Has anyone here gone the route of turning responsibility for a parent over to the state? My mom and I were never close, but when her husband went to a nursing home and she was evicted by his sons, I stepped in to help her, because it was the right thing to do. I got a durable POA and a healthcare POA, moved her into an independent living apartment, and because she could no longer drive, I drove there every single week, for over three years, to take her supplies and groceries and to clean her apartment--which was difficult for me because she's a hoarder, and within one week she could trash the place. It also took me back to that horrible experience growing up in filth. Anyway, eventually she had to be placed in a county subsidized AA place where she is now. Mostly, my life got easier after that, but she's 87 and has had a few health problems that have required me to drop everything to take her to the doctor. I don't have a job where I can leave work and the work will still be waiting when I return. I walk dogs and they need to be walked while the clients are at work. To miss work could mean accidents in the house and damage to carpets and floors that I would have to pay for--and could cost me my clients and business. If I don't take her when she needs to go, that's neglect. So, as much as I hate to consider it, I have thought of relinquishing my POAs and letting her become a ward of the state. However, I wonder if anyone knows how things get transferred if I do--will she maintain her Kaiser healthcare? Will she still be taken to her necessary appointments? She has to have an injection in her left eye every 8 weeks. Do I need to turn over important documents like her birth certificate and SS card? Will her level of care suffer? It's not an easy decision, or one I want to make, but I also can't afford to sacrifice my sanity and my livelihood. Any advice?
I must have done a typo. I meant AL (assisted living), not AA. Anyway, so she lives in this AL group home situation with a live-in caregiver, and there are three or four other residents at any given time. They handle giving her her meds and meals, and assisting with bathing and toileting. My responsibilities right now are to manage her checking account (mostly automatic as her SS check is auto-deposited and her rent payment is auto-withdrawn), taking her to doctor visits where the MPOA signature is required for treatment, taking her for any urgent care/last minute doctor's visits, buying supplies that the home doesn't offer--like skin lotion, deodorant, etc., paying for and ordering Rx's and also paying doctor appt. co-pays. Anything over her $60 month allowance comes right out of my pocket. I haven't applied for her to get Medicaid yet as she turned over her house to my brother just under 5 years ago. Fortunately, if she stays stable until May she'll be past the look-back period. My brother is not able to help because he's been unemployed for years.
While my mom has dementia she is not so far gone that she needs nursing care, and physically she is in pretty good condition overall. I guess my questions are really about what will happen to her medical care? She has great insurance with Kaiser, but if I'm out of the picture the co-pays and Rx costs would still be outstanding. I guess then she would need Medicaid. I hate to see her lose her doctors at Kaiser. Not sure if they take Medicaid or not. Also, do I need to turn over those vital documents? Will I lose all say in her care? Will I be notified if she's hospitalized, and if she dies? It feels strange to consider doing this, but she was never a mother to me, more like just a crazy family member. I feel like after almost 5 years of having to take care of her life as well as my own, that I deserve to have my life back. I just really worry that her increasing health issues in possibly the near future could really begin to impact my own life even more than her care already has. Anyway, thanks for any and all advice.
She can get transportation for pre-arranged appointments, but they need more than a week’s notice and for some appointments I have to be there to authorize treatment as I am her POA. She has dementia.