My mom has been living in assisted living for nearly 2 years. She had a stroke three years ago, and has more confusion then memory issues at this particular time. Still it's home to her.
She cannot function in the assisted-living environment any longer without 24 hour help. I need to move her to memory care because I cannot pay for assisted-living + a 24 hour companion. It's. way too expensive.
The memory care facility is across the parking lot, and there are people there that she does know who have transition from one location to the other. She is totally freaked out about even visiting the facility, and she's heard many negative things from residents.
We are moving this week. I may have to drop her off and let them deal with it. Any suggestions? Mom is beyond understanding anything. I feel so guilty!
Anyway Memory care is just what she needed!
Memory care is considered assisted living not nursing and where my mom is many residents have personal caregivers - my mom included -
If your mm doesn't understand anything then let staff arrange transport and you can visit as you normally do to downplay the change
My mom had been in Independent Living before ashe had a stroke that left her confused, aphasic and with vascular dementia...but smart as a tack, sees what's going on and misinterprets EVERYTHING.
We moved her from rehab to a lovely AL near where my brother lives. We took her in my vcar, soft music, lots of calm explanations. She wept, then tried to pull the steering wheel from my husband.
We got her inside, we took her to lunch, brother calmed her down, took her to see her new apt ( this isn't my bathroom, she said). After several hours of reassurance, we left. Staff said they'd leave the door open to check on her.
1/2 hour later, they called. Staff found her on the floor. She had no memory of falling, and couldn't figure out how to push the button.
We transferred her to memory care the next day. Then added a 24/7 aide becauze she still couldn't function well enough. With 2 aides in her room, she fell a few nights later. Broken hip, rehab, nursing home. Now, quite content.
I would talk to the staff at the AL to see what they suggest. Also talk to her doctor about anti-anxiety meds if she's not on them, or increased dose short term. "The doctor needs you to be here for a while mom" might work. Good luck!
If it were me, I'd approach this move as if it were a logistical project. Go and see her new room. Figure out exactly where her things are going to go. Work out the travel route: can you go via a garden, can you take her out on a short car trip, or work in some other distraction? I agree about getting in packers/movers for most of it, but pack a small case for her with her most familiar everyday objects to make sure those are the first things she sees in her new room.
The idea is that you leave her room, you go to Point A - garden, café, dining room, t.v. lounge, short drive around somewhere scenic - and then after a natural interval you go to her new room, which will already be laid out with familiar objects. In a perfect world, you would also enlist the help of the staff: your mother should be introduced to members of the memory care team by members of the ALF team that she knows and likes. What you're aiming for is calm and continuity.
Don't feel guilty - it's unhelpful, and it's inappropriate. You're not doing anything terrible to your mother, you're moving her to a place of safety where her care needs can be met. If the worst happens and she freaks out, take her to neutral territory, sit quietly and reassure her, then let the staff take over. Have you discussed the plan with them in advance, by the way? Are they primed to help?