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Has anyone ever had an aide just stop showing up?


So we hired this lady who at first seemed great, until she wasn't. First she'd show up late. Then she'd show up late, leave early. Then some days she wouldn't turn up at all and eventually she stopped showing up altogether. No phone call, no text message, nothing. Not a word.


My family and I are trying to find another aide, but meanwhile we're left wondering what happened. I thought maybe something happened to her, but my aunt tried texting her from a different phone number posing as a potential new client, and got through to her- surprise, the aide who ghosted us is available those days.


What gives? Does this happen often? We were paying this person out of pocket, mind you, not going through an agency (horrible experience!) We hired her off of care.com. My aunt thinks that maybe this lady stole something of value, but I haven't noticed anything gone missing. And this lady is from a rich area, according to my aunt she has money (but then why is she caregiving if she's "rich"?)


I personally don't think it's theft. The aide never struck me as the type of person to steal, especially from an elderly person. You never know, but my gut says no. I think either she got offended by something, or something happened with her ill child and she had to suddenly quit, tried to give warning and couldn't get through to my aunt. She always said she had trouble contacting her. But then, leave a note or something. Maybe she did and my grandmother threw it out? Who knows.


What are your thoughts? Has anyone had this experience? Has anyone had an aide steal from them? What happened? Please share. Any advice/input would be greatly appreciated.

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It is a strange world we're a living in. Looking for staff at work, people do not show up for interviews. Once offered the job, they accept, then do not show up or even call. Strange things going on everywhere.

I wouldn't think theft either.
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Unsure about theft.. until something is found to be missing but totally unprofessional.

Ensure you have terminated her contract & have everything in writing (keep all texts & emails) as future recourse just in case any future issues.

Any meds missing by chance?
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Kimmotion May 2021
Omg, I didn't even think of that! But what would she want with blood pressure meds?
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As a family, we NEVER had good luck with agency help OR private hire help. We would up paying friends of the family when fill in respite care was necessary.
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Kimmotion Jun 2021
Agency was a nightmare for us, too. The aide we hired for Grandpa brought in bedbugs and caused $7,000 worth of damage. It was disgusting! Thankfully they don't carry disease, but still a nightmare. It's so hard to get rid of them, had to hire pest control multiple times.
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We are, I suspect, in the same position you are. We can only "guess". It is, if nothing else, a lesson in acting early when there is evidence of someone not being reliable. I wish you better luck with next person hired. Try to get really good references and check them.
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Kimmotion Jun 2021
Hey Alva, how are you? Hope you're doing well. My aunt hired her, and at first things were pretty good. Good help is so hard to find, isn't it? We're just wondering why on earth they just stop showing up? Honestly, who does that?
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Honestly, my first thought was she found a different client that was better for her - more pay, closer to home, less work, something along those lines - and just didn't have the courtesy to let you know. Or maybe she's still trying to judge which job is "better" and is hedging her bets by not formally resigning. Either way, if she's not reliable, then she's really not a good fit for you, because one of the major reasons you look for a home health aide is to make you life less stressful, not more so.

I didn't think theft right off the bat, either; especially since you haven't noticed anything of real value missing.

I hope you can find reliable help soon! Good luck.
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Kimmotion Jun 2021
That's what I think, too. I think she found a better job somewhere else. And she's just really unprofessional, in my opinion. It just doesn't seem like theft to me. I feel like I would have noticed something missing.
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This kind of thing happens often with in-home caregiving. True, she should have told you that she was quitting your mother. It's also unlikely that the reason for her ghosting you is theft.
All hired caregivers (private or agency) know how our line of work operates. We all know that any one of us can be dismissed for no reason at all. That we will be kicked off an assignment without warning if cheaper help is found. We also know that families and agency bosses will look us right in the eye and tell us what a wonderful job we're doing while sticking the knife in our backs at the same time.
The most likely reason the aide ghosted your mother is because she found a better position and wanted to make sure it was solid before actually quitting her previous one.
Employers do the same thing.
On my last job (I had been with this client over 4 years) her son decided that myself and the night aide were going to get two weeks off (without pay of course) over the Christmas holiday.
This sounded great because in almost five years of service with the client, I had all of one week off (without pay) because I was able to arrange respite care for her in a nursing home.
The son claimed he was giving us a respite break and was bringing a respite live-in to take care of his mother so we could have a couple weeks off. Then we were to return after the new year.
This wasn't true. The two week break was to give the "temporary" respite live-in a chance and to make sure she worked out. So, he didn't fire us outright and tell us we were being replaced. He kept us thinking we were returning after the new year just in case this new one he hired didn't work out.
Then after almost five years of exceptional service to his invalid mother and father, I got a text saying 'my services are no longer needed'.
Your mom ghosted because your caregiver knows how it works and was making sure she didn't lose. Personally, I would have told you I was going, must most won't.
Most employers won't tell their regulars when they're being dismissed either.
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Kimmotion Jun 2021
I'm sorry to hear that they let you go like that. Just awful, he really should have been honest and forthcoming about it.

