I am so angry right now it is unreal. I am the caregiver for my momma who we believe has dementia. I am also her POA and have medical directive. Momma has a living trust that I am trustee over that she does not understand. She has a checkbook where the trust pays her x amount of money each month for grocerys, hair cut and etc. My brother and his wife and my sister lie to her and take advantage of her in getting her to pay for things. This time it was $5,000.00 for braces for my neice. Momma already paid $4,000.00 for the first set of braces but bro and wife never followed through with the remaining treatment of purchasing a retainer and niece's teeth moved back. They had the nerve to expect momma to just roll over and pay again. Momma does and does not tell me. At one time she was able to manage her checkbook but I have noticed it has gotten worse. She just basically writes out checks to whomever for whatever and gives her credit card to any of them. Has no clue of what her balance is and how much she is spending. I try to protect her as best I can and provide for her. When you tell her about these things of people taking advantage of her and not to give her credit card out - she agrees with you and then does it anyway. She is going to the ortho on Monday. I don't know what or how she is going to pay. I am just going to let the do do hit the fan.
Otherwise, you need to pursue guardianship.
Alternatives? Yes, Assisted living (memory care). Or a live in aide (take away everything and make arrangements for ordering food online or provide grocery store 'gift cards'.
Ifyou have POA, move money after each trust deposit to another account inher name that she doesn't even know about. Get in touch with the credit card company and either drop it or lower the available credit line to the lowest possible amount. ($500 or less). That way large purchases would be denied. Take control that is your role at this stage! Take over all finances: pay bills online for her. Open a new checking account and take all of the checks with you. Destroy the checks from the other account -- as well as all ATM cards. Isn't it disgusting that we even have to figure out how to protect our loved ones from other family members???
I world suggest you focus on safety & security and both physical & financial on both of these. Physical well it's probably time for either AL or perhaps a very organized IL for mom. Security well having her in a living situation where she is checked on & eats daily is important & the AL or IL can do that. But she needs financial Secuity and this is going to be sticky.... Just how big of a trust does mom have. Between the trust $ and what her home (I can't tell if she is in her home or in an apt) could sell for is there $ 300 - 500K available?
I agree with the others that if you want to continue to be a DPOA, you just flat need to take the time and go to her city and find places to move to; change how she can access $ (like 2 signatures for over a certain amount); and get her legal either tightened up or start guardianship or a conservatorship.
Now speak with attorney as to how moms state does G/C...often the judge (where GC is done) will flat not name someone out of state or even out of the county as a G/C.
"Mom, you gave me your POA so that, when the time came, I could help and protect you. It's time for me to take over. We'll discuss everything of COURSE. But don't let your mind trick you. It's time for me to step in."
If your mom runs out of money and needs Medicaid? Any money mom has given away in the last five years will have to be repaid. If it isn't, your mom won't be eligible for Medicaid for MONTHS after she's exhausted her funds -- until those gifts are set off. This is serious. Get on it.
Sometimes, being nice is just not nice. Do what is right.
In this mice maze of dealing with our elderly what I've found is that if they live long enough they will run out of money unless they are generationally weathly. So Medicaid comes into the picture. If so, and mom continues to gift $ to your brother and mom eventually runs out of $, there will be a transfer penalty issued by Medicaid for all gifting done for the last 5 years with the penalty starting on the day of the application. Brother isn't likely to return the $, now is he?
At 81, your mom could have another 15 years. Hopefully your mom has over 1M available so never finds herself in the Medicaid predicament. But it's those who are 300-600k comfortable now who find themselves later on down to their last 50k and needing Medicaid. Family is unprepared as they just think there will always be $ out there that mom just has. Really take the time to go to visit her and review what moms costs are, how much is bring siphoned off to your brother, what her LTC requires to pay out, what NH memory units cost for private pay in her area, the sellable value of her home minus mortgage, and then see an elder law attorney (who will have a good FA who understands medicaid) to come up with options as to how to best position her funds for the future.
Another thing that seems to happen for the better off elderly needing a NH, is that they are cash poor but property wealthy. So they are down to their last 50k and could quickly spend down to qualify for Medicaid but their home bought in the 1960's is worth 550k. To their surprise, they are ineligible for Medicaid as the home is over the value allowed by Medicaid in their state.
Planning is the key to doing this & start with gathering moms info and see legal in her city. Good luck & keep a sense of humor going.
Do not be surprised if siblings commit identity theft and open new credit in your Mom's name, at a different address!
SOLUTION: Monitor her credit reports with the 3 major credit reporting agencies.