I know they say a person with Dementia does not have the ability to manipulate, but my Mom has ALWAYS been a Manipulator! She used to manipulate men in her life and now I feel like she manipulates her children! She uses us against each other in different ways! She KNOWS which child can do for her and which ones can’t! She has always done that! She always complains about what she doesn’t have so she will HINT to one of us!! She prides herself on “I ain’t never ask you for nothing”!!! No..but you HINT ALL the time until one us gives it to her…mainly money for a lot of years!! She always complains every time you talk to her! She will tell my sisters lies about me to gain her sympathy!! How can she still think to do that if she has Dementia and supposedly can’t be manipulative???!
Have you ever noticed how early in life children adopt manipulative skills? I believe that social "skill" is one of the first to learn and the last to go. Even in dementia. My mom is well advanced into her dementia (approx stage 6) and was finally unable to maintain it. Though others here might disagree with me, I do believe some with dementia retain this ability, especially if it's something they've been doing for a long time.
Your mother is being passive/aggressive when she hints at what she wants rather than coming right out with a request for it. It's a communication deficit you can read all about on Google if you search out 'passive aggressive'. There are ways to respond to that behavioral irritation, I know, I've dealt with it my whole life. The silent treatment is another notorious punishment doled out by PA people in authority.
My mother is in the advanced stage of dementia herself and only now beginning to stop being manipulative with me. She still has her breakthrough moments though on days when she's more lucid and trying to get her way by using guilt tactics. I can see it coming a mile away. And then I duck for cover.
Don't believe it when others tell you it's 'impossible'. It's not. I've witnessed it for the past 5+ years since my mother was diagnosed with progressive dementia. Just Sunday, in fact, she told me she was dying, I called the Memory Care; the nurse told me he had received a message from the staff to go into her room b/c she told them the same thing. When he got there he told her that her daughter had asked him to go see her (BIG MISTAKE RIGHT THERE) and she said..........."Why is she bothering YOU? I'm just fine! My daughter is just making up stories."
Old habits die hard. Even when dementia is at play.