How do I plan an inexpensive funeral?

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How do I plan an inexpensive funeral?

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You can get less expensive caskets from Walmart and Costco. However, some funeral homes MAKE you buy their caskets, and don't allow outside caskets.

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*Check with your state. In California, funeral homes must allow caskets purchased elsewhere.

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Call local funeral homes to ask about their costs. Most funerary services cost less if paid in advance. Also check into tissue donations. With a tissue donation, organs may be harvested to help others and tissues harvested to further research. The remains will be cremated and returned to you in about 3 weeks - all on the dime of the research center. I know he doesn't want a cremation, but this is more cost effective and he won't be able to argue once he is gone. You can find creative and inexpensive methods to deal with his ashes - less than a cemetery plot.

A memorial service should be whatever brings you comfort - in a place that brings you peace surrounded by those who love you. This could be a local place of worship with a faith leader leading the memorial service, which is traditional. Less traditional approach could be at a park, a lake, the beach... with a friend leading a time of reflection about your husband and all contributing memories of love and joy. Meal is not obligatory but coffee and ice water is always nice.

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I would be interested in tissue donation. Who would you call immediately after death? A funeral home or the donation place?

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If he is an honorably discharged veteran, he may be entitled to a free burial at a national cemetery. The family must get the remains to the cemetery. Check it out. They are beautiful and peaceful. I know you have a town site, but the other costs may make the national cemetery more feasible. My understanding is there are no costs after the remains reach the cemetery, but do double check this. A kind funeral home owner suggested this to me.

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Yes, Moxies, a good response. I’m a vet and also work with senior vets as a care manager, assisting them in VA assistance when they are eligible. The vet family is responsible for the pre-burial, such as cremation, etc, but yes, if he was honorably discharged, he (AND the wife as well!) are eligible for burial together, regardless of who passes first. There is a VA form that can be filled out ahead of time and sent in (with a copy of his DD 214) & they will send a qualification letter back to take to the funeral home. A form has to be filled out for both husband and wife. You can search VA Form 21P-530EZ online.

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You can do a cremation. That is the cheapest. If you want the ashes buried, you will need a concrete vault. This is a requirement. This is to prevent soil and water contamination. The same happens with a coffin, though a coffin’s vault is significantly larger and more expensive. Sometimes cemeteries have columbariums which are like large cabinets with niches. A niche can be purchased or if the individual was a veteran or spouse of a veteran, they can be placed in the niche together.

At Arlington Cemetery, space is limited, so most burials are cremations unless due to special actions, and then the ashes are placed in the columbarium niche.

I understand there are veteran cemeteries across the country and, if that is applicable, might help.

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Also located in Illinois. We just pre-paid/planned my husband’s funeral last year. He was swayed by some things the funeral rep pointed out, I was not. Everything is optional, and it pays to check with other funeral homes to see their prices & various services. However I was probably most surprised at the differences in cemeteries. They too, vary wildly in costs and can charge for every little thing. Make sure you know what else is required in addition to the $350. Grave opening/closing cost, vaults (even for urns at some), time & day of the week for burials incur different costs, perpetual funds, tent/seating for services, etc. Do what you can live with. I intend to pay my respects to my husband privately, then I’m out. I have no intentions of standing next to my step-kids at the casket as they put on a show. I can live with that.

I intend to be cremated after organ & tissue donation, then sprinkled (privately - my immediate family only) at the base of a tree that was planted in honor of my granddaughter. No embalming, no services & only a private viewing beforehand if my kids want it.

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Regarding grave opening and closing:

I bought a wall niche at the cemetery for my parents when my dad died. The contract stipulated that it would cost $595 to open it again when my mom's ashes were to be put inside, so Dad waited in my closet for 2 1/2 years until they could go in together.

My dad would have been livid about paying $600 just to unscrew a tile from a wall to put a box behind it.

