On 1/27/16 My Mother was taken to the emergency room due to extreme back pain, that prevented her from even taking a step, when she stood up to walk back to her bedroom. Once in the hospital, an MRI was done and determined she had lung cancer that had metestasized to her back. There was no cure. Recommendation was to allow her to go to the floor that Hospice was on in order to regulate pain medicine for a couple of days, and then take her home. We opted to get her on the floor and settled in before giving her the news. However, upon entering the Room, Hospice took over with heavy sedation, and we never got to have a coherant conversation with her from that time on. They would not try to give her water, nutrition, nothing. And forbid us from doing so as well, saying we would make matters worse. 6 days later she died. We will never get over allowing Hospice to take over and shorten our Mothers life. The grieving is more for the decision we made, which prevented us from spending a few final moments of quality time with her. How do we ever get over this type of grief...It feels like we stood by, and watcher her being Murdered, with no ability to stop what was going on. Every time we started to object or ask questions, we were told they were doing what was best, and if we stopped them, it would be worse for her. I think anybody who came to the hospital and was denied nutrition but given extreme sedatives would die as well in a short time, and I don't understand what gives hospice the right to determine this.
Signed,
Denied Time
I ask, because i have giver very specific medical poa instructions to the one of my children who i know will not let me live in a diminished state. When i was young, my mother would say to me "
Please don't let me live like that" meaning relatives who had lost their capacity to make decisions, to be present in life. Ultimately, she gave PoA to my brother whose wife is determined to keep her alive until...i dont know what.
If your mom gave poa to someone who honored her wishes, I'd be happy.
We were shocked! We had no idea he had cancer, let alone was so close to death. He died three days later.
He wasn't on hospice. We were still trying to figure out a discharge plan.
Cancer took away my father's life. Cancer took away your mother's life. They would have died with or without hospice care. We could not stop or prevent or slow down the death. It will come when it will come.
If only my dad had hung on a few more hours his daughter would have been there from out of state. If only your mother wasn't in such extreme pain you could have had an more satisfying leave-taking. If only they didn't have cancer!
Who in your family gave permission for Hospice? Try to reconstruct how that came about. Who signed? (I did for my husband, and for my mother.) Someone, poor soul, had to take that responsibility. And I certainly don't mean to bring that up to point blame at them! But be clear about how that happened, and if you feel that person was railroaded into signing, then I agree with NancyH, and you should make a fuss.
If, in fact you mother was still lucid and you were denied the time to talk with her that is indeed a horrible injustice that should be looked into. It's hard to believe any hospice provider would be so callus but I suppose it's possible.
I mean no disrespect to you. This is tough to go through under any circumstances.
You wrote that we wanted this or that. I need to ask, what did your Mother want? That is the important thing here. Was Mom able to communicate her pain level? It could have been through the roof, and some elders won't say anything, but Hospice can tell if someone is in shear agony. Maybe that was your Mom's wish, she felt it was time to let go.