My mother lives alone and has dementia but she is high functioning in that she takes care of her personal needs and is mobile. She had a gastric bleed 15 months ago which led to 10 days in ICU and 6 months in an ALF before being allowed to go home with help. In July she shattered her elbow due to a fall requiring a cast and 8 weeks of OT. Last month she had a complete hysterectomy. She believes all health issues are now behind her and is unaware of the level of her mental decline in the past 15 months. I don’t believe she can take care of a dog, even an older dog since she can’t even remember each day if she fed her fish. The dog she had when she had the gastric bleed was put down after living at the vet for 6 months and $6,000 later. He was a biter and had bitten 8 people prior to being housed at the vet, no rescue, his former ‘trainer’ nor anyone at the vet’s office would take him. In order for her to return to live at home she couldn’t keep a biting dog since she needed people to come into her home to provide light care and transportation so she made the decision to put him down.
Should I ignore the subject of another dog? Discuss my concerns with her? It is a touchy subject and I don’t want to upset her. I know another dog would give her purpose and keep her company but it is unfair to the dog. Thank you for your suggestions.
My mother felt like this about cats. The selection and acquisition of a cat was under discussion for about a year; but I think the major difference is that, living with my mother, I did fully intend to find her the right cat. Events overtook us and it didn't happen; but I wonder if you could talk to your mother about a hypothetical dog and keep the subject at bay that way?
But I'm dissatisfied with any answer that's just about the dog. Why was your mother so determined to leave the ALF? I ask mainly because she if she now feels that she lacks stimulation and companionship... maybe that's the decision that wants revisiting, don't you think?
I would also say that the doctor said that now is not a good time to get a dog, maybe later. Usually someone will go along with that "the doctor" says.
Do your Mum's neighbours have kids that could be paid to walk the dog on a daily basis? The dog walker could be tasked with checking the food and water dishes when they brought the dog back from the walk.
The thing with a dog as opposed to fish, is that a dog will let you know it is hungry. You can get hoppers for kibble, so you are not daily filling the bowl.
In my family the situation is a bit different. Mum, step Mum, fil and fil and step mil all have pets, cats or dogs or both. All but step mil are in their upper 80's, but luckily none have dementia. The pets do give them an extra purpose, companionship and a reason to get up in the morning.
Mum's current dog is a delightful big dog who is 8. She and I have an agreement that I will take any dog she has if she gets to the point she can no longer look after it.
My mother would love to have a little dog, but there is no room in her apt for one, and she lives in an attached apt with brother, who owns between 3-7 dogs at any given time. And probably 10 cats, but they're all upstairs. The smell in the house is pretty rank, w./o the addition of yet another animal. Most are not housebroken and that's---well, gross.
My mom can barely, and I mean BARELY take care of herself--it would be beyond cruel to introduce a dog into her life.
She has 2 cockatiels (feral) that some idiot at the Sr Center gave her. She can't even see them, as they are in a high cage and she can't "look up" due to back issues. They stink to high heaven, nobody washes their cage and she gets my niece to feed them occasionally. I'm amazed they've lived this long!
They are mistreated simply from neglect and I can't see how she feels they are "companions" she can't even see them. I have developed a serious allergy to the dander and feathers and have to "dose up" with antihistamines and cortisone eyedrops before I venture up there. Every surface in her apt is covered in a fine mix of dust, bird dander and cooking oil. Pretty smelly.
And mother has just enough dementia that she can't remember if she fed and watered the birds or not. It's just sad.