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I was my mom's full-time caregiver. She and I discussed her funeral plans many times before her death. No visitation, no church service. Just a small service for immediate family at the funeral home. She had already picked out her outfit years before, along with a pair of shoes. We reviewed her obituary yearly.

She had a small life insurance policy that I worried would never cover the cost, and I knew I had to deal with it when the time came. I have siblings who were not involved in her care or helped financially. Mom and dad had purchased a cemetery plot years before, and dad, a Korean War Vet, was already there.

As I sat with her in her final hours, my thoughts turned to the arrangements. After she passed, I touched based with the funeral director and made it clear the financial situation and asked whether her wishes could be followed. He said it would be tight, but he would try. I made his job easier, as by the next day, I picked out the casket, provided him the obituary/photo, and gave him her outfit. He was amazed at how organized I was.

The immediate cost was $600 to open the grave, which was an out of pocket expense. I was beginning to worry about what the final bill would look like, but again thought, whatever it is, I will have to deal with it. The day before the service, I went to see Mom, and commented how great she looked in her casket. She did not look 93 years old. We had a small service at the funeral home and again at the cemetery as the snow began to fall. I stayed behind to watch as the vault lid with her name on it was put in place.

Back at the funeral home, the director presented me with the final bill. It matched exactly the amount of Mom's life insurance policy. He had discounted the cost significantly. I was very relieved.

Maybe my case is an exception. As already suggested, now is the time to have a discussion with your chosen funeral director. I wish you all the best.

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A cremation through a cremation society is a low expensive way of dealing with "the remains.". You need to pay a small membership fee and then for the cremation itself. Expenses can mount if you select a very fancy urn, but you do not have to do that. Cremated remains can be put into a funeral plot as easily as a body. In that case, all you need is a box, which the cremation society will provide as part of its fee. It is the add-ons that cost so much: a funeral service, and a fancy housing for the remains, and the use of a funeral home. You do not have to use a funeral home to get a death certificate. A cremation society will provide that. I have used them for both sets of parents and my husband. I have found them to be kind and efficient and low cost. Just Google "cremation society" for your community and you will find one or more.

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The Cremation Society will also notify Social Security of your loved one’s passing, saving you the time of doing so yourself. One less thing to worry about.

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Was he in the military at one time? If he was you can bury him at a military base that has a cemetery.

I would do what is the cheapest so you can get him into the ground.

Prayers

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A funeral is not required at all. Request a Direct Burial. You can check costs among Funeral Homes available in your area.

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One cost that is often not planned for is "opening" the grave. This article says the national average is $1,240. https://www.memorialplanning.com/funeral-products/grave-opening-closing#:~:text=for%20a%20burial.-,The%20cost%20of%20opening%2Dand%2Dclosing%20a%20grave%20can%20differ,closing%20a%20grave%20is%20%241%2C240.
I agree with other comment here...be up front with the funeral home.
Bless you.

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You can donate his body to science. They will cremate the remains for free and our local college has a cemetery where they bury them for free if you wish.

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There is no law requiring one 'throw' a funeral; keeping things simple can still be dignified, respectful of the deceased. My father died first; my mom gave him a traditional funeral and casket burial in their side by side plots. 12 years later my mom passed away; she had only one remaining friend and a few family members still close to her. Out of emotion I gave her a small funeral using her life insurance policy's funds; only 10 people, including 5 family members came. The beautiful casket flowers I ordered, with 'help' from the funeral home, Disappeared 3 days after her burial (no, the cemetery was not 'cleaning/mowing' at that time!) without explanation. In hindsight, I'd have gone a simpler route: I would have buried her in a simple casket next to my dad, with a small gravesite ceremony. In some areas, embalming is not even required if the deceased is buried within a certain time, typically 24 hours. My mom had never discussed her 'final wishes', maybe just assumed she'd get the same sendoff my dad had, but it's said 'funerals are for the living'. Those who wanted to pay respects to my mom could do that at the gravesite interment. Do not feel obligated to do an elaborate funeral. 'Vaults' for caskets are not even required in many places; and some vaults are open at the bottom (less expensive), so, depending on what YOU want for your husband, it is reasonable to begin now looking into all the options, and the costs. A 'Go Fund Me' is not unusual, much like community appeals for funeral expense donations for deceased folks. If seeking donations makes you uncomfortable, scale down your husband's sendoff to what works for you, not any societal 'expectations.' Remember that however your husband's body is taken care of at his death, his spirit will be free.

