How can a person 3 years into an Alzheimer's diagnosis be deemed "healthy as a horse" by her sibling?

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How can a person 3 years into an Alzheimer's diagnosis be deemed "healthy as a horse" by her sibling?

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My sister in law was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 3 years ago. Her disease has advanced, e.g. difficulty with personal hygiene and trouble dressing, putting on footwear before anything else. She had failed to get routine tests such as mammography and colonoscopy until prompted by her sibling. Fortunately all tests were negative including blood work, which was in normal range. Her sibling uttered the words to me - "She is healthy as a horse." That to me seems to be an inaccurate statement, as her brain is broken. What say you?

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Actually, I say it all the time: my soon to be 94 y/o mother is as healthy as a horse. In spite of her moderate dementia which is progressing rather quickly these days. Her body is fine, her mind, not so much. But it will be quite a long time before dementia actually takes her life, in reality.............so in the meantime, she IS as healthy as a horse.

It bothers me that my mother is as healthy as she is..........b/c she's 100% miserable 100% of the time and constantly saying she 'wants to die'. Knowing that the dementia is NOT going to take her life any time soon is a point of frustration precisely BECAUSE she says she is ready to die. She has a lot of pain in her legs/feet from neuropathy, which is an ongoing thing too, but not life threatening.

Could it be that your SIL is feeling frustrated that her sibling is 'as healthy as a horse' and nowhere near the end of her life at this stage of the game?

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lealonnie1: Thank you your post and your experience with your mother. I am sorry for that. My ill sister in law is rapidly worsening.

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My mom doesn't have any physical ailments either...she has always taken good care of herself...didn't drink, or smoke and always exercised until the mental decline. I am on year 10 with mom and her dementia and the only medication she is on are meds for dementia. So, I get it. My moms brother was telling people that my mom is fine and probably doesn't even have dementia. This is someone who sees her once a year. He has no clue that she can't dress herself most of the time and refuses to bathe, hides everything from combs to dirty underwear because she thinks someone will steal them. It angers me beyond belief. The best way I have found to deal with it is to tell myself that maybe he can't handle the fact that his sister is sick and denial is his way of dealing with it. Once I looked at it like that, I was able to let some of the anger go.

Also, I wanted to mention that I stopped getting mammograms and colonoscopies for mom because if she did have cancer, I would not put her through chemo or surgery to prolong this demented state that she is in. When mom was in her right mind, she wanted quality of life over length of life. I am following through with her wishes.

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Both of my sisters (older & younger) refused to believe me (as full-time caregiver), actually told me my 'nervous nature' was being 'hysterical', based upon each of their 3 times a year special visits (major holidays/birthdays), when mom was on her best behavior for the 'guests'--then they'd merrily go back to their lives and never call or contact until the next holiday. Mom sleeps for 3 days after such visits; they have no idea of that. D*mn, "I can't believe this is going on in MY family!"

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My mom, too, was healthy as a horse. No physical medical issues at all! No lifetime meds for heart or blood pressure or any other things that get so many as they age. My grandmother was the same and she lived to 101.

But, the brain, a different story for both. She is fortunate to not have the physical issues as that would make the caregiving even harder.

I wouldn't think this was said out of ignorance as in some ways she is as healthy as a horse. Let it go.

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gladimhere: Thank you for your post with your insight. I appreciate it.

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Physical health vs. mental health probably.

Horses can't use toilets, clean their homes, cook, etc either.

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ZippyZee: Thank you for your post. I appreciate you.

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Maybe she means "except for her brain"?

In terms of defense mechanisms that folks employ, denial is the one that is most protective of the individual. Seeing that a sibling has significant deficits, that she has a life-limiting, progressive disease must be devestating to a sibling.

I must say, if I had dementia, I would NOT be getting colonoscopies or mamograms. I would not want treatment for anything that ailed me.

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Llama,

I think I would tell her siblings that horses don't get Alzheimer's!!

I know you understand that her brain is broken, but they need to educate themselves about the disease! As they are her siblings, they need to be aware of how the brain controls the body and that they too may be susceptible to Alzheimer's.

My heart goes out to you!
It's hard to make someone understand!!

Hang in there!!

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xrayjodib: Thank you so much for post. You're words resonated so well about the truth of Alzheimer's. When relatives may say words like I'd posted in my subject line, it does concern me. Thank you for understanding.

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First I do agree that a person can be as "healthy as a horse" and still have dementia of any type. Yes the brain is broken but the rest of the person is healthy.
Second, anyone with dementia I would not push to have a mammogram, colonoscopy or other testing along those lines. I say this for several reasons.
1. to put someone with dementia through some tests is difficult and in some cases they would have to be sedated. Dementia and sedation do not do well together.
2. IF they were subjected to the tests and IF one came back indicating there was a concern would you actually opt to put someone with dementia through surgery and possibly chemo and or radiation? (I would hope not)
I have to say my Husband was healthy in all respects EXCEPT the Alzheimer's (and maybe Vascular dementia) and I opted not to have him have a colonoscopy. I went through 1 bout of Norovirus with him and after cleaning diarrhea for a solid weekend and doing 40 loads of wash I can not imagine having had him prep for such a test! Toss of the coin what would have killed him faster the Dementia or colon cancer.

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Grandma1954: Thank you for your post. I do understand what you're stating; however, this person NEVER had mammography or colonoscopy, is about to turn 69 with Alzheimer's, as previously stated.

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Many people with Alzheimer's are free of "physical" medical problems. So, in that sense, they are "healthy as a horse."

However, many relatives are in denial because they don't understand how a person with no other health issues can possibly have Alzheimer's disease. There is also a big myth that if you "stay active" and do crossword puzzles daily to stimulate your brain, that you are protected from this awful disease.

This is one of the heartbreaking things about early-onset Alzheimer's - especially when people in their 40s and 50s get it. Many of those people are quite healthy otherwise, have full-time professional careers, etc. (A friend of mine's mother was a college professor - and got it in her early 50s.)

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dragonflower: Thank you for your post. Yes, Alzheimer's is a horrid disease and perhaps the well sister in law can provide herself with a small measure of comfort in knowing that her sibling is otherwise healthy.

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Llamalover47, ((Hugs)), I understand how you feel. When I try to explain what is going on with my hubby and they will say, "Oh, everyone our age (insert condition) all the time. It makes me want to either hit them or tear my hair out. I have just given up trying to explain what is going on in our lives.

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MaryKathleen: Thank you for your post and hugs. It is frustrating, isn't it? Hugs and prayers for your husband.

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I'm sure you know what the Sibling meant.

Her body is as healthy as a horse, it's just that her brain doesn't work as well as before.

You can have alzheimers for years and years and years if you're as healthy as a horse.

If you're sickly tgen you will die from something else before the alzheimers takes away all your brain.

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bevthegreat: Thank you for your post. I appreciate you and the time you took to compose it. I was reaching out for thoughts on my thread and while I surely understand the implications made by the well sister in law, it is good to ask and receive opinions.

How can a person 3 years into an Alzheimer's diagnosis be deemed "healthy as a horse" by her sibling?

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