I'm so upset. I care for mother (91) with dementia and my brother helps. Should we continue this routine or don't give meds if Dr says so?
My 91 year old mother has advanced dementia. She has numerous other health issues such as diabetes, high blood pressure, depression, bad cholesterol, suffered many TIA'S, and has had many UTI'S. She is on many medications which she hates to take. We've finally found a breakfast food that her morning pills can be put in. It's very time consuming to get all her meds and crush them and get on with the procedure. So far, successful. Her evenings meds another story!! She only needs to take one 850 mg metformin and a small other pill. Metformin gets cut in half. She can still swallow them but has told me she doesn't know if she's supposed to take them or not. With her dementia I believe she's very afraid to take them in case they're bad for her.
I've had so many things I've tried to get her to take meds and all failures until now with breakfast food. Believe me, I'd do the same with nighttime meds but she's not so hungry when she needs to take them as supposed to take after dinner. So we try to get her to swallow with beverage. She's so afraid and uncertain and puts us through so much as keeps refusing to take and after all of this finally takes them. Our other brother who hardly sees her as lives in another state told me today on phone not to give them to her as not to put her through this. As her POA, I want to do what's right for her. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm on the verge of crying as I write this. We've been caring for her for many years now, but she hasn't been this bad all those years. She suffered a bad stroke over 2 years ago and lost so much mobility. She needs much assistance with almost everything. I have never been so drained or miserable in my entire life. I'm divorced and don't work so I'm with her 24/7 unless we have few hours to get out and do necessary things. My brother is here with me but not the same as having a husband. We both love our mother dearly to put it mildly!! She has always been there for all her children. She is so sweet and loving. If she were to die, I would be heartbroken but I have a strong faith. My brother has never been married and always been very close to our mom and I've always been so close too, but I think they always spent much time together before I started caring for her. I know he doesn't want to lose her and I don't either but have to face reality. Also want her to have best life possible in her prison of dementia. She has changed so drastically. I'm thinking if she really doesn't want her pills to make it easy on her and not keep trying over and over again to give to her. My brother thinks she must have them to let her live longer. I'm planning to call her Dr to see what is recommended but my brother is so stuck on her taking meds even though so extremely stressful for all. I'm feeling so sick at the moment. I can't remember what it's like to even have a full day to myself. I'm close to 70 yrs old and this situation is really taking its toll. My mom is so sweet and loving even at her age and bad health. I love her dearly. But this medication situation is really getting to me. Should we continue with this routine or don't give any more meds if Dr says so?
So many problems!! Nursing home out of the question as she refuses to eat or meds in rehab so now she will only go to rehab if definitely needed.
What does her doctor say about future care? Palliative care is a big help. Also, could you speak to a facility to see how they would work with her regarding her special needs?
You need to take the responsibility of bringing up this topic. Doctors are not mind readers. Tell them all of your concerns. It wouldn’t hurt to speak to a therapist as well.
Also, contact Council on Aging in your area for support. Ask for a social worker contact from her doctor or the hospital that she uses.
Make some plans. The uncertainty of not knowing what to do is very stressful and I feel speaking to a social worker could absolutely help by telling you about options of what is available for your mom.
You have a lot on your plate and you should ask about respite care so you can receive a well deserved and much needed break periodically.
Best wishes to you and your family. Take care.
I did call Drs office to tell what was going on and was told try to get most important pills into her such as metformin, high blood pressure meds, and placid. I can't stand my suffering in trying to get her to take her meds but more importantly I can't stand her suffering!!
She is even worse in taking liquid than pills so liquid meds out of question.
I love her so much!!
I think she may have a UTI now. Called Dr today but no reply. Even if she has one and given antibiotics, I think will be very difficult for her to take. My brother thinks she should go in hospital if she has a UTI but she gets so much worse after she gets home from a hospital stay. One of last times in emergency room, she screamed so loud and numerous times when they took her urine by catheter. Even some gross thick stuff on floor so I think they even hurt her very badly but you can't win as they always have an answer!!!! I can't take her suffering!!!!
I have tried applesauce and about everything else my little mind can think of!!
Tonight I mixed night meds with a very small amount of frosting from a cake and my mom spit it out. I just put her to bed without trying anymore. I will call Drs office again tomorrow.
Overwhelmed and extremely saddened!!!!😭
I am so sorry that she has struggled so much. It’s heartbreaking. I wish you all the best in finding a resolution to these issues. Hugs!
If Hospice does enter the picture, they may have better ways of dealing with the medicine situation. A lot of times they actually withdraw some of the more toxic drugs because of their bad side effects. Metformin is one of those—it is extremely hard on the kidneys. Could her diabetes possibly be managed with diet alone?
That being said, have you tried putting the crushed pills in applesauce? That worked well for my Jim, who has many of the same problems but not the dementia.
I do hope you're able to carve out a little time for yourself. Some days are worse than others, but even five minutes of losing yourself in something you enjoy can make a big difference. See if you can make an arrangement with your brother for each one of you to take sole responsibility for your mom several times a week so the other one can get away. Good luck to you ... this, too, shall pass. And hopefully you'll remember only the good parts of your mother's life and interactions with you.