I am in dire need of answers... my friend is in very bad shape. So many things wrong that its hard to go into detail. She needs a pacemaker but she currently has sepsis so they can't risk operating on her. She also has fluid around her heart and in her lungs due to shooting up pills.
She flatlined on Nov 17th and they managed to revive her. They didn't expect her to survive for very long but she did. Then a catscan on Nov 26th revealed that she was brain dead. Her mom then decided to take her off life support on Nov 29th since she was never going to get better.
They took her off everything on Nov 29th at 7 PM and she was breathing by herself... She wasn't brain dead. She even opened her eyes and was looking around and tried to talk. She looked at everyone and cried. After all of this they didn't think she'd last long off life support...
She did. But despite overcoming all of this they decided to move her that same day just two hours later at 9 PM to a Hospice center. I was furious at this decision as she had just got off life support. But I figured they'd still try and help her get better...
I was wrong. It is now Dec 1st 1:06 AM and she hasn't had anything to drink or eat! I didn't think they wouldn't be giving her the feeding tubes here. They literally gave up on her despite how far she has made it! She is so sedated on morphine that she's being kept knocked out so she can't eat/drink by herself. Her mother and father both want her to be fed since she is fighting and she was begging to have a second chance at life before she originally flatlined.
What am I able to do? This is absolutely ridiculous and I need options!
Withholding food and water at end of life is not done to be cruel or to hasten death, it is done because the body approaching death can not handle the food and water. The doctors and hospice obviously felt that there was no hope that your friend could recover and are acting accordingly to try and ease your friend's final days. Are they wrong? Well, we hear of people who have come to the brink, even crossed over, but have pulled back. If you get the second opinion, no matter what the outcome, you will be able to have some peace of mind.
I have gone through hospice with both my mother and my husband. Each time enrolling involved an interview of about an hour. All aspects were explained to me. I'm a little surprised that her parents are now so clueless about what they signed her up for.
Hospice is for persons that medical science has "given up" on -- that is, they can't think of more to do to get this person well. They feel the person is dying. Hospice cares for the dying to ensure some dignity and comfort and away from the hectic atmosphere of a hospital. Sometimes the medical opinion is wrong. My mother appeared to be dying, but in three months she was doing so well she left the hospice program. That was more than a year ago. My husband, on the other hand, died sooner than hospice expected him too. No one can give an absolutely accurate prediction of when death will occur.
Could it be that the hospital just didn't want to deal with her? In the sense that hospitals are about healing and they didn't think there was any chance of healing her they probably wanted her where something could be done for her, namely keeping her pain-free and comfortable. I doubt that Medicaid's coverage had anything to do with the decision. (Remember, you were hearing this from people who didn't know what they signed their daughter up for and don't know how old she is. Not exactly a reliable source.)
Of course you don't want her to die. You don't want her to live as a "vegtable." You urgently want her to have that second chance. I do too, and I don't even know her. I am glad to know a second opinion has been asked for. That is about as much as can be done at this point. After the opinion is received there may be some additional decisions to be made. I hope you can be influential with her parents at that time.
Please let us know how this progresses.
If she is still capable of some emotion, hold her hand when she awakes, speak to her and be there for her and each other. Prepare yourself to let go.
May God bless you and strengthen you all through this difficult time.
Sepsis is quite serious and will cause organs to fail one at a time. This is exactly what I went through a year ago. And when they removed him from life support they did not think he would survive either. But, he lasted a week and a half. Had he survived, he would have been in a vegetative state the rest of his life. HE would not have wanted to live like that.
So, just be there for your friend's family, offer them support in any way you can.
Whether the daughter can recover is an issue that seems to be dependent on the parents understanding and making the appropriate decisions, and it seems they really don't and aren't. As a friend I don't know what you can do except to ask for some kind of outside intervention, and I'm not even sure what that would be.
If she were older, Adult Protective Services (APS) might intervene; I don't know if they become involve in these kinds of situations though. If the daughter were younger and a juvenile, Probate Court court intervene on a neglect petition.
In order to get intervention, someone would have to request it, or notify authorities. And it doesn't seem as if the parents would do this. The only thing I can think of is to get advice from the local police to see if there is anything that can be done to override the decisions of the parents, such as the process for getting a conservator or guardian for the daughter. However, the fact that they addicts might mitigate against the advisability of that, and apparently there's no money (other than for drugs) to pay for a guardian or conservator.
You could consider reporting the parents for drug use, which might take them out of the picture and then a guardian could be appointed, but these things can take time and it seems the daughter is in a critical stage with parents not really understanding what's going on.
Just thought of something else - a substance abuse counselor might know of ways to intervene. Perhaps the police or even a social worker at a local hospital could help you find one.
As to a second chance, it seems she's in CHF and may have a pleural effusion in addition to the other conditions, and she's probably immune compromised because of the drugs. If she does survive, what can be done to ensure that she goes into rehab and gets away from the parents? Otherwise, this situation could repeat itself again and again.
The doctors know far better then we do when one's life is now limited. Yes she opened her eyes and tried to talk, but was it a normal brain activity or just a body reaction? People in comas will make body moments and open eyes but that is muscle activity not produced by brain activity.
This is sad as your friend is way too young to be going through this.
And you are at her side. Hold her hand and let her know that you miss her terribly and will always remember and fight to prevent drugs from snatching another young person away from the life that should have been theirs. It's a sad situation that she and her parents were into drugs. Hospice makes the situation as good as it could be.
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