So, I have posted before about my friend Richard, and his youngest son that does not like me. For the past two weeks, Richard has been declining rapidly. We saw his Geriatric Doctor at the beginning of August, got him into physical therapy but he has not been able to do much. Last night he called me at 2 am and said he was lost, did not know where he was, and could not move. He also pushed his fall button. I drove over as quickly as I could, paramedics had come but he refused to let them do anything, so they left. When I got here he was slumped sideways in his chair and still confused. He wanted to get into bed, but could not stand up at all. I told him he needed to go to the hospital. He resisted, "They never do anything and it costs me a hundred dollars" I told him I wold pay the ambulance, that he really needed to go. Called them, they took him, today he has been admitted. Initially all they found was mild pneumonia and his blood sugar was off. I called his niece, brother and sister and let them know, asked the brother to contact the youngest son. Hospital then started having issues, confusion came back, he refused medication. They needed to do an MRI but did not know who to call for permission. I do not have POA. So I told them Tyler was his son, Jim was his brother, told them they should contact one of them. Tyler is now talking to the doctor, sending out updates to family members - but not me. I am getting info from the niece. I spoke to his nurse, and to him directly, but was not told of other decisions and issues. I am worried that even if he gets better, Tyler will stick him in the cheapest SNF he can find and bar me from even visiting, then go after ME because I was helping take care of his bills and grocery shopping, with Richard's full consent, but I did not have any legal documentation to do so.
As to who the family has to give information to, that is up to them.
IF you have been the one Richard calls, the one sending him to hospital, the one paying his bills, the family, who may not even know who you are, may be naturally suspicious, and feel that you are predatory. I would contact the son in charge, tell him who you are, and the ways in which you have assisted Richard, and beg that, as his friend, he allow you to be informed of important changes.
You will of course really have nothing to say about future placement for Richard, nor should that be a subject for you to bring up with family. You are a friend. They are the family.
Do tell the family what you have been doing in assisting Richard with his bill payment, and anything else of value you can think of. Go through the person who is informing you.
Any overstepping of your rights here is going to get you completely and I do mean COMPLETELY frozen out. Your best move is to tell all who you are, how you have been helping, express your love, your caring, and tell them if there is ANYTHING you can do moving forward please let you know, and beg to be informed of any important things going forward.
Again, if you overstep your bounds with this family you will be one and done. Be careful if you care about having any contact going forward. Wishing you luck.