My husband needs help with everything. Well it’s been a while now he has been very verbally abusive. Threatens to kill me and just angry and mean. Dr. put him on a sedative and today was his first time taking it. He wanted to sleep and wasn’t understanding anything I was trying to do for him. It’s better than all the screaming and such but, I kind of hope he gets used to them so he’s just mellower and still awake. I’m hopeful of a good night sleep tonight. But doing this at home is hard work and I am taking advice from my team of doctors at the VA.
I feel for you. You are accepting abuse that no one should be subjected to and doing so on a daily basis.
Now you have a verbally abusive husband who will be harder manage because he's sedated and less able - although perhaps a tad more willing - to respond to commands during cares.
I would seek VA SNF placement for him ASAP and begin to live your life and care for yourself. You can love him while not being subjected to abuse or responsible for his 24/7 cares.
I have to wonder what love can be left after so much abuse and wear and tear, but I'm not a saint. Please take care of yourself.
You have to now do not only what is best for him but also what is best for you, and I think you already know that placing him is best for you both.
I wish you the very best.
You might want to ask for a sleep aid yourself. It sounds so hard, what you're going through. Hang in there.
It would be well worth getting your hubby to his primary doctor for a UTI test, which is very simple. Such an infection can be fixed with antibiotics. If the test comes back negative, then you will need to decide what is your best move.
I just want to say:
You are not alone. I think unfortunately it’s VERY common: an elderly LO becomes mean, threatening, etc.
(whatever the cause may be)
(illness, or whatever)
A friend of mine is going through that with his father right now. Mean, threatening. The doctor evaluated; medicine given. Less screaming.
I wish you well, and my friend.
Whatever nasty things they’re saying, it’s not your fault.