apart from dressing and manually relieving his waste. Unrelated to his condition, my own circumstances have become unmanageable due to personal reasons, and this has rendered me unfit to both care for his and my own health, income, and hygiene. I have been unemployed and out of college for 3 years now, as we share his single income of money in the form of early retirement checks. I'm very worried that it's all becoming helpless. The roles have reversed in our relationship so suddenly and I'm less capable than ever to help or even find him the necessary help to keep him alive and happy. We are below poverty level and very unhealthy both physically and mentally, so making progress in setting up a coherent plan of action is extremely difficult. I have no idea where to go or what to do from here. I am very inexperienced with life and responsibility and am constantly in a state of ashamed panic with my inaction.
I would very much appreciate and am eternally grateful for absolutely anything this community might have to advise. I'm not very tech-savvy so I apologize if I'm using this forum inappropriately. Thank you very much for reading!
We contacted a lawyer who agreed to take his fee from the sale of the house. He managed her assets, did all the legal work, charged a lot, (which came out of the sale of the house, and was well worth it. )
She is now safely cared for in an assisted living facility. She has professionals watching over her. We feel good about it all. We sold the house, the money goes to the State of Connecticut, that allows the lawyer fee and any other expenses paid from the house sale and pays the assisted living cost on Medicaid.
She was not happy with it at first but soon realized that it was indeed the best option for everyone. She is safe, doesn’t have to worry, has new friends and the children are free to have non- stressful visits.
I never thought Medicaid would work this well.
best wishes to you. I know it is a stressful situation.
You received excellent advice from some of the members here. I read in your profile that your Dad is 65? Anyway, perhaps contact the Department of Elder Affairs in Merrit Island, FL for your Dad and perhaps they can guide you in the right direction:
http://elderaffairs.state.fl.us/
You have nothing to lose.
Wishing you and your Dad the best!
Jenna
If not, then it is time to call Adult Protective Services and ask for a visit. Tell them that you are BOTH in trouble now and in need of services and aid, and ask them to open a file. Tell them you cannot mentally, emotionally or physically care for your Dad, and at this point, due to your illness, for yourself.
You need some guidance in getting into the system, inadequate as it is, for whatever help is available. As you can see by the number of homeless flooding our streets, there is not always a lot of help to be had, but access what you are able to now. So sorry for your predicament.
May you get a social worker or ombudsman for assistance? Please ask his doctor how to get help as you can no longer handle this emergency situation on your own.
These are all good things! They show that you are intelligent, well-spoken and aware. And the fact that you came here for advice is an enormous step. It shows that you're not completely helpless.
If you have substance abuse issues, find an appropriate support group like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous. COVID restrictions might make in-person meetings difficult or impossible, but a group leader may be able to help you by phone.
The first thing to do is to help yourself. Once you get a handle on that, you can do anything.
Have faith in yourself. All of us here have faith in you. You can turn life around. And remember that with God, anything is possible.
Your post is extremely clear, well written, and shows self-awareness and that you are ready to get some help. The fog that these situations create can obliterate any mind, so any time you think that you have mental problems, think that it's not you, it's the fog.
Everybody has given you excellent advice here.
I will just add my most heartfelt encouragement to you.
https://www.nbcfl.org/about
- was set up primarily to support homeless people in your region; but looking at their programs and their range of services I think they might be able to offer you good advice and suggestions about where to start. If they can't help you, perhaps they'll know who can.
how to get on.wordpress.com
There is also cheerful drawings in color you might be lifted up by.
as well as relying on the excellent advice of caregivers here.
You are not responsible for your father's happiness. You can't have his recovery for him. Help him apply for Medicaid and get him into a facility (even if he doesn't want to). This is the only real option you have, given your financial situation and his health issues. In a facility he will get all the medical help he needs, and he will be with people his own age so he'll have more socialization. You will never be able to fly on your own successfully trying to care for the both of you. You won't be able to financially support the both of you. He is dysfunctionally dependent on you and you propping him up may be enabling his addiction issues. Therefore, putting up a boundary will force him to deal with his crap. And it is crap. He won't want to do it. He won't like. He'll resist it. But this is your only option. I wish you much wisdom, success in getting him re-situated and peace in your heart that you are doing the right thing for the both of you.
For Seaofworries problems to get better he must help himself first and then and only then can he help his Dad.
Please correct me if I read his profile wrong.
Jenna
Contact your local Area Agency on Aging (AAA) and ask the SWs there for help. There are some free Community Medicaid programs/services just based on need and monthly income. You can also get the long term Medicaid application started. The AAA SWs can place your father in LTC pretty close to immediately if needed. Ask the SWs where you can get some help for yourself too; they know where the public resources are.
If you believe you could and want to continue providing care, call your father's PCP's nurse and request Medicare bathing assistance and evaluation for PT and OT. Ask if there are other benefits and programs to help seniors in your father's situation.