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Couldn't you just do an internment? Skip the funeral. My uncle did that for his son.

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Yes direct interments are available. Funerals are for the family/friends but are not necessary. When I buried my sister we had a family get together because her kids were just not up to having a public funeral. So we had a get together at her house with her music and her family and very close friends. Her kids invited their friends and we had simple food - sandwiches, cake, chips etc.

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Cremation. You don't have to have a formal service. You could bring the ashes home and place the urn on a table with a vase of flowers and photo albums. Serve coffee and a crumb cake and call it a day.

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Dont rule out options such as medical school donation...that's my personal plan.....it should eliminate all costs. Then you plan a remembrance event at the location of your choosing.

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Is Veteran's Cemetery burial an option?

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Great question! prayerfully it is!

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Don't let a funeral home upsell you. They will show you special caskets, satin pillows, vaults and more. Start looking now so you aren't so caught up in emotion after he dies. I think the funeral home people like to work with very emotional folks who want to pick out "only the best" for their loved one. After all, who wants to haggle about price for someone's final resting spot?

I watch a mortician on YouTube, Caitlin Doughty and she goes into detail about the funeral business and how expensive it is and why it doesn't need to be. She makes videos about all kinds of things as well. Green burials, Alkaline Hydrolysis, Water Cremation, compost type burial.

Both of my parents had only cremation, no caskets, no services, no luncheons, etc. Each one was $1300. I spread their ashes together in a beautiful location. My father in law had the same thing. None of them wanted services or emotional gatherings around a casket. You don't have to have all that stuff.

I agree about not following your husband's wishes after his death. You have to make this work for you. If he really had his heart set on a big send off.... he should have planned for it and not left you in a position to ask for money for his funeral. I'm sorry you're in this situation.

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I keep seeing comments about receptions at restaurants, catering, etc. Here is how it is often done in our area. When hearing the news of a death... neighbors, friends and extended family usually step up and drop off food at the home so the immediate family is not concerned with meals. After the funeral, family and their closest friends usually gather together at the home. Of course you can't ask others to do this if it is not commonly done.

Lately, I have seen some churches coordinate food donations to offer a meal for the family and invited friends that is held in their fellowship hall. Is this not done widespread? I would never consider footing the bill for an open reception... my immediate family at a restaurant, maybe, then anyone else who wants to join us would be welcome dutch treat. Another way to avoid a reception is not to have the service near a meal time. A "viewing" at 1 pm, service at 2 then it is over before supper.

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I grew up in Baltimore and when there was a funeral, the food brought in by neighbors was amazing. We moved to PA, first death we experienced I said something to someone about taking them some food and they looked at me like I had antennas coming out of my head. Seems folks' churches provide a big meal after the burial.

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My dad passed three weeks ago. The cost mostly came from the funeral home. There was no fee for the church, pastor, or music. Just donations to each. Were going to just do a gravesite service but it was so cold we moved it inside the church which was next to the gravesite. There was no viewing my dad did not want it. We had the plot and the headstone was already purchased in the 80’s. The funeral home charged around $17,000. My moms service was similar but held outside 2 years prior for $12,000. Wishing you luck. The stone and funeral cost are the most. We did a local restaurant after for immediate family only. We only told those we wanted to attend. Make an appointment with your local funeral home now to talk about their fees. My dad had a VA life insurance he out lived years ago and they sent him the value in cash. He put that money aside for moms and his funeral along with a little extra. My dad lived till 99 years and 6 weeks, and was amazing until the end. I wish you the best. If your husband was a veteran you could look into the cost if any at a military burial ground.

