I received so many helpful, caring and loving responses. My wife died on Dec. 6, 2021 after one month on hospice. She died in her bed with me holding her hand. I then donated her body to the Univ. of Southern California Anatomical Gift Program. I will do the same thing with my body when I die.
My wife and I were married for 55 years and together for 58 years. They were wonderful years and she was the light of my life and I will miss her forever.
She was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2014. Shortly after that I came across this website and found it to be tremendously helpful over the years. I saw many questions and responses that were so helpful to my situation. I also asked many questions and always received many responses that were also helpful to our situation both in CO and helpful to our move to CA.
We moved to Los Angeles, CA to be closer to our daughter and her family because we knew we could receive more help living there than in the mountains of CO, being over 1 hour away from any city, doctors, etc.
I have been a part of an Adult Bereavement Zoom Support Group since last Dec. 2021 and that group has been a wonderfully helpful group. I absolutely needed this group although for the first several months I just cried and let my feelings go. For the next several months I wondered why I was there because I was not getting better and the other group members seemed to be in a similar situation. I have finally come to the conclusion that I am not going to "get better". I am just going to learn how to live with my loss. I have come to realize that I can do that. I will always miss and love my wife but I can live with my memories, photos, and our children and our grandchildren.
Now I need help again from this community or can I be referred to a group that deals with cancer.
My wife, Dolores, passed on Dec. 6, 2021. On Christmas Day my daughter came down with Covid and she went into the hospital on the next day. A week later she recovered from the Covid but she was kept in the hospital for another week because it was found that she had another medical problem
She was found to have metastatic breast cancer that had spread to different areas of her body. She was given a life expectancy of 4 years. This was devastating information for us to have to deal with.
My daughter, B, is 41 years old and has a good husband, a 6 year old daughter and identical twin boys who are today 27 months old.
Shortly after receiving her cancer diagnosis she asked me if I would help B, her husband, to take care of her children if she was not able to take care of them. Of course I said that I would but being 84 years old....well I don't know what my life expectancy would be. But towards that end I have changed my diet, walking and exercising everyday and just trying to be doing what I can to live as long as possible. I have lost over 30 lbs., have walked over 1300 miles and am trying to live to be 100. I want my daughter to be there when I celebrate my 100th birthday because if she is then I think that medically she will probably have beaten her cancer. That would be something to celebrate.
Unfortunately she has been removed from her medical protocol and has been referred to other cancer specialists to see if there is something that can do more than what has been done so far. My daughter is besides herself as is her husband and myself. We are in desperate need of help and advice and this is the only place that I can think of to go to. This site has been so helpful in the past. I hope it can be just as helpful today.
My daughter is the same as my wife. She looks the same and is as helpful and loving as my wife was. I don't know what I will do if I lose her also. I will be there to help take care of her children but the pain and loss will be almost unbearable. I need help and advice. This site was always there for my wife and myself and I hope it will be there for my daughter and myself.
Thank you sincerely,
Your daughter may or may not want to risk these approaches as they are experimental. Also, she may or may not qualify to participate as the criteria for being considered are very stringent. In addition to MD Anderson as Fawnby has helpfully suggested, there is also Sloan Kettering in NYC. That fact that her current treatment team is referring her to other clinicians may be helpful, though, exasperating and frightening. It means that instead of insisting on doing things their way, they are smart enough to reach out to other experts. GOOD LUCK with the search. Take care of yourself mentally and physically so that you can be there for your family. Sending caring to you.
I am not certain that this Forum is the place for support for you as regards the plight of your daughter, but I do know you are welcome here. Your daughter has young children. I don't know the circumstances of your son in law, but I think that you may, while being supportive, be beyond the years of doing a lot of care of young children. Only you can decide that and you are the best one to judge. I am thankful you are there to lend your support.
This is grief on top of grief. I am so very sorry about it and I wish all the best of luck.
You don't right now have any specific questions for us. I will only tell you to try to take good care of yourself. My heart goes out to you.
I am so sorry about your wife, and now about your daughter.
I can feel your love for them both through your beautiful writing.
There will be people along here that can suggest places that will be helpful to you. I just wanted to bump up your post.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
I am reporting my own post so this can be removed if Ed can't come back to do it.
Ed, please see my following post for a real response to you.