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First of all, don't call it memory care. A broken brain doesn't understand that it's broken.
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Reply to my2cents
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We moved my mom when needed..within a short period she forgot old friends and the last place she lived..she calls her MC “home”. There is NO capacity to understand why it was needed..she was leaving the building and lost out front of it! So unsafe…safety is the goal.. she pounds the MC locked doors despite many explanations why it is locked. A sad disease…
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Reply to Sadinroanokeva
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As my mother's memory is going, we have introduced the concept of "playing cards" with other people, meeting new people, doing things she would like to do. She chose her nursing facility two months ago. She knows what will happen if my dad dies first - go to nursing facility. She knows that if she dies first, Dad gets to stay in his home with four caregivers on 24/7 care as they have today. What she doesn't know is that if she gets too unruly for the caregivers to handle both at once, we may choose to move her to the facility to keep her mind busy. We are in contact with the facility and take her to visit each month to "remind" her of the wonderful place it is...and give the director an opportunity to keep track of my mother's progress toward being there.
To me the conversation takes place as we age and just start memory loss so there are no surprises. BUT, my grandfather simply needed his "special things" in his room and all was well for the most part.
For everyone I have seen / heard with dementia, there are moments of lucidity and conversations can be had during those times. REALLY LISTENING for the nuances that tell you "this" is a special item, not asking, but observing. My mother will need her paintings, her bed, her dresser and the clothes she wears regularly. She will also need her jewelry (nothing expensive) that hangs on the wall as decoration.
Each person is a little different, but acknowledging the good of a facility - company of people that could be "friends", not having LO at home to disrupt everything - and valuing LO's "special things" are important.
None of it is easy. Acknowledging that we are not "sending them away", will visit (if you really will). Listening, not talking has gotten me farther that anything...with LO, with sisters, with caregivers.
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Reply to RainbowHeart
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Ckmcharlie: There exists no discussion with an individual who suffers from dementia as they don't possess the capacity for logical thought processes.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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After our family meeting with our mom's physician it was abreed that me and my sisters would have a family meeti to discuss to discuss which Nursing facility would be a fit for our mom before any mention nursing home to her. However as soon as our mother spent a week with sisyer with POA she goes and make remarks to her about being put into a nursing facility. Now every day mother is saying she doesnt want to to nursing home. And now saying it's because of me. Any comments welcomed.
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Reply to Mema2024
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There is no "discussion"
If you are POA then moving the person with dementia to Memory Care is in their best interest, for their safety and possibly as well as the safety of other family members.
Moving a person to Memory Care, or to any facility that will care for the person is not a easy, quick decision. It is one fraught with "guilt", grief, and at last excepting that the care of this person is more than you can manage at home.

Now if you are talking about discussing with one parent the need to move a spouse that is a different matter and it is one that you need to get them to acknowledge that they can not care for their spouse alone, you can no longer help to the degree that needs to be met. That can be a tough talk. If this is the case try to come up with options that can be tried. Caregivers, Adult Day Care, Respite Stays any of these might help....for a little while.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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GerryK1963 Jul 18, 2024
I have a similar issue in
that I am looking into a caregiver for 6 hours a week. She in no uncertain terms told me “over her dead body”! My answer is that when the time comes i will let someone she trusts work the issue, like her doctor or her children.
(1)
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You don’t discuss things with people with Alzheimer’s and dementia.
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Reply to Southernwaver
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I just finished moving my mom from Assisted Living to Memory Care. I did not discuss it with her at all. There was no point, and I knew that any discussion would just upset her.

I went to her AL room while she was at meals and at activities and prepared everything--measured her furniture to figure out what would fit in her new MC room and where to place everything, went through her belongings to determine what to keep and what to donate/discard, and made a list of things to purchase for her new room. Then I started removing the donate/discard items and dealing with them. My mother never noticed that anything was going missing.

My out of state sister came to town, and we started moving Mom's belongings to her new room. (We opted to pay a little extra to have a few days of overlap between the lease dates, and that facilitated the preparation of the new room.) Over the course of about three days, we pretty much stripped Mom's AL room bare of everything except furniture and personal hygiene items. Again, Mom never noticed.

On the day the movers came to move the furniture, my sister took Mom out to Walmart and then to lunch. The movers moved the furniture, and I set everything up/put everything away.

My sister brought Mom back to the building, and brought her to the MC unit, and we welcomed her to her new room. It went surprisingly well, and she is settling in and adapting.
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Reply to mom2mepil
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As said, just research MCs in your area and find the one that seems the best for LO and place them. I said nothing to my Mom until the day of the move. My daughter stayed with her while we got the room ready. Arranging things as much like home as possible. Then we picked her up and told her she was going to a new apt where she would meet other people. Mom acclimated pretty well but she was probably in her 6th stage.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You don't. If your loved one is at the point of needing a memory care facility, they are well beyond comprehension of any discussion regarding that.
Instead pick out the one the family thinks is best, get their room their set up with some of their favorite things and family photos and move them in.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Many times it is not discussed , as it is not always comprehended by someone with dementia . They often think they are fine .

Often the person needing MC is told a fib that they need to stay while some work is done on their house , if they are likely to forget . Others just “ take LO to lunch “ and are then brought to their new apartment .
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Reply to waytomisery
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