for not calling not visiting me knowing that I am not well. She is always making excuses for not taking a interest in my health or daughter not letting me visit her. My son caring more about his mother in law than me, letting her stay with him for 6 weeks and not care about me. I am thinking about disinheriting both of them. I have given my son, son $11,000 for college and I got no thank you.
I never want to visit my self centered, manipulative, threatening, miserable mom either, so I can understand why your kids steer clear.
Maybe, just maybe, an apology and being pleasant to be around would help the relationships that are obviously damaged.
Find things and people to occupy your time, it will help you not notice that your kids aren't around so much.
Then I think I would try to stop counting on the kids so much, and would move on to try to find some friends of my own age, whether through community activity, church activity, volunteering, or in some other way. I know you are politically engaged and active, so perhaps working in some volunteer work with that.
Remember that people usually want to be with us because "we bring something to the table", because we are loving, supportive, and positive.
Good to see you on the Forum again. I think about you every time I think about Gov. Cuomo, about whom you were so right and I was so wrong.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/my-wife-of-54yrs-passed-away-from-the-virus-i-had-a-lot-of-assets-which-i-left-to-her-upon-my-death-459133.htm
I posted two of your posts from last year. One about children not visiting and the other the loss of your wife to COVID complications.
If things have not gotten better since the loss of your wife over a yr ago, they probably won't. We have no answers why your children don't visit. You have to look inside yourself for that answer. How were you as a father, as a husband? Did you spoil and enable your children growing up? Were you a demanding person expecting perfection and it be done your way? Are u an easy person to get along with? Maybe you should ask your children directly why they have left you alone. Take what they say and think about it before reacting. You may not see things the way they do but you have to acknowledge how they feel. A sincere apology goes a long way.
You can't buy love and attention with money. And do you really want it that way? They only visit for an inheritance?
There is an old saying..A son is a son until he takes a wife but a daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life. Or something like that. That does put a lot of pressure on one gender over the other so let's keep it an old wives tale (although there is s nugget of truth in old sayings)
I do not know how old your "children" are but they have lives of their own.
If you are not well now is the time to plan on what the future holds for you.
DO not "expect" children, grandchildren to care for you. Make the plans you need to to be able to live the best you can with either help that you hire or look for Independent or Assisted Living so that help is there when you need it.
As for not leaving anything for them I am sure that you can find an Assisted Living that will do a very good job of making sure that there is nothing left. Or around the clock caregivers that will cost almost as much. (figure with AL you will not have property taxes, and all the other expenses that you have with a house, including much of the food expenses)
I do hope the $11,000 was a loan and if so I hope that you notify him that he should start repaying the loan.
And since there is no "thank you" for gifts the Gravy Train stops now. Send cards at holidays but as adults they should not "expect" gifts.
Now that I have said all that I will say please reflect on the relationship you have had for their entire adult lives. Have you been kind and open? Have you been critical of them, their spouses? Their choices? If so Another old saying...you reap what you sow.
And
You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
And one more
Treat others how you want to be treated.
If I am off base forgive me I am trying to see both sides of the coin here. (crystal ball still not working)