Caring for Mom, seeing the things she does and says and the way she behaves has given me a terrible dread for my own old age. When something like this is in your face day after day, does anyone else feel concerned and dread of the future for yourself? Mom has always been difficult, but now she is a total stranger, a person none of us want to be around. As I watched her become like this over the years, and especially now that she has full blown dementia, I'm starting to analyze myself, worry about every time I forget something and wonder "Is it starting for me? Will I be like her? Will I lose control, will my family not want to be around me?" I never thought much about old age until now. I always knew I would eventually lose my hearing, that I can deal with and get help. But the dementia, when it is right in front of you constantly it becomes a dreadful reminder of the future to come.
I tried to get long term insurance but my health issues made it too expensive.
We looked at one of the continuing care residences but in our area they are few and far between and VERY expensive.
which sounds like a good idea on some days). Check with the Dept of Aging in your are...they have plenty of ideas to use. Your area might also have a "adult day care" that would give you break to give you a break to get the "necessary" things in order. I agree with the others, de- clutter..give things to your kids/friends now so they can enjoy them with you. Another helpful idea is to look at pics...get names of who you done know & talk about past times. You'll find yourself laughing. None of us know what tomorrow will bring,much less the future. Use the present as much as you can,
There are other conditions that mimic dementia. If it's been too long since you've been checked out by your doctor, try that. Decrease worry, re-focus your thoughts.
I forget names more now and sometimes even when I'm posting on this site I forget how to spell a simple word. I think oh my God, is it starting already. But thats life. Don't mean to sound glib but........thats life.
Invite joy back into Your Life. You will be fine AmyGrace.
My Mom [97] is now in rehab/long term care. All this is costly. Thank goodness they saved for such a rainy day but I worry about the next major storm.
And I worry that I won't have enough money to tie myself when my time comes. Of course I don't expect to live into my 90's or even into my 80's... the stress of caregiving has really shorten my life. I will never enjoy the retirement that my parents had :(
I realize that this picture is not a good one. There are ways to correct it, but nothing that is better than what we are living now. I talked to another caregiver today at church. She is in her 40s and since college has taken care of her mother. She said one day we will be happy we did. I told her I didn't know, since I was 63. I might die before my mother, since I had gotten into the higher risk group. We never know what will happen.
I am so glad that our geniuses of the world were smart enough to bring computers into our homes. And the internet... bless those people. Many of us caregivers are able to eke away a semblance of a living online. Even that is drying up, though, with the flood of people and stores selling online -- so much competition now.
It just irks me to see my tax money going to those who shopped like there was no tomorrow, then they cry poverty because oops they had max out their dozens of credit cards on trips, cars, clothes, etc. I knew someone who had filed bankruptcy twice because of that.
My sig other's grown daughter use to think her Dad was an ATM machine until I told him that she needs to learn to work hard and save like he did. Why on earth was he handing over money to her and her husband when the two of them always had two brand new cars. And his vehicle of choice was 15 years old because he found it a lot cheaper hanging onto a vehicle until the wheels would fall off. Let them learn that, too. Plus no one needs to buy a pair of $200 blue jeans :P
Mom is just aging but I never want my daughter to have to thru what Im.
as the fulltime care take and no reserve income ( who knows when I will ever get back to a job.. and even then what?? I will have nothing.
when Mom dies the house we live in will have to be sold.. and then ??? what am I going to do.. I worry constantly .......
And to answer your question, I would have to say, "Yes". I am more than a little apprehensive when I consider my own future, as a caregiver and life-partner to my girlfriend, who is also permanently bedbound, and has been for the last seven years.
Teresa is a great joy in my life. As a widower with seven surviving children, all grown now, I have some experience, from a guy's view, in helping others. Teresa is an instructor and curriculum developer for Advanced Elementary Instruction in several of our nationwide schools. She is now legally blind and physically unable to transfer from her bed.
I am Teresa's only hope of staying out of a nursing home for the rest of her life. I am also an Honorably Discharged disabled American Veteran. I spent my time in the Air Force and now I'm in a wheelchair myself, doing the best I can in a position I was never trained for. Soon I'll be requiring services myself, and as we are both just over 60, things have changed for us inasmuch as the types and availability of programs to assist us. I see a terrible day ahead for us when we are split-up from each other, just so we can be assigned services...
My mom is 74. Last summer I bought a condo for my mom in my complex. She does pay me rent but I do subsidize her taxes & association dues. Like my dad my mom only has her social security income & a little money from when she sold her townhouse.
I have a Hello Fresh subscription ($69/week) for which I pay. The subscription is for 3 dinners for two & we have dinner together 3 nights a week.
My sister & brother are ex-cons & drug addicts. So my parent's care falls to me. I don't begrudge this. I have never married & have no children. I have already decided to move to assisted living as soon as I begin to fail, maybe at 70. I have also decided to forgo all medical care after 85. Actually, just this week I was thinking that if I got some bad disease now, like cancer, if I would even seek treatment. I am 57.