My 86 y.o. dad's decline has picked up substantially in just the last two months. I had to take him to the ER over the weekend because he was extremely lethargic, his toes looked purple (which they were not the previous day), he was confused, and his back pain seemed worse although he down played it. Blood work, CT scan, x-ray done.
Today I finally got the whole story. The doctor asked me what I knew about his medical history and I told him, KF, CHF, vascular dementia. The doctor said it's much worse than that. Dad has two spinal slipped discs, poor bone integrity, liver failure and cancer of the lungs, liver, and stomach. He asked what did I want for dad and I said I want him to be comfortable. I don't feel I could continue to care for him alone at home so I said hospice without any hesitation.
The doctor was happy to hear that and told me the options were 1. in-home hospice, 2. hospice in a facility (he mentioned this could be more difficult to get into), and lastly 3. a skilled nursing facility where hospice would go to him.
All of this is happening so suddenly. I just wanted to hear from others their experiences with the three options suggested to me by the doctor. I know dad wants to be home and I would like to honor his wishes but I want him to have the best care and minimal suffering. The doctor told me he may pass away while still in the ICU.
Forgive me for the long post.
If you bring dad home with hospice, he'll get very little care from them and 98% of the hands on work will be on you. An RN comes once a week, or more towards the end, to check vitals and adjust meds which YOU administer, and a CNA comes to bathe dad 2x a week. A chaplain and social worker stop by once in awhile as well.
I'm so sorry dad's gotten such a serious diagnosis. May God help you thru this difficult time, my friend, and bring you both peace.
It seems your father’s death is imminent. I am sorry. You know how things are at home, if you have trouble with caring for dad or if he is compliant.Unless you have family or help you can call in, you will most likely be alone.
The inpatient hospice provides the most help and the rooms are usually large and you will also be comfortable. The NH rooms are small and probably like the rehab he was in recently. You will have that staff and the hospice staff coming in and the ability to speak with the hospice nurse as needed.
I am sorry your dad is in such poor health. Good that the doctor explained all his issues to you. Dad is lucky to have you care for him. Let us know how it is going. We are here for you.
And if your dad dies within the week Medicare will cover all costs 100%. If he doesn't die within the week, he can still stay there, but he will have to pay out of pocket to stay there. The cost is comparable to a nursing facility, but the care will be MUCH better.
That would be my recommendation.
I had in-home hospice for my late husband for the last 22 months of his life and I still had to do 99% of his care, and it was not peaceful whatsoever.
I wish you peace on this final journey with your dad.
God bless you.
May HE guide your decision to whatever is best for you and your dad.
Great big warm hug!
We've had two posters here in the past few months who were told that their LO was imminently dying who then survived for several months or more. I have no reason to doubt the doctor's prognosis, just be aware that sometimes, taking someone home turns into several month's of nonstop caregiving.
A hospice house sounds like the best possible choice.
After about a week, my ys was making arrangements to transfer him to a hospice that had a home attached, but he died a few days later.
This was only 11 days.
It is ultimately up to you.
Can you care for him at home? You will need to get caregivers as it is difficult for 1 person to care for someone with no help at all.
Hospice will provide all the supplies and equipment you need. They will teach and support you in how to provide the best care.
Hospice in a facility or an In Patient Hospice Unit are also great choices Insurance will cover some but not all costs so it will depend on his insurance and his assets.
If he is nearing end of life as you indicate I would take him home so he is more comfortable. It does not sound like you would be caring for him for 6 to 12 months.
The truth here is that your father may not pass quickly.
And with him in home the amount of help you will get is:
An aid to assist with bathing either one or two times a week.
An RN visit that will be very brief once a week. She/he will take BP, listen to complaints, leave.
A call from a clergy person.
A call from a social worker.
Medications such as morphine.
That's about it.
I recommend trying hard for in facility hospice.
Second choice SNF if that can be covered, with hospice going in to them.
I am so sorry for what you are facing and so glad you are using hospice, such as it is. I just want you to understand what has/is happened/happening to Hospice.
If I had it to do over I would want her to go to a care home (which don't exist in my area), or in a situation as grave as you are describing, maybe have your LO stay in the hospital. Friends have told me they received good hospice care in the hospital.
My mom didn't have cancer. Her friend had cancer that spread, and she was in hospice for literally one day. It's so hard to know what to do when we can't predict how long someone has to live.
There is assistance but no real break.
We set it up so she had aides for bathing twice a week. Nurse visits twice a week... So she had visitors 4 days a week. Pain meds for her.
24 hour call assistance if there were any medical issues. I use that 2 times.
A volunteer who would sit with her once a month for me to escape. lol
Visit from clergy every 3 weeks or so.
And a very easy transfer to the funeral home after her death.
My Mom and Dad both died at home, loved and cared for.
I want to thank everyone again for your advice and support.
My dad was transfered from the ICU to hospice Tuesday evening. I went to see him and provided his DNR/ Health care proxy.
He has been rejecting food and drink while in ICU, (the last "meal" he had was Saturday morning before the trip to the ICU which was a few pieces of a tangerine and a few sips of ensure). His eyes stay closed for the most part, his speech is jibberish, and the gurgling sounds have begun. I can't even describe how I feel right now.
How are you doing? Thinking of you. Big hugs.
May your dad's passing be gentle on both of you.
May The Lord give you renewed strength day to day.
((((((Hugs))))))
Don't be surprised if you go from numb one minute, to hysterical the next. Just feel what you are feeling. It's very difficult. My heart is with you.
I do break down and I try hard to keep my composure. It feels like a dream.