You all have been very helpful so far so I’m hoping I can get more advice and tips! For background, MIL is elderly, very sick, diagnosed with vascular dementia. It is advancing rapidly. MIL lives with us and what started out as a good intention action (letting her move with us) has turned into a nightmare. MIL has become very, very mean (she was before but the dementia has taken to the next level), inappropriate, at times refuses medications or food, and has become a cloud of negative energy over the household. I think I have *finally* got hubs to agree to put her into a memory care facility, where she really needs to be. His intentions of caring for her, helping her, etc were good but she is becoming a nightmare to deal with, not to mention, she’s done unsafe things that have cost us a great deal of money to undo. She has some money to pay for some of it, but we’ll have to figure out how to pay for the other half of it. My question is, where to even start? Who do we contact? What if there is a waiting list? There is so much information out there it’s overwhelming.
I moved her to assisted living and now think it is way above her ability. So, I am giving it a few days and may move her back, even though these transitions are not easy.
if you MIL is not easy to handle, you may find some facilities that will want to observe her first.
i wish you the best. It has been an incredibly emotional journey for me and still remains difficult mostly getting the level of care correct.
A service may be a wonderful educator,
I didn’t think my mom needed memory care when I placed her. I think she was in between as well… AL didn’t have availability, and I was low on options because of Medicaid. And only 10 months of self pay ability. We decided to place her in the memory care side with plans to move her if need be… all in Gods plan ..
Is anyone her PoA? This is the person who needs to read the document to see what is required to activate the legal authority (usually one or 2 medical diagnosis of incapacity).
If no one is her PoA, this is another issue.
Once the PoA is active, I would book a consultation with a Medicaid Planner for her state (Medicaid rules vary by state). This will help you know if and when she would qualify because you thinking you can or should pay for her is a very bad plan. Care (either hired or from a facility) is extremely expensive in most cases.
Once you know her financial situation in regards to Medicaid, you shop around for good, local facilities that have AL, MC, LTC and hospice AND accepts Medicaid. You want to get her in on private pay so that she's already an established resident before she needs to apply for Medicaid and this is how you avoid waiting lists.
Do not tell her about her impending move. Make sure she gets treated for her agitation and anxiety before she goes into the care facility. Before the move come back here and the forum can give you tips and wisdom about how to make the transition smoother.
In the meantime, watch Teepa Snow vidoes on YouTube or read books to educate yourself on how dementia changes our LOs and tactics to engage with them more productively and peacefully. I wish you all the best.
I agree , get MIL to the doctor for med help.
contact your county office ageing and disabilities.. my office, had an assessment done to see if she would physically qualify. Then when the time was closer to Medicaid I had a specialist who would do the application… my mom passed just before that appointment…
my moms memory care had a contract with a care company. The nurse practitioner saw my mom at the facility. One of the First thing she did was evaluate my mom for incapacitation.
one step at a time, get the ducks in a row..I wish you peace with the process