I am a caregiver for my mom, have been for 15 years, and I am absolutely exhausted. No family members will help and there are days I pray the good Lord take her home. I feel so guilty about this but her personality is changing for the worse and no matter what I try to do to brighten her day, or even entertain her, she gets so ornery and I find I lose my patience.
I had already taken care of a sibling that passed away and the last years with them was very similar to whats happening with mom. How do I continue on without having this stress wreak havoc on my physical body as well as emotionally?
PS. Dont feel guilty about wishing her on her way to the angels. As long as you don't do anything to hurry her along you don't have anything to feel guilty about.
You can contact Hospice and see if she would qualify. You would get equipment anything from a hospital bed, Hoyer Lift, wheelchair.., that will make it easier to care for her. You will get supplies you need, medications. You will also have a Nurse that will visit at least 1 time a week, a CNA that will come at least 2 times a week, more if needed. A Social Worker, Chaplain and if your Hospice is allowing it a Volunteer can be scheduled to give you a break.
You can also hire (mom pays from her assets) caregivers that will come in and help out. You can have them come in as often as you need. Anything from 4 , 5 or more hours one day a week to having someone come in daily. It all depends on what YOU need and how much your mom can afford.
And even though you are her caregiver, that doesn't mean that you have to keep her entertained all the time. At this point it's more important that you keep yourself entertained, for your sanity's sake. Being a caregiver is the hardest job anyone will ever have, so it's so very important that we don't let it get the best of us. I wish you peace and joy along this journey, and if all else fails, go out on the back porch and let out a BIG scream!!! You'd be amazed how much that will help you as well.
I try to understand how it must weigh on your mind that you can no longer do the things you used to do, have to depend on someone to do the simplest of tasks for you, and life becomes so limited. With that said, ornery behavior can be most aggravating and hard to deal with on a daily basis.
At 98, your mother may be ready to move into a hospice house for care. If not, at least look into respite care for a week or two at a local Assisted Living community where she can stay while YOU get some well deserved R & R. In the meantime, stop trying to be her entertainment committee and focus on taking a hot bath and having a glass of wine instead. There are TWO lives of importance here, not just one. Don't get so lost in thinking only HER life and comfort matters, so does YOURS!
Good luck looming after yourself now!