I have guardianship and conservatorship of my parents. i live out of state. I will be traveling to their home to transport them to assisted living in another state where my sister lives. They both have dementia and are insistent they aren't moving. they refuse in-home care. They are not safe living on their own
Meanwhile, have someone arrange their new home in the manner of their old home arranging furniture in the same place, pictures on the wall in the same place etc. When you return from the day trip use sentences like... oh aren't you glad to be home, oh I'm so glad to be in your home its so nice. The ol' place is looking good. Wow how you have taken such good care of this home. I love coming home and seeing this place. This is how a friend of mine transferred his MIL to a memory care facility.
With dementia, you need to do whatever you need to do to get them in the car (as others say here, not yours, a professional) - tell them they're going to lunch or dinner ... or to a special event.
It doesn't really matter what you tell them. Get them in a vehicle and keep them as calm as possible.
DO get some of their own furniture in their room(s) first, before their arrival. Make it feel like 'home' - they may or may not know the difference based on how you set it up and what they may recall/remember.
Introduce staff as your friends 'from out of town.' They are visiting for a while and would enjoy talking with you, TOO.
As you want / need to get some of their furniture / furnishings, including clothes, photos into the new facility / room(s), give yourself time to do this. Most likely, they would need to be out of their current house to do moving some of their furniture/furnishings into the new facility.
Give yourself enough time to get this done.
Perhaps they would benefit from a medication to calm them down.
It depends. If I were you, I would contact their MD before you get there to ensure you have a prescription / something if / as needed, during this major transition / transportation need. Just take the edge off. You don't want them falling asleep.
However things move along DO NOT ARGUE with them.
This adds fuel to the (already) fire.
Agree with them. "Yes, I understand... you are right. We are going home very soon." If they believe they are home, say "I understand. I'll take care of it immediately" at whatever objection(s) they have ... then smile and give them a hug. Then change the subject. They might be very aware of other people around, strangers ... they likely will know something is off.
Never argue. They are confused and scared. My client readily responded to me when I said "I love you M' - even though she had advanced dementia. She got it that I care. They feel. Its just the brain that is scrambled / losing brain cells.
Gena / Touch Matters
You know them best; what will they accept? Whatever it is, use words that calm them. Remember, their idea of senior facilities is horrible places where people go to die.
It takes a lot of consistent and heartfelt conversations, giving them time to come to a realization. But when dementia is involved, you often have to invoke the authorities. First contact your Area on Aging for resources and contacts to caregivers and support for your situation.
My mother tried to wrest he steering wheel from my husband while we were driving her from rehab to Assisted Living.
I worry that they will not be calm or cooperative, so medical transport won't be an option. I like the idea of telling them it's just temporary. My sister and I will both be driving them (we are taking them to her city) so I'm hoping we can handle it between the two of us. I expect some anger and perhaps verbal abuse but nothing physical. We are in communication with the senior living place and they are aware it's likely to be a hostile situation. At least they will be together.
Thanks again everyone.
Talk to the facility you're moving them to and tell them they will be a hostile transfer and can they recommend any type of transportation you can hire to take them.
You will probably have to hire medical transport like BarbBrooklyn suggests in the comments.
Make sure the facility admins know they may be uncooperative in moving, or you are using a "therapeutic fib" (so that they can play along).
Consider moving 1 person per day, if it comes to this.
Are either of them on medication for depression, anxiety or agitation? If not, maybe this is something that can happen beforehand with their primary doctor.
Medical transport will only work if your parents are calm and cooperative. You will need to have a Plan B in case it doesn't go well.
I wish you success in getting them moved!
Guardianship/conservatorship is not depend on what state a person is in. Taking the parents 'across state lines' is nothing. The legal conservator/guardian can take them anywhere they want.
If it's court done it applies in all 50 states. Like a divorce decree. If you're legally divorced, it's legal everywhere.