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My wife's father is 89 yrs old. he goes to dialysis 3x a week. A young nurse has been making passes at him and we just found out that they went on a date this past sat. night. He has problems walking, can't catch breath and is very gullible.
Oh, my!! Yes, this is strictly forbidden. It is a professional responsibility of all staff, no matter what role, to maintain a professional distance. A Psychiatric Doctor as well as a nurse should be held accountable for crossing this line. If they had never met in the professional setting, they could date. This is true throughout the nation.
This doesn't sound good. As Miette said, if they'd met elsewhere the situation would be different, but under these conditions the nurse should not be seeing him socially. This sounds highly inappropriate. I'd check into it. Carol
By "young", I'm assuming anyone under 89 yrs.? Usually there are guidelines put in place for registered nurses, but if this is a CNA, she won't have the same consequences. Speak with the director of nursing at your loved one's dialysis place of business and let them know. However, before making any allegations, you had better have proof she went on a "date" with him, and not something he made up. To ruin a career is very serious.
Before becoming my mother's caregiver, I was a full time financial advisor. I've actually seen 2 different clients write employees from the nursing homes into their Wills. These clients don't understand that these people are already getting paid to be there for them. In one instance, the whole family took it to court and won, luckily. I can't speak for hospitals, but most nursing homes have an ethics code. Not all do! And even then, all they can do is terminate their employment. Hardly a consequence for manipulating elderly patients for financial gain. I would investigate and get as much information possible. It's sad to say that there are people in this world with despicable motives. Let's hope this isn't the case here!
This type of behavior is unethical. The nurse's behavior should be reported to the Director of the dialysis center. This type of behavior should never happen; this is how abuse and exploitation begins. If she has this kind of behavior with your dad, she's probably has had this behavior in the past and will do it aging in the future.
My mom fantasizes about a dr and would tell me fantastical sTories of their dates, weekends away, etc. anyone would think it very real. I asked to be introduced and then offered to drive mom to an appt with him...knowing it wasn't true. She wouldn't go to the appt or invite him over...
I would talk to dad, go with him and ask him to introduce you to her...if it's true, then you can do something...if it's a fantasy on his part, then you can make nurses and CNA aware.
I am amazed at the posters who want the nurse reported. Put on your thinking caps people, that approach could get some innocent woman in trouble, even if proven untrue it could end up in her personal file.
Best approach, go there and meet this nurse. See if there is any truth to it.
If it is true(which seems doubtful) than you take action.
My mother 91 y/o kept telling me that an old friend, who is a realtor, was her boyfriend. She told me they had it going on while my father was sick and dying years ages too. I was of course disgusted and shocked since my mother is one of the most judgmental person on earth. Now I am thinking that the Dementia was part of her fantasy. There is more than likely some truth to some of it but not to the fantasy she has it all built up to be in her mind. He was actually just keeping her close to get the real estate contact and future listing. Before you create any turmoil about this nurse check into it somehow to make sure the date was real and not imagined by him. Also have you seen her actually flirting in an inappropriate way. If you do in fact have proof that she may be a predator lower the boom and HARD! I actually talked to my mothers "fantasy" boyfriend about her feeling he was more than a friend. The conversation was not confrontational but friendly. He was very uncomfortable so I think he got caught flirting but not more. He no longer calls or visits Mom. That in itself was a dead give away to me since that he either was guilty or just realized that my mother is delusional. Either way problem solved.
I do know of a nurse who took in a patient to her home. She cared for this patient but eventually the patient started taking her and her childs drugs for himself. She terminated the "set-up" and sent him back to a hospital where he was then placed in a long term facility. I do not believe there were repercussions for her, I do not know if it was originally a romantic thing. In any case, it is a tricky line to be crossed. I agree to go slowly and wisely with any accusations.
If you know for sure that she saw him on a "date", then she should be reported to her employer and also to the state board of nursing. This is serious stuff. Getting her fired now may not help if she has his contact information. You may need to report the situation to your state's agency that handles elder abuse. But - make sure he's not just making this up before you take any steps.
We have "Senior Helpers" that come in daily to be with Dad. I have twice heard him call one : "My girlfriend" in all seriousness. That was total imagination on his part.
We also had an incident with an elderly woman at the local Senior Center (senior activity and daily cheap lunch kind of place) Dad started spending lots of time with Helen, to the level of choosing to miss family events (very unusual) to do so. We were concerned about "gold digger potential" there, so arranged to have Dad's money protected in a trust. Within a week of that trust being formed, (and Dad telling all the other old people at the center about it), no more Helen.
(So I agree, you should meet her and try to determine if it's real. It will still be hard to say, whether it's true or not. So go to the administrator, and say that: "I don't know if this is true or not." and then tell them your concerns. Don't go in there looking to get her fired, but don't assume it's pure innocent either.
My ex-father in-law married one of these nurses who bore a child (he believed to be his) The entire family disowned him and I don't know what ever happened to the supposed half brother of my ex.Gold diggers run rampant.
Before I'd make any accusations, I'd want to find out if maybe these "dates" are nothing but fantasies of an old man. When my father had dementia, he used to imagine that he was having all kinds of intimate relationships with the nursing staff.
I also cannot imagine why any staff member would want to "date" an 89-year-old nursing home resident.
Dragonflower they are not interested in his body but more likely in his wallet! All of these answers are good....if he has dementia it may all be a fantasy of his BUT if it is true then something no-good is going on and must be stopped.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Carol
I would talk to dad, go with him and ask him to introduce you to her...if it's true, then you can do something...if it's a fantasy on his part, then you can make nurses and CNA aware.
I am amazed at the posters who want the nurse reported. Put on your thinking caps people, that approach could get some innocent woman in trouble, even if proven untrue it could end up in her personal file.
Best approach, go there and meet this nurse. See if there is any truth to it.
If it is true(which seems doubtful) than you take action.
We also had an incident with an elderly woman at the local Senior Center (senior activity and daily cheap lunch kind of place) Dad started spending lots of time with Helen, to the level of choosing to miss family events (very unusual) to do so. We were concerned about "gold digger potential" there, so arranged to have Dad's money protected in a trust. Within a week of that trust being formed, (and Dad telling all the other old people at the center about it), no more Helen.
(So I agree, you should meet her and try to determine if it's real. It will still be hard to say, whether it's true or not. So go to the administrator, and say that: "I don't know if this is true or not." and then tell them your concerns. Don't go in there looking to get her fired, but don't assume it's pure innocent either.
I also cannot imagine why any staff member would want to "date" an 89-year-old nursing home resident.