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My heart aches for you, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, my most sincere condolences. I'm sorry for what you're dealing with regarding these very meddlesome family members. You've done absolutely nothing wrong. Under no circumstances should you should grant any of them power of attorney over your father, you should have this. Have a discussion with your dad, discuss what POA entails, it sounds like he is still mentally competent to understand. Since your dad wants to try to live alone for awhile, I highly recommend reaching out to elder services in the community your dad resides. They will be a valuable resource regarding services including home care, housekeeping, transportation, etc. Also, I strongly advise becoming a joint signer on your dad's bank accounts (if you're not already). Your dad will need to be with you, simply go to your local bank branch and let them know of the intent to make the accounts joint owner. This will greatly simplify things for you should your dad become incapacitated and is no longer able to manage his finances. It will also allow you to manage his accounts on line since you're out of state. Finally, I think you should also discuss having your dad live with you. When he comes to visit you should ask him. Again, so sorry for what you're dealing with, best to you, and Godspeed to you and your dad, cherish your relationship with him.
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I used to want some help, but after reading your situation...I'm glad they all disappeared....Just pray, a lot....you were trying to use common sense and obviously, they had none...
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I’m dealing with the same problem. Dad has 9 siblings… all of them in their 80s & 90s. All of them very opinionated and bossy.

Establishing boundaries while acknowledging their grief with all the changes helped me.

Here are some tools/tips to help with the conversations.

I end up repeating some of her a lot when I feel they’re trying to out talk me into changing my mind about decisions I’ve made with my Dad. it’s especially effective when I make the statement and go silent with a smile. If they start again I strongly suggest we change the subject. It’s worked wonders with 2 of my aunts that are the family bullies. And I’m okay with them being angry because I’m not trying to make them happy, only my dad.

As for his care.,, don’t let them take over. Try to get him to come live with you. You’ll be happier in the long run. Ignore his siblings.

If he refuses to live with you, do the long distance route. It’s not easy but it can be done.

I hope this helps and good luck.

Boundaries: 

Here are some examples of healthy boundaries.

Family members:

• ask permission.

• take one another’s feelings into consideration.

• are honest and direct.

• clearly communicate their wants, needs, and feelings.

• give each other space.

• avoid codependent behaviors.

• show respect for differing perspectives, opinions, and feelings.

Here are some phrases that might help: 
Excerpt from the setting healthy boundaries worksheet link below: 

“I appreciate your concern, but this is my decision.” 

“I respect your opinion, but I don’t share it.”

“I will no longer be in the middle of family conflict.”

“Please stop asking/saying/doing _________.”

“I understand your frustration, but I am choosing __________.”


What are boundaries?
https://www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/what-are-boundaries/

Setting Healthy Boundaries
https://www.betweensessions.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Setting-Healthy-Boundaries-with-Family-Members_ad_040622-1.pdf
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Oh my gosh. Well, I'm an only child as well. I do have a half sister from my dad's brief previous marriage. I lost my dad suddenly 2 years ago. My mom's dementia began to spiral with the added depression over losing her husband of 60 years. I've had to step in and do everything for my mom. I always discuss things with her at a time when she is more lucid. Her siblings began filling her head with ideas that I was trying to take her money. Her handyman already manipulated her out of what little she did have. There was only one $10k policy. They still had a mortgage and an equity loan. I had to take over bill paying. And I make sure she has everything she needs and wants and everything to make her feel safe in her home with her pets. My half sister began a hate campaign against me the day after our dad died. Telling me I was the most selfish person she knew. But never explaining why. Never saying anything in fact. She blocked me on Facebook and blocked my phone from calling her. I spent a year crying and wracking my brain , trying to figure out what I said or did to cause her and Mom's siblings to suddenly think the worse of me. They all keep in touch with Mom but have criticism about me. But never come visit or offer help. I refer to them as armchair quarterbacks. I too am single and no kids. I'm caring for my mom the best I know how, and I make decisions based on what I know "old Mom" would have wanted and after I've given things a great deal of thought, taking everything into consideration. But I AM HER NEXT OF KIN. HER ONLY CHILD. Just as you are your dad's only child. You know what is best for your dad and I'm sure have discussed it all with him. Don't let other family members bully you. It is so hard and I've lost too much sleep, cried too many tears over what other family members think. I hate that it's that way. But that is their choice. Sometimes the death of a loved one brings out the worst in people. Yet others, keep their heads and wits about them and hold their heads high, and do what is right, and keeping their dignity along the way. Do what you know is right for your dad. Don't let ANYONE push you out. Ignore them and take care of Dad. As far as learning to grieve in the face of all this...let me know if you figure that one out. Best of luck to you. Stay strong, stay kind and loving to your dad, and realize that you are living your parent's legacy. Do what your parents would want you to do. And do what would make them proud. Your relatives certainly are not honoring your mom's memory. Honor her every day. Do what you know in your heart is right.
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