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Wondering about moving my mom from the nursing home where she gets good care to home with hospice so that she doesn't face end of life alone..as family is not allowed to visit (except for a few minutes every other week). Her life is clearly coming to an end and leaving her without family is breaking our hearts. She has dementia and isn't aware of her situation, but knows us, and we feel like we are abandoning her.

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My father was in rehab after a hospitalization this summer and chose to leave rehab (it wasn’t working) and come home on hospice. You need to know that hospice for us provided every possible supply we needed, excellent nursing care on an as needed basis, and a bath aide twice a week. What they don’t provide is around the clock care. The actual hands on care is on family to provide. For the first few weeks we were able to do this between family and some volunteers from dad’s church. When his needs got more intense he had to hire CNA help to accomplish keeping him home until he died. It was very difficult for the last two weeks, especially the last week. I’m very glad to have done it, feel privileged to have helped him, but it was so very hard. I wish you peace and wisdom in deciding this
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If you can have enough help to make this doable, go for it. Without adequate help, it could be very challenging. Not to be rude, but how dire is his condition? It is virtually impossible to know how long someone has left, even when the end seems very near. The body is an amazing thing and can be very surprising.

Can you lobby for extra visitiation? Are they on hospice care at NH? If not, switch their care to that level and then maybe you will be able to visit more? I thought some places allowed visits to hospice patients.
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My brother was in a wonderful end of life hospice facility. We were very pleased.

I don’t know if the move would benefit her. Is she receiving good care? Is she settled there? Does she seem satisfied there?
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If you could spend time with her at hospice, move her. The visit limitations when things are not going well, and even declining, are simply heartbreaking. Obits used to commonly talk about a person departing this world surrounded by loved ones. Now the realistic environment means our loved ones will depart alone or with a stranger looking on. It crushes my heart.
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I would like to do this for my LO who is also on Hospice, but there is so much to consider when you have no help. Plus, I have no idea how long she may have.
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Call the Hospice Psychologist...He or she will help you
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I would take your mother home with hospice only if you have help, and you will need help. Will a family member help you,? I did most the caregiving for my dad and SIL and it can be stressful especially in the last days of a loved ones life. My brother was in a very nice hospice unit at the VA, we were allowed to stay with him, they provided meals and a room for all of us. It was a good experience knowing he received great care from a professional team. We sat with him and he was never alone. He passed with his family present .Thoughts and prayers to your mom and family.
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My dad and I are currently caring for my 84 year old mother at home. She is receiving hospice services which entails a nurse coming to check vitals twice week and an aide who comes twice a week for about an hour to help with bathing or other things. Most of the care is left to my dad, and I come over as much as possible while still trying to hold down a job. My mom has dementia and we really don't want to put her in a nursing home because of not being able to be with her because of COVID. So I understand your concerns. Its super hard and I'm glad we have two of us. My dad is sometimes up all night with my mom because she won't sleep, so on those days I take a vacation day from work and come and sit with her so dad can sleep. We've only been doing this for about three weeks, so I often wonder if we will be able to survive this way for months or if we will eventually have to out her in a nursing home. I wish you the best with a tough decision!
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If your mother is getting good care, think twice about taking her out of her facility. All moves and changes of routine can be difficult for elderly people. Can you handle it if she lingers on for a long time? Is her facility able to handle hospice-type care? My mother's doctor agreed to switch my mother to hospice care and her memory care facility told me they could handle it without moving her to skilled nursing. Does your mother understand the situation that you are not able to visit her more than once every 2 weeks? She may be coping with this better than you think. Ask your facility if you can have extended visiting privileges if her condition worsens. They now allow this in hospitals. It's worth a try.
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We moved my father out of MC 10 weeks after total lockdown b/c he started to give up like 7 other people in his facility did. He too is on hospice, but not actively dying yet. Dad is wheelchair bound and needs 24/7 help, which thankfully he can still afford. For us it was the right choice, but if you need the extra help it’ll be incredibly difficult to do it without that help. We saw more people dying from social isolation at Dad’s facility. No one died from Covid. Hugs and love to you with this most difficult decision. We do the best we can!
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After 3 hospitalizations in the spring, my dad 87 was completely independent in march and now is bed bound from a spinal infection and he has cancer, it was recommended that we do hospice in July- he was in terrible shape, drs told me it was going to be a short time- the time was grueling. We were able to visit as much as we wanted - it's only me and my mom - she's 85. Now three months later he is doing ok and we moved him to a rehab/nursing home but we can only visit for 30 minutes every week - it's excruciating. he is now pretty with it mentally but physically not at all. The plan is to bring him home soon I think - she's scared and so am I, he could last for a while as now he seems pretty strong. I can get help but even with help I don't know how we will handle him at home. Leaving him at the facility for however much time he has is almost unbearable at this point. I feel too that the drs didn't do their due diligence and I am always the one making suggestions. At hospice he got great care as we were there daily and could see it but now I don't know and am afraid of bed sores and that he is not being taken care of since I can't seem in the facility. He is not a complainer so I won't hear it from him- what a horrible end to a difficult life he has had, the whole thing is weighing so heavily on me and I know that I am doing the best I can. Of course she is 85 and I that is also in my future since I am an only child. The drs are so confusing and have not been very proactive which is really disturbing I feel as every decision was my own and should have been suggested by a medical professional a week or two earlier- I pushed to move him from hospice when he started to get better all the dr said was its remarkable his recovery - yes it is but the dr didn't suggest any other solutions to give him better quality of life for what life he has left, of course the biggest problem now is he is bed bound and all the issues that come with that. Now that he is very clear headed it's excruciating watching the mental agony of his situation. This forum has been great for getting things off my chest and seeing that other people are struggling with may of the same issues.
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Yes, please do asap are you will regret it.

