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My fathers drinking has gotten worse he has asked me about my whereabouts like if I am a child. I do not like this at all because I am 53 years old trying to get my life together by trying to regain employment what am I supposed to do
It's difficult to live with someone who is abusing alcohol. Is this what you think is happening with your dad? Do you live with him? Is he competent to live alone? If so, then maybe if you lived somewhere else, he would not be able to ask you questions about your life so much.
I suppose you could try to get him to stop drinking so much, but people have to want to stop drinking in order to stop. Who brings the alcohol to him?
There are a lot of unknown factors here. If you supply more information with your question, it might help others respond with more helpful tips.
Does your Dad have health problems such as dementia or something else that would cause him anxiety? My Dad, with dementia, when it was getting worse for him....was 'self medicating' with alcohol to deal with the anxieties he had related to the dementia and an inability to remember things and find items. He got much worse, with the constant nagging from my Mom, who needed all things to be in order all the time. Also, with his dementia, he lost all track of time, so while he was NEVER one to abuse alcohol or drink before 'cocktail time in the evening....he would be found pouring drinks at 10 am and when questioned, he would think it was 5 pm. Of course, there can be other diagnoses that create anxiety, and with alcohol being a depressant type drug....he could be self medicating unconsciously. I would recommend a dr's eval. If you have to tell the doc ahead of time about the alcohol use, go ahead. there are lab tests...blood tests, that can be ordered, that would show excessive use of alcohol.
ohc143 does your father have a painful condition. Many elders self medicate with alcohol because they don't want to admit the real problem nor to they want Dr visits and all the attendant tests. It is also very natural for elders to worry about their children whereabouts even though you are a competent adult and want your privacy. As far as your dad is concerned you can either attack head on, i.e. no driving, Drs evaluation, not allow alcohol in the house. My feeling would be as long as he is not a danger to himself or others let him be. After I had left home when I was visiting my mother would be at the door wringing her hands if I was five minutes late getting back. She had absolutely no worries about what i might be doing when i was not staying with her. It is just the way parents are.
How does he get the gin??? is he buying it, and how is he getting there to buy it. Gin is a wonderful alcohol as you can water it down and the colour doesnt change!!!??? He is not treating his 53 yr old daughter as a child its cos he doesnt remember you as an adult but the early days are coming back in an easier manner. Also without being sexist but being one .. Men want to control, dominate, be in charge.... [and so do manipulative women].. So as he is losing his abiities physically and as my Ma would say marbles, his domineering side comes on out to compensate. Are you living with him or frequent visits???? You can stand up to that approach , or if it makes him aggressive, then you have to work out another environment. Its important that you get a life yourself. and waiting for him to pop off to get it wont be happening next week. My parents fought and both would say at different times..When he/she has gone... I will then do as I wish........... he died at 94, and both had dementia, but Ma's is her anchor and she aint going no where to do as she wishes.... Live your life whilst you can, mine ended basically at 48 due to a surgical woopsie, so 20yrs of a half life, since. That was not in the plan.
Is he having a gin-and-tonic before dinner, or drinking excessively all day long? "Daily" really isn't as significant as how much. Is his drinking a problem for him?
That he treats you as a child may or may not be related to the drinking. Both may stem from the same cause. If, for example, he has the beginnings of dementia that may cause him not to recognize your independence and it may also cause him to want to "feel better" by drinking.
In other words, this situation could be very complicated.
If you'd like more specific ideas from us, please share more details, as others have asked. Are you living together? Your house or his? Has he been diagnosed with a chronic condition? Does he need supervision/caregiving?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I suppose you could try to get him to stop drinking so much, but people have to want to stop drinking in order to stop. Who brings the alcohol to him?
There are a lot of unknown factors here. If you supply more information with your question, it might help others respond with more helpful tips.
It is also very natural for elders to worry about their children whereabouts even though you are a competent adult and want your privacy.
As far as your dad is concerned you can either attack head on, i.e. no driving, Drs evaluation, not allow alcohol in the house. My feeling would be as long as he is not a danger to himself or others let him be.
After I had left home when I was visiting my mother would be at the door wringing her hands if I was five minutes late getting back. She had absolutely no worries about what i might be doing when i was not staying with her. It is just the way parents are.
Gin is a wonderful alcohol as you can water it down and the colour doesnt change!!!???
He is not treating his 53 yr old daughter as a child its cos he doesnt remember you as an adult but the early days are coming back in an easier manner.
Also without being sexist but being one .. Men want to control, dominate, be in charge.... [and so do manipulative women].. So as he is losing his abiities physically and as my Ma would say marbles, his domineering side comes on out to compensate.
Are you living with him or frequent visits???? You can stand up to that approach , or if it makes him aggressive, then you have to work out another environment. Its important that you get a life yourself. and waiting for him to pop off to get it wont be happening next week.
My parents fought and both would say at different times..When he/she has gone... I will then do as I wish........... he died at 94, and both had dementia, but Ma's is her anchor and she aint going no where to do as she wishes.... Live your life whilst you can, mine ended basically at 48 due to a surgical woopsie, so 20yrs of a half life, since. That was not in the plan.
Make your plans happen
That he treats you as a child may or may not be related to the drinking. Both may stem from the same cause. If, for example, he has the beginnings of dementia that may cause him not to recognize your independence and it may also cause him to want to "feel better" by drinking.
In other words, this situation could be very complicated.
If you'd like more specific ideas from us, please share more details, as others have asked. Are you living together? Your house or his? Has he been diagnosed with a chronic condition? Does he need supervision/caregiving?