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You don't....sorry. Even a cremation nowadays is minimum 3k-5k depending on where you live. Start a "Go Fund Me" page now!!!
When my son passed from terminal cancer on January 25, 2018, he was not buried until March 5 because that is how long it took for me to be able to get the lowest cost funeral ($7008.00) dollars paid to have him buried. Funeral homes are vultures.
As I previously stated, get the word out NOW to family and friends b yr e yr

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Sorry....hit the the post button by mistake....you will need to have fundraisers. Ask for donations etc.
You will be in my prays...

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I being alone without local family does not expect a funeral. My family has dysfunctional problems and no one may show up. I requested cremation in my will. By the time I'm gone, no survivors may exist, wasting money for funeral costs and burial that no one may even visit.

I do have about $4,000 in life insurance to leave with some of my existing out of state family, but if eventually on Medicaid for my care, it may take all but $1,500 face value funds that will just cover my suggested cremation wishes.

Maybe my remains can be placed in a space with my father's grave near ghe current region where I live and have a simple service for anyone who does appear.

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Don't be afraid to do something non traditional like a picnic at a local park with everyone sharing their memories. We have something similar going on with the recent passing of my father. I have family members demanding a "Cadillac funeral" but no willingness to pony up any money. My father was a regular church attendee so I have arranged a service through the church with myself doing all the leg work like ordering and picking up some light food for the reception and ordering flowers for the urn myself etc. with this option our total costs should come in around $1200.

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How many people do you expect might attend? My aunt made us promise not to have a funeral. My cousins, their families and mine (about 20 of us) gathered at the cemetery to talk about her life and how we’d miss her, then enjoyed a potluck lunch at a cousin’s house.

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I really don't know how many to expect. It could be a bust or it could be blast. Potlucks are most definitely my style.

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Oh now I would have loved to have seen her expression. That's hilarious!

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ITRR made me think of a couple my parents were friendly with

A was a widow in her 80s probably at the time and diagnosed with ALZ. Her DIL was a nurse at Moms AL. She said before A got bad she had asked her what she wanted in the way of her funeral, A said, cremation and then put her, her Mom and husband all together in one place. DIL asked where were Moms and husbands ashes. A said "Moms are under the bird bath behind the house, and Bill's are down in the basement in the filing cabinet under B.

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Thank you for the laugh, whether you meant to or not!

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Thank you for all the replies. I've gleaned some ideas to begin with. I am going to church now (alone) but have not yet become a member nor am I giving at this time. That will happen "after." I am hoping the pastor will still be willing to work with me in spite of that. Ideally, my desire would be to just have a service at the church, maybe a viewing beforehand, and not have anything at a funeral home. If people can make it, fine, if not, fine. I think I will explore how the Mennonites do their funerals.

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A graveside service is way less than a full fledged funeral.

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Last year, we pre-arranged a cremation for my mother.

We chose a direct cremation. Pick up of the body, and a box to put her in. No urn. They will call me when her ashes are ready.

Total cost was $1,400.

I agree. Your husband does not get to impoverish you (further).

He does not get to bully you any longer, either.

This other first time you get to make a decision without him getting in the way of sanity. Take the step that is right for YOU.

If there are naysayers in your family, they are welcome to pay the bill.

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“This will be the first time…”

Dumb autocorrect!

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I forgot to say something else that I wanted to mention.

My brother didn’t have much resources set aside. I asked at his ‘end of life’ hospice facility if they knew which funeral homes had the best prices for cremation.

Sure enough, the funeral homes that they recommended were the cheapest anywhere. So, ask different sources in your community for recommendations, hospice, churches, etc.

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Donate his body to science and they will cremated it for free.

He doesn't get a funeral that leaves you even less financially stable. You can have a rock engraved and plant him in the backyard.

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My uncle did this. He was single his entire life, he didn’t see the point of spending his money on a funeral. He specified that he wanted his body to be donated to a medical teaching school.

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