I am a live-in caregiver for a 71 year old male (Francisco) and also a caregiver for my paranoid schizophrenic wife (Carla). Part of my responsibilities for Francisco is to rent the extra bedroom whenever it is vacant. The newest roommate has changed in the first three months and engaged into a adolescent power grab for my job. The problem is that this new roommate is verbally abusive and tries to physically intimidate both my wife and I as part of his campaign. Francisco is gay, the new roommate is not, however Francisco is smitten by him. The new roommate knows this and plays into his admiration. My wife and I torn. First, my wife is experiencing mild episodes whenever the new roommate makes threats towards me. Second, we know Francisco isn't thinking logically and my wife and I both still care deeply for this man's safety. Knowing how we feel, we don't want to just leave him with someone that shows all the signs of being unstable and unqualified for our jobs. Seniors and Disabilities Services won't do much because they base all their decision making off of what they see in the moment during their visit and Francisco's current wishes. We don't want to be subject to anymore verbal abuse. Also, we have reached out to Francisco's family, which is not involved in his life directly nor his daily care, and there isn't anything they can do for us either. Francisco's relationship with them has been estranged for decades. My wife and I only get $200 a month off our rent for all the serves we provide so our mission here has never been for the money. We just care and we are scared of what may happen if we leave, or quit by going back to paying our full rent as apposed to the two hundred discount. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I'll answer any questions I can as well.
If you are neither his PoA nor his legal guardian, you have no legal power at all, unless Francisco is competent and will now assign that authority to you.
When you say you have "responsibilities" for Francisco, are these written down in a contract? Is anything in writing? Please provide more info.
If the roommate has signed some sort of agreement with Francisco, what does it state? If so, is there anything stated about voiding the rental?
If the roommate is getting his mail sent there, it is his legal address and Francisco will need to evict him. You will need to check with the laws for his county to see what that process is.
If the roommate is making any sort of verbal threats please call 911 every single time so that he's on the radar of the police. If you can video him making the threats, all the better.
I think the new roommate sees you are between a rock and a hard place so can take advantage of you. Only you can make changes. You need to at least investigate what lodging there is for you. Then tell F that you will need to leave because u cannot live there as long as the other roommate is. If he says "oh well" then u know how he feels about ur care. You can leave with no worries. He has chosen the roommate good or bad.
Go to Social Services and see if they can help you in getting something affordable. You maybe able to get help for your wife thru Medicaid.
Preserving confidentiality is I think very important in caring for someone.
I would NOT tolerate any threats, to anyone. This new roommate needs to grow up, act like an adult, and just as important, act in a civil manner.
If he's threatening now, what might he do if he gets really mad, or out of control? Have you or Francisco ever had to call the police on him? This might be something to consider: consulting with local law enforcement on how to deal with this guy, as well as establishing a foundation for attempting to resolve the manner. That way, this roommate is on the police radar if anything does result in violence.
How did Francisco find this guy? Was any background check done on him?
You might also consider asking Francisco to have a hidden camera installed to record the roommate's outbursts and threatening behavior.
And ask yourself if $200 is worth the threats to your wife, you and Francisco, but most importantly to you and your wife. Personally, I don't think that amount of money could compensate what might happen if the new roommate becomes physically violent. He's already causing friction. He sounds like a loose cannon to me.
Another aspect occurs to me: you're renting, so you must have a lease. Is Francisco renting via a lease to the new guy? I think I would check your own lease to see what clauses might address the situation, i.e., the conditions by which you could leave w/o penalty. You don't want to be held responsible for allowing a nutcase to cause trouble and upset your own landlord.
It's also unclear to me why one of your responsibilities is to rent the spare room, but apparently Francisco owns the house, or apartment? I think this goes way beyond a caregiver's responsibility.
In addition, how or who found the new guy? Was a background check done on him?
You may be concerned about Francisco, but your first concerns should be for you and your wife.
Your employer is taking advantage of you and it is time for him to be a man and live with the consequences of his choices. Maybe his family is hands off for a very good reason.
My husband would stomp any man that threatened me into a mud puddle, maybe it's time to call his BS and take him to the dirt. Only a coward abuses women, so he will probably back off when you call him out man to man.