Wouldn't you want to be home to die amoung family?

Your lived one will be halpier, safer and feel loved being home around their loved ones, not in some cold and uncaring place to die alone.

No one should have to die alone!

You will always know you did what was best in the end and have no regrets.

Bring Loved One Home, the sooner the better.
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Don't know how close she is to end of life BUT I was in the same situation when covid first started. Mom in NH close to end of life (on hospice care) and they were going to prevent any family from seeing her. I made last minute decision to bring home on hospice care on a Sat. morning. Contacted hospice nurse (not knowing if the move could be handled on a Sat) and by 4pm Sat. they had brought all essentials (bed, oxygen, supplies, suction machine, etc.) to my home even handling ambulance deliver her AT NO COST to me.
BEST THING I COULD HAVE DONE! She had been comatose (not eating or communicating) for a week and when ambulance arrived at NH she suddenly became alert. By the time she reached my house she was hungering for food and wanting to talk to anyone that would listen. For the next 3 days she had plenty of family (children, sisters, brothers, grandkids, etc.) who were able to see and talk with her before becoming comatose again. She passed away on Fri. am with me standing by her side swabbing her mouth with cold water.
SO THANKFUL FOR THE LORD HELPING ME WITH MY DECISION TO BRING HER HOME. If she had still been in NH with no family there for that last week it would have been very difficult for me to live with.

