My mom was always upbeat. Unfortunately she has very bad balance and needs assistance when walking. There is always someone around who can help when she wants to get up.
She tries to get up on her own and is occasionally successful but we have managed to catch her before she falls.
In her mind we are keeping her in a prison and she says she would like to see how we would react if we were in her situation.
She has advanced dementia and is unfortunately unable to do most tasks which also frustrates her. We are glad to do anything she wants but she resents the fact that she can’t do things and wants us to hire someone to cook clean etc so we don't do it either.
She doesn’t have much of an appetite but wants to order in food, because she doesn’t want me to cook.
Most days she is upset , she will find a reason to be upset. She will not talk to us when she is upset.
On the odd day she will say Don’t think I don’t realize all you do for me, but then her actions will indicate the opposite. For example she may say she likes cherries but when I buy them she will refuse to eat them.
Any insights how to deal with these situations will be much help.
Also are you making sure that she's using her walker when getting up to walk? If not make sure she is. A lift chair too would be helpful in getting her upright.
And until you get someone hired to relieve you, when she starts in being negative, just walk a way and tell her that you will come back only and if she can be more positive. Good luck.
Take with a grain of salt any food wishes she suddenly comes up with. Not to ignore her - if she says she fancies cherries, get her cherries - but so that you're not disappointed if she's forgotten all about them when you place them in front of her. This will be easier if you or someone else can enjoy the "rejects."
Her question about how you would feel if you were "imprisoned" is a fair question. How would you feel if you couldn't get up and move about freely? Do not accept guilt or blame - it isn't you who has robbed her of balance or strength! - but do sympathise with her indignation, frustration and depression.
If she can mobilise safely with the right assistance, encourage this regularly. Give up nagging or reminding or kvelling about her inability to remember that she must not mobilise unassisted - she *can't* keep this in mind, it's nothing to do with stubborness - and get a chair alarm so that you know when she's off on her travels.
Also encourage her to do what she can for herself, using verbal and physical prompts to keep tasks on track.
Hire a caregiver that will do some light housecleaning, some cooking and looking out for her.
Take the few hours that the caregiver is there and go do something for yourself.
(btw...please do not "catch" mom it is a great way to hurt yourself. Learn how to guide her down. If she ends up back in the chair, great if not call non emergency number and ask for a "lift assist" most of the time there is no charge unless they transport to the hospital)
Is she using a walker? If not that might help.
Do you have a "lift chair" if not that might make it easier for her to get to a standing position.
Deal with this? STAY WHERE SHE IS with hearing what she says, but DON’T ACT on what she says.
If she says “I want cherries” say “yum, I do too! I have some nice apples or bananas (show her)- which one do you want for breakfast?”
Mom doesn’t stop talking because she’s upset, she stops talking because she stops talking.
She gets up and tries to walk unaided because that’s the link that has clicked momentarily in her brain. She may say you’re trying to keep her in prison, she may say she’s going to walk by the ocean, she may say she has to walk her pet giraffe…. she CANNOT follow orders to ask for help or use her Walker.
Whether she has a Walker in front of her or beside her means nothing unless someone has a hand on her every time she decides to get up and walk, and maybe not then-
People who have a tendency to fall, FALL.
Your mother’s brain is broken, and continues to break. It “short circuits” and she can say combinations of words that sometimes seem to make sense, and sometimes that don’t make sense. The combinations that “don’t” make sense will increase as her disease continues.
Don’t take your mother’s comments personally. She doesn’t expect you to.
I told my mom a million times not to try and reach for things on the top shelf in her closet. Did she listen? Nope! My daughter caught her digging in my husband’s toolbox for a screwdriver to fix a loose screw on a floor lamp! My daughter tightened the screw for her.
Mom had terrible balance, due to Parkinson’s disease and slight dementia. I think that they forget that they can’t do what they used to do for themselves when they were younger. My mom used to fix things more than my dad did!
I am sorry that you are struggling with this situation. It’s very stressful. I wish you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life.