It would have been nice to have some warning, hell even just a phone call from her to say "I'm not coming anymore". SOMETHING. But what can you do? Can't control people. My aunt thinks she can sue the aide for theft, but I don't think a lawsuit will do any good and be a waste of money that we already don't have. But that's her- frivolous lawsuits. Smh.

Personally, I'm with you on this one. You know I'm thinking about it all now and wondering: my aunt said she owes her money... did she pay her properly at all? I wonder if that was the reason.
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I would send a letter, certified, to her home stating that since she has not shown up for work or bothered to contact with the reason she seems to have quit, you are now severing ties with her. If you owe her money, I would include the check with "paid in full" on the memo line. If she cashes it, she can't come after you claiming you owe her more.

I would also contact and place a review and a complaint.
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Kimmotion Jun 2021
It's not up to me, it's up to my aunt. She's handling it and has decided to try to push a theft lawsuit- facepalm. Frivolous, if you ask me. I honestly think the aide found another job.
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This is the day and age we live in. No consequences and no cares in the world mean we can ghost people online and in real life, why not? Who cares. We don't want a job anymore, so we just stop showing up. No formal notice is given, no phone call, no letter, nothing. We want to end a relationship? Same thing. Just stop calling or texting. It's 2021. It's what people who don't care DO.

I had a housecleaner do the exact same thing to me a couple of years ago. She just stopped showing up one day. She had my house key, too. That's when I learned, through scar tissue, to NOT give out my house key to anyone ever again. I called and left her messages on her phone, and no call back, nothing. Then one day, out of the blue, about 8 months later, she called me. She was sorry, she said, she was going through a 'rough patch' and just bowed out of life. I told her to please come by and return my house key, that all was forgiven. I had had my lock changed by then, of course. Sigh.

The answer to your question is: who knows why the CG is ghosting your aunt? To assume she's stolen from your aunt and to then formally accuse the woman of such a thing without proof is ludicrous, in my opinion. Unless she's actually FOUND something missing in her home, why on earth is she pursuing such a claim? Hurt feelings or anger over being ghosted is not a valid reason!

Wishing you good luck in finding another CG.
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Kimmotion Jun 2021
That's what I said, that aunt is crazy to think this woman stole from us. We don't even have anything worth stealing! If we did, my aunt would have cashed in on it by now. LOL. She's truly become a crazy person. But I digress.

Whether it's trendy or not to ghost someone, it's completely unprofessional of her to just leave without notice. This isn't a romantic relationship, this is someone we hired for care. What if grandma depended on this person for her blood pressure medications? She'd be dead. It's supposed to be a business of caring. Maybe it's just me.
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Maybe the Caregiver Aide was not being paid?
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Kimmotion Jun 2021
It's possible. But how can we pay her if she never even shows up?! LOL And we don't do paid leave, so if she doesn't show, we don't pay. So... it's basically an impasse.
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UPDATE:

After *over* a month of no communication, the aide finally called me back: "Ohhh, I've been trying to get in contact with your aunt. Something happened with my daughter. I haven't been working much. Your aunt owes me money."

First of all, she's full of it. She could have called me if she couldn't get through to my aunt and contact would have been made, so that's bs. And second, we caught her- we used a friend's phone to text her asking about her availability as an aide for the times we would have had her scheduled and sure enough she was available to work! Liar, liar, pants on fire.

So I was right- she didn't steal from us. She found something else, and is now calling to collect what we owe her. Sorry lady, you gotta go a long way to pull the wool over our eyes. I may be young, but I'm not stupid.
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Sarah3 Jun 2021
How do you know your aunt paid her everything she was supposed to? Perhaps she took advantage of the aide and did not pay her ( the same one who doesn’t sound like a very good or nice person herself)
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Probably not theft....you just got ghosted. Happening a lot now in employment and personal relationships.
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Kimmotion, just to be on the safe side, if your aunt still writes checks, go through the books of checks and make sure no individual checks are missing. My grandmother had a caregiver who was smart enough not to steal a whole book of checks. Instead she went through all the spare books and randomly took a couple of checks out of each book. She got caught because she got greedy and cashed too many in one month and my grandmother's bank called and said she was overdrawn. The bank made good on all the forged checks, and we prosecuted the caregiver.
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I don’t see in your post any mention of who the ‘elderly person’ is??

