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Older brother had access to mom's money & loaned the money to another brother for a couple months.
He now says it's his "early inheritance."
It's been two years with no repayment.
Our mother is in memory care with dementia & will shortly be needing this money for her self pay situation.

I have nothing to add to help you. But I will say it is beyond disgusting to steal from an elderly person. Your brothers of the bottom feeders of humanity. I'm so sorry for your mother and for you.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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Looks to me like that money is gone and will never be seen again.

Unless you proceed with filing charges for theft, conspiracy, fraud, or whatever. Both brothers could possibly be prosecuted. They were in cahoots to steal mom's money.
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Reply to Fawnby
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This is exactly why we should NEVER loan money to family members.

OB had no right to make decisions regarding your mom’s money, other than using it for her care.

Unfortunately, some children don’t care if their parents need money for care.

For some reason, they feel entitled to their parents’ money. They are selfish and greedy, pure and simple.

They justify their actions with all sorts of excuses.

Then they use their parents’ money to renovate their homes, new cars, travel, pay for college tuition, plastic surgery, basically whatever their heart desires, etc.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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This is THEFT and ELDER ABUSE and it is a crime that is reportable.
He should be reported, with all proof, to the DA office.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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So one brother gets an "inheritance" (which it actually isn't since mom is still alive and needs it) and the rest of the kids get nothing except the fallout of a mom who had her money taken from her when she is at her most vulnerable.

When you talk to older brother (did he take some for himself too?) who pulled the money out did you ask him what his plans are in regard to money mom will need now? The other brother...what does he say?

This is a really rotten situation.
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Reply to Sha1911
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This is a no no once Mom is in care and may need Medicaid. Medicaid will see it as a gift and there will be penalties. Once on Medicaid there will be no inheritance. All her assets will be need to be used for her care. In my State the amount allowed in assets is $2000. Thats your inheritance and what is in her Personal Needs Acct at the LTC. If there is a house when she passes, Medicaid will put a lien on it. When it sells, that lien will need to be satisfied. The family will get any proceeds that may be left.

Your brother needs to be very careful how he spends Moms money. There is no inheritance unless there is money left when she dies. Before that, its used to pay for her care.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Who is your mom’s POA? This really is their problem because the POA has a fiduciary duty to the person which means justifying where your moms $ went to AND if it involved lending them it was set up to be loaned in a way that can make sense if it were to be reviewed.
OR (horrors!)
Mom has no POA.

So what is it?
And does your mom supposedly have enough $ between her monthly income and her savings / investments suppose have enough $ to private pay for her care for roughly 2 years?
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Reply to igloo572
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JaniSue,

Is the brother who loaned moms money the POA or a co-owner of moms bank account? How is it he had access?

Is he actively pursuing the payback of these funds from younger brother or unconcerned? Has he taken money as well?

Paying a debt has at least two important components. The ability to pay and the willingness to pay. Brother has indicated he doesn’t have the willingness to pay. Does he have the ability?

Perhaps he can make payment to the memory care on a monthly basis. Please don’t wait until mom is out of money before receiving professional help.

Are you the caregiver for mom or is the lending brother? Someone may need to file for guardianship of mom and sue the brothers on her behalf. Very sad situation. I suppose you could speak with an attorney to learn what options are available.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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Only Daughter Jul 14, 2024
Thank you for your suggestions.
I particularly like the willingness to pay vs the ability to pay. YB has the ability just doesn't want to until he feels mom needs it but for now is counting it as his "right and early inheritance" to have it. There is no early inheritance as she's still alive!!
He and OB tricked mom into saying yes to a temporary loan of two months but it's been two years now w/o repayment. OB had his name on mom's bank accounts.
Both brothers kept this "loan" a secret from me for six months.
Mom had a will done many years ago by an elder law attorney naming me as her POA.
OB redid her will with an online version changing how mom's money will be distributed and naming himself as POA.
It greatly benefits both OB and YB. Of course mom signed it because she trusts OB. She has dementia and never even read it.

I will be contacting an attorney to see if the new will is even legit.
Sadly it's such a mess.
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