AT PEACE
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I actually got my Dad out of the nursing home because I didn't want him dying in that particular nursing home. He came home for awhile but was declining so another nursing home had a bed for him but he had to stay in the hospital for 3 days. It appeared ( & was true) that he really needed to be in Hospice, or in home Hospice. They didn't have a bed for him so they were going to do in home at the hospital. My dad passed b4 that could happen.
I recommend going by your gut instinct as you don't want or need to feel guilty about not being able to see her and when you have a family that they love and care for they want to see you. She may pass without you being there but we still had a lot more time with him than in a nursing home. I can go on feeling I did the right thing for my father.
Go with your gut and do the Hospice care, they are wonderful. Check them out as well, though.
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My dad recently passed after a four-year battle with Alzheimer's. The best decision we made was to move him into our Mom's apartment to receive hospice care. I stayed with them 24/7 to administer painkillers, and the hospice care was incredibly kind and helpful. He died peacefully, in my mother's arms, surrounded by children and grandchildren. My mom is so grateful that we had that opportunity. Good luck to you. I found it to be incredibly difficult, emotionally and physically, but I wouldn't change a thing. It was an honor to take care of him.
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I brought my 101 1/2 yer old mother home after a 3 day stay for uti treatment in a hospital. She had developed delirium. The doctor was going to put her in a snf for rehab. I said no as no family would be allowed to see her due to Covid restrictions. She is a handful to take care of but having her home with me is so much better for both of us. I just could not see leaving her alone in a nursing home with no family. At such an advanced age her health can change in the blink of an eye. She certainly would have felt deserted and I suspect would be dead already had she gone to snf for rehab. There was such a dramatic downhill change in her appearance after only 3 days alone in a hospital room with no family visiting that when I came to pick her up and take her home I actually cried when I first saw her, I can only imagine she would have gone down hill quickly had rehab taken place in the snf. Not to disparage the care she would have received. But absence of family and the familiar at that adavnced age can cause dramatic changes in health. The VNA came a few times a week and then discharged after the rehab time was up. She improved that much. They were going to put her in pallitive or hospice care at the onset. She wishes to die at home. Hopefullly she will peacefully barring the onset of any critical health issue that would require hopitalization.
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My Mom, 95 has been in MC for 3 years and on hospice for 16 months. I have only physically been with her once in June, when the facility nurse felt Mom was going into active dying phase. In WA state if a resident is actively dying, one family member is allowed to be with them. However the facility insisted they had to assist her eating and she is still alive 4 months later. ( Mom's worst fear was to die of Alzheimer's, and has all the proper directives in place, I pray the Lord to end her suffering every night.) A move at this point would be so hard on her and me. I am fortunate that the facility is close to me and the staff is wonderful, they love her and treat her very well. She does not know me any more even on the phone. Hospice would assist me bringing her to my home, but Mom always insisted she did not want to be physically cared for by family and that is the only wish of hers I can honor at this time.
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What are you waiting for?
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I brought my husband home from rehab/nursing home. It was awful. He had bad dementia and didn’t understand why he wasn’t home. He had broken his back a few weeks before but there was nothing they could do. They were getting ready to move him to another facility but I said no and I had him out in three days and hospice set everything up.
I am a nurse so I was able to care for him. I thank God every minute that I did this. It was scary. He could have lived for several years and I don’t know how I could do it. God knew best. He passed away peacefully with me at his side. He was only home for a few weeks but they will be the most wonderful weeks of my life.
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Being able to be with your mom in her home, in her final days, will be the best decision you'll ever make. My mom came home from nursing home, and I was able to spend her final days with her. I'll always cherish those moments together. My mom didn't have dementia and was clear until the end, so I don't know how your situation would be, however, in your heart, you'll feel that you did the right thing for her.
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My mother was in a Nursing Home in their rehab unit. We expected her to transition to the long term care unit. They said to my mother, "Ma'am you're too well to stay here." Wrong answer as less than 48 hours after that statement, my mother suffered an ischemic stroke. She was put on Palliative Care at the hospital.
That is just one nursing home story.
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Bring her home if she is in late stages of life, but ask yourself If you are able to care for her
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Yes! I would highly recommend bringing her home. We got my precious Mom out of her nursing home. Even with the loosened Texas visitation rules, it would have been very difficult to have a worthwhile visit with her because of all the restrictions. Such a blessing that we got her out! She was supposed to be having physical and other therapies in the nursing home, but because of the virus, that had dropped to virtually no therapies and she was left in bed all day. We found out through an anonymous phone call that the nursing home care of my mother was terrible during the lockdown. We constantly worried about her and could hear her decline whenever we were lucky enough to reach her on the phone. She was discharged with multiple health issues.

Taking care of Mom at home was a full-time job, but we were fortunate to be able to hire some help to give respite. Her family could spend time with her, hug her, kiss her, and give her lots of love before she passed away.
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I vote yes! Hopefully, you are already moving ahead with this.
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