Ex-husband is being discharged from hospital after collapse due to CHF and from what he told me, his apartment needs some help to be liveable. He has Colitis and incontinence, Diabetes and COPD/Heart failure, as well as sundowner and sleep apnea with seizures . Bed, bathroom and floors are probably soiled. He lives independently in a building for seniors, but they don't provide cleaning services at all. He can't clean up, but I cannot help, as I am in quarantine with our adult (disabled) son. We can't expose him and he has no other support system. He still wants to have my son go to his house and clean up floors, bedsheets, bathroom, etc. However, the son is not physically capable of doing it at this point and would expose him to COVID, even if he was. We are both very sick right now, permanently disabled and living apart from him on SSI. Help must be affordable, as we all have little to nothing. I feel helpless. He doesn't get any of the facts as they are, and is expecting our son to do it all for him tomorrow. Would have tried sooner, but just had it sprung on us. Wondering about service organizations, volunteer groups, programs, etc. , as well as affordable persons for hire. Thanks.
Don't do anything more for your ex. He is not in his right mind and needs mental help.
Any service that is going to deal with cleaning up bodily fluids is going to cost money. United Way might be able to help your ex.
I would suggest that you don't get involved. Your ex sounds like he could harm others, you and your son included.
Make sure they know you will not be picking him up. If you do, as soon as you walk out those hospital doors, he is now your responsibility. Its not your responsibility to find someone to clean his apartment either. Your divorced for a reason. If they do send him home, call Adult Protection Services and tell them he is a vulnerable adult.
Come back and tell us what happens. Your experience helps others.
This job requires professional cleaning, which won’t be cheap. Your ex will have to come up with the money somehow.
Why is this even your responsibility? He is your ex! Your son doesn’t owe him anything either.
Step away from this situation and if you are contacted again, say to him, “I have been thinking about this situation and I cannot help you with this matter. Good luck!” Then hang up the phone.
Obviously there are some serious issues going on with him, may be time for him to go into a home where he can be properly cared for.
Cleaning his house will not accomplish a thing, he will just mess it up again, even if he wanted to keep it clean, it is obvious that he is unable to do so.
Why is it that she or son should discommode themselves while ill chasing down "help"?
That's what we are saying
I would not assist in the impossible task of cleaning his place because he should not be moving back there.
Do not use your money to get his place clean you have your son and yourself to take care of.
Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for someone us tell them no.
We had a situation much like the one described by the OP at the very beginning of COVID; elderly single man, living in a hoarded apartment, taken to the hospital and not able to return home until there was remediation. Rabbi got social services involved, found a hoarding remediation company (which the gentleman paid for). He did NOT have dementia. The fact that the OP's ex-husband does is the game-changer here; he simply shouldn't be living alone.
There are some situations that volunteers CAN take on (like the one Bandy describes) but cleaning human waste is a dangerous job and shouldn't be left to amateurs.
Medicare does not.
I'm talking about the re-habilitation OF a home, as in cleaning and repairing.
Sorry, I should have been clearer about that.
Call the discharge planning office at the hospital and explain the situation to them.
It's quite clear (to me at least) that your husband's physical AND cognitive problems are such that he needs a higher level of care than an apartment building with no services.
This is NOT a job for untrained volunteers. There are hazmat companies that do this, but not for free.
Is ex on Medicaid? It's possible that the hospital can involve Social Services to get this done, but frankly, this situation has "unsafe discharge " written all over it.