There’s a lot of assumptions and false stereotypes made about the aide, socioeconomic class and so on

Why would your aunt assume she stole something when as you explained there was no basis for this—-she doesn’t sound like a very nice person

You also say the aide is from a ‘rich area’ - what does this have to do w anything? You made a comment implying it’s strange that a well off person would be a caregiver. Are you saying only poor or disadvantaged people find caregiving meaningful? By the way just bc someone lives in a certain area it doesn’t automatically mean they themselves have the same amount of wealth or lack of wealth. A wealthy person could live with someone else in a middle class area and vice versa- a person without much money could live with someone else in a nicer area. Or many variations in between

Your aunt doesn’t sound like a very nice person to assume the reason she left is bc she stole something. I’m inclined to think your aunt made some negative or presumptuous comments to her along the way and she grew increasingly uncomfortable and finally stopped coming altogether

Edit to add— after I posted this I read below the update and can say with confidence your aunt sounds like a piece of work - I believe she is a dishonest person herself who it sounds like wasn’t paying the caregiver and projected that onto the caregiver claiming she must have stolen something - as pretty much every single person here has said it’s wrong of your aunt to make a baseless assumption such as this. I feel like your aunt was mean to her and was pushing her around not paying her etc and the aide got increasingly uncomfortable ( you said she started coming less and then stopped coming altogether) bc of how she was being treated.

Have you asked to have your aunt verify to you that the home health aide was paid in full? If not- why? The aide told you she wasn’t paid- and asked you to assist her in being paid, your responsible to ensure the caregiver has been paid
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Sounds to me like you don’t have the whole story. Since your aunt seems to have a problem with her she probably had some kind of disagreement with her and the woman just left in frustration. Or was told not to come back. She probably even told the aunt that she wasn’t coming back. The thing about this theft is totally made up. I can’t blame the woman for leaving frankly, sounds like an untenable situation when there are so many other opportunities out there. If you’re able to figure out what you owe her just pay her and be done with it.
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It could be anything. Have you noticed anything in particular missing? If so, do file a police report. I have found care dot come to be pretty worthless for our purposes, but regardless, any stranger coming into your home is a risk and all valuables, credit cards, check books, papers with signatures should be locked up or taken elsewhere. I'd consider myself lucky to see the evidence of an unreliable person now and be able to find someone better before things got worse. You can do better....and will. Consider the time and effort an investment.....
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Have you contacted? They should be notified so they can remove her from their list.
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If this was less than a month, say, or six weeks ago, if I were you I would send her a text saying "please get in touch, we just want to know you're okay because we don't know why you stopped coming to work." The worst that can happen is nothing.

My guess would be that she was finding it too difficult to meet her working hours, made a mess of it, and then was too embarrassed to explain and found it less awkward just to run away and hide. Not a very mature way to go about things but I've known people do stupider.

Can people please not make assumptions about the thieving propensities of workers in proportion to their pay grade? I can't help but find it insulting both on my own behalf and that of my co-workers. I am in a minimum wage social care job. Nobody who cares about the job is in it for the money.
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Doggomom Jun 2021
Thank you for that last part. I say very uneasy with me that the assumption was that the only possible reason she did this was that she stole something, even though nothing is missing. It must be so difficult to work for people who assume you’re only there to steal from them. (Maybe you portrayed this to her in some way and that’s why she quit and won’t talk to you?)
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If there has not been any obvious theft, could the paid care giver have copied Crecit Card or Financial Account or SSN numbers or other personal information that might be of use in more sophisticated theft?
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First thing to do is report the actions, not returning calls, not showing up.
Actually first thing is to check all credit cards, make sure not unauthorized purchases were made. Freeze accounts. Check credit reports from each of the reporting companies.
And you should also report her earnings to IRS. Send her a statement so she can report her earnings when she files her taxes.
Yes I have had a caregiver that stole from me. She stole things, not credit cards or information but she took money, jewelry, food, toilet paper.....
I did file a report, she did have to appear in court.

