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Your 75 y/o retired H waits on your 82 y/o mother hand and foot? That is ridiculous.

You and your H deserve to go to Aruba and take off on weekends. What will the plan be as your mother needs more caregiving? Do you work fulltime? How old are you?

Can your mother qualify for Medicaid? If she has a medical emergency and has to be hospitalized, you need to refuse to take her back. Since you work, you can't be her caregiver, and a 75 y/o can't be expected to be a caregiver, either.

Nothing will change if you aren't the one to force it.
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If she has no money, then she goes on Medicaid and gets placed in a nursing home type facility.
If she doesn't need a lot of care and doesn't need to be in memory care she will be put into room and board (custodial) care. Medicaid pays for this. It will not pay for a 24 hour caregiver for her to live in an apartment somewhere.
Whatever money or assets she has will have to go to whatever facility she ends up in then Medicaid will start paying.
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Contact your county office of aged and disabilities, make an appointment, or phone conversations…they will guide you in the Medicaid process.

google care advisors in your area. Find someone local, who can meet with you for tours etc. They will assist locating a facility that takes Medicaid. They are paid by the facility. They know availability, cost , reputation, your needs… if your mom has some money , the sooner you place with a time of self pay, the better. Choices of facilities becomes less with amount of self pay.. I should have moved my mom from another state earlier if I had know. Lots of choices with two and 3 years self pay .. goes down from there. Don’t be disheartened, my mom didn’t have the year required at her facility, they took her in anyway, because of the business relationship with my placement company. Same care advisor placed my in laws straight into an accepting Medicaid facility. I used a company called Carepatrol, they are a franchise. You may want to look for a place that also has a memory care…and even if you are looking at 3 + months out to place , I would find a care advisor to work with. They are an invaluable service.
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