Something I go through almost every day here is my mother wanting to go to the doctor or take a new medicine to fix something. I know that there are things that can't be fixed, that there is no pill that has the magic to turn back time. I don't like to say that she's just getting old or that she has dementia, even if those would be truthful responses. However, I don't want to go to doctors or get more medicines for her if they won't do any good.
How do we tell them kindly that something can't be fixed? Or should we just keep chasing cures in order to keep the hopes up?
When my mom complains about her knees I say "its too bad you aren't 20 years younger, then they would give you new ones. Just be glad you aren't living like your grandparents in a house with a wood stove and an outhouse." But even with all the holes in her memory she is still able to understand what I'm telling her... we can't fix it and be thankful for what you have. I'm not sure your mom would appreciate my approach ;)
I would remind my mother what the doctor said " no mom, you dont need to go back to the eye doctor, she gave you this chart to look at every two weeks which tells you that your macular degeneration isn't getting worse". " mom, the doctor said that if it hasn't lasted 5 days, it's not diarrhea and it's not dangerous. Just take an immidium". It helped that i didn't live with her.
One yearly appointment I dreaded taking her to were her mammograms.... seriously, a mammogram at 97?... it would take 2 techs to help this tiny frail woman, then Mom would complain after the fact, while driving her home, about the machine, about the techs, how cold it was in the dressing room, etc. Yet she would insist her GYN write an order.... [sigh].
Today has been a classic exasperating day. My mother has pneumonia now in her mind. (No, she doesn't have it.) I tell her she doesn't have it, that she doesn't have the symptoms. She says she does and is faking it. Poor dear, trying to cough up congestion when her lungs are in fine shape. This is just so crazy. I realized that I can't even "own" my personal illness and take time to recover completely. Instead of helping in any way, she has been messier and needier. I've had to stay away from her as much as possible. My SIL offered to help, but I didn't want her to be exposed to this since there are new babies in her family. Now that I'm better, I may take her up on that offer of help. I don't know what she can do, but I know I need a break to get completely back on my feet. When I go around my mother, she comes up with a need for something to do. She can be relentless. I sympathize so much with you, rainmom.