Seeing other comments...
If the caregiver is owed money she must be paid.
How would you like to go to work and not get paid for all the hours you put in.
If this caregiver were to post and comment on what happened what would their story read like.? Would we be telling her to contact the state labor board? A lawyer? Would I or anyone else suggest that she contact and report that she has not been paid in full and that the contact person is difficult to get a hold of?
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If I were you, I would go straight to the horses mouth so to speak.

Call the Aide and Ask!
Do not assume anything.

BUT for future, Don't have money or valubles laying out, you don't need to temp and if something goes missing, it could have been misplaced, ect. Best to not have it out.

No, I don't believe the Aide would work if she didn't need the money, especially if she has an ill child at home.
You deffiently should call and let her know you were worried and wxnr to know if she's OK and what happened.

I used them to hire Caregivers for my Dad, and like everything else, their are good and bad ones.

Call the Aide or you'll always be wondering and it's always best to get the story from the source and not hearsay from anyone else.

Praters
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my mom had a home health aid in odessa tx that stole money out of her purse,stole a new set of towels my sister had given my mom and numerous other stuff.My sister ended up going over to the health aid apartment and demanding back the towels and were given them back.Aid should have been turned in to Police.
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“We are paying her (the caregiver) out of pocket”

Caregivers are considered household employees by the IRS. So you or your Aunt or whomever is / was paying CG is responsible for doing w9, w9, FICA and any state taxes on the wages paid. Perhaps an i9 as well. You / your Aunt are responsible, not CG,

Was this done?

If that wasn’t happening, she can file a complaint with state labor board and with IRS and state tax authorities. By not doing this your Aunt can be fined by tax authorities. IRS takes this stuff pretty seriously.

If she feels that she was NOT paid for all hours worked, she can add that to her complaint. Labor boards take this stuff pretty seriously.

If you found her and did a work around on using them, like paying her “out of pocket”, as you posted, they too can come after you / your Aunt for their % of fees associated with her wages.

If caregiver worked for Aunt for a good period of time, the nonpayment on FICA has an effect on CG retirement. If she gets a pit bullie attorney, she can go after Aunt for opportunity lost type of action.

and your Aunt thinks she can sue the caregiver for theft?

Pay the CG what she is owed.
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It happened to me also with my Mom’s caregiver. She was great at first, then, crickets! Never heard from her again. Advice? Let it go and move on. Things happen we can’t control.
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Kim, I know that the aide finally contacted you and asked for her back pay.

You should tell her that your aunt in going to pursue charges for theft. Because you don't want to be blackballed by a caregiver for suing. You will never find anyone else willing to work for your grandmother. You should also tell your aunt that you are giving her a heads up and that she will never be able to hire another aide.

What the absentee aide did was really awful and she should be reported but, false accusations ruin lives and that takes the cake for s**t behaviours.

I hope you find a place to live very soon and can put this whole situation in your rearview mirror.
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Sometimes, an aide starts working with a client/patient and realizes it’s not going to work. I’ve hired aides who worked for me only a few weeks before realizing they wanted an easier job, since there was a lot of physical energy needed to care for my mom. The usual line I’d get was: I’m returning to a previous client that I’ve known for a long time. This excuse is supposed to make it seem like “it’s not your fault”. 😆 I’m fine with it, as I don’t want someone working with me that really doesn’t want to be there. The ideal situation is for the caregiver to love their work and helping their patient. If they really don’t care about it, you’ll see them being late, leaving early, doing minimum or just the basics, and being absent a lot. Some don’t want to hurt your feelings, hence the excuses.
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BurntCaregiver Jun 2021
LoveLea,

I've been in homecare for many years for both agencies and private cases. For years now I'll only take private cases.
I find that honesty is always the best policy. I've taken clients off my service that I've personally liked very much and worked well with.
I've quit a few because I couldn't physically meet their needs anymore and let them and their families know it.
I've left others because I found better paying positions.
The truth is the best way to go, but homecare aides often ghost their clients for valid reasons because they don't want to seem harsh or uncaring.
Reasons like the clients become too needy. Or families become too demanding and try to take advantage. I will tell a client and they are not allowed to call me for any reason unless it is for a cancellation. I don't even pick up the call. I let it go to voicemail and have had client family members try to guilt me over it many times. They'd say that the client was lonely and just wanted someone to talk to. Or could I just run over there for a few minutes for some small thing, etc...
My answer is always a firm 'NO'. It's the job of the client's family or friends to make sure they're not lonely after hours. It's someone else's job to 'just run over there for a few minutes' when my work day ends. I can't tell you how many client families over the years have been downright shocked by my response in these situations. I'm always honest and truthful to every client and their family about what my duty is and what it isn't. Most homecare workers can't be honest like this because they feel guilty about making boundaries and demanding that clients and families respect them. They can't make them understand that we have a work relationship with clients and families. We're not friends or like family. Working well with clients and families who trust you is not the same thing. So usually a homecare worker will ghost the clients. Or they come up with every kind of excuse for why they're missing shifts.
I learned my lesson the hard way because for a long time I tolerated clients calling me at all hours of the night out of boredom or dementia-related reasons. I'd go running after hours if a client family member asked me to go check on someone or whatever. Yet I've never met a client or family of one who insisted or even offered to pay me more. Once I'm off the clock my responsibility and duty to the client ends.
Clients and families need better understanding of what is the homecare worker's job and what isn't. If there was more understanding and less advantage taking on the part of clients and families, there would be far less ghosting going on.
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The first aide (she was in late 40's to early 50's) that I had for my wife was the hardest working of them all. She was from an agency as my wife's insurance will not pay for private. She would do anything asked and if my wife had a sleepy day she would take on a "special project" on her own. Clean and organize closets, closets, drawers, Remove and was curtains. She was a fantastic worker.

She regularly brought my wife small gifts to lift her spirits and often brought me plants from a nursery she also worked at.

One day she didn't show up. No call to me or the agency. Calls to her by the agency and myself went unanswered.

Finally ran across her later and she had a new boyfriend. Seems she wanted more time with him then with my wife.

She still checks in on my wife, but it's not the same.
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Theft would be the last thing on my mind, given the way she "exited" - aka arriving late, leaving early, missing days and then finally not showing at all. If she had taken something of value, she most likely would have left.

Contact now, demanding missing pay: is there any way to go over hours she DID work and the payments aunt supposedly made? There needs to be a way to either prove she was paid for the times she did show up and stick around OR determine what she wasn't paid for and pay it.

Auntie needs a reality check. Trying to prove theft with NO proof isn't going to go well. My biggest concern with that is what money would be used to pay the legal expenses. If it's grandma's money, it should be squashed. If auntie is using her own money for this ill-advised attempt to litigate nothing, so be it. I would point out that nothing was taken, and ask her how she thinks she can prove her case. But, if it's her money and her wish to move forward, so be it.

IF you think auntie may be having some cognitive issues, perhaps it is time someone else goes for guardianship and takes this out of auntie's hands.

I also think this care-giver needs to provide some proof on non-payment. Just stating someone owes her isn't enough. Hopefully SOMEONE has been keeping track of the hours she worked and what she was paid. If auntie isn't doing that, then again SOMEONE needs to step into this! If grandma ever needs Medicaid and there's no money trail, she'd be out of luck!!!

There are more important issues in all this (as someone else noted, she was "private" hire, so all those nice deductions, such as FICA, taxes, etc should have been done - if not, uh oh! Bigger issue than having this woman quit!)
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You are not giving much information about your aunt. If your aunt only has vague ideas that something was stolen, that's not enough. People with dementia often accuse people of taking things, they may be forgetting what they have and where they put things. You don't mention if your aunt has dementia. Any aide who as undependable as the one your describe should never be taken back as an employee. Don't give her any reference other than the dates she worked for your aunt. It's not a good idea to accuse someone of stealing unless you have good reason to know it's true. If strangers (aides who you don't know) are going into your aunt's home, it's best to lock up her valuables and all financial papers. If you are POA, you might want to have the discussion with her about taking over her finances and having all of her bills and statements sent to your address.
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We had a caregiver like that. Only her decision to abandon us was after I left to go away for a weekend. I was frantically calling every care giver we ever had to find coverage so I did not have to turn around and head home. The agency could not find a replacement. I did find coverage. Then about a week later as the minister was arriving to visit my parents this girls parents, sister and niece showed up at the door looking for the caregiver. After the minister and moms care giver talked to them we found out this girl every so often just disappears. I thought at first she might of stole from my parents also, but like you I could not find anything of value missing.
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I wouldn't worry about it. Just move on. Can you give a bad review? Or let them know she stopped showing up?

Id keep looking. Make sure nothing of value is at the house. Make a list of items that could be potentially taken. That way you know if anything is missing. Sounds like the lady works just enuff for some money then moves on. Good luck.
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