End-of-Life Checklist: Is there anything you'd add?
A dear friend's mom is 101 and has recently started refusing food and liquids. She probably weighs 85 lbs normally and has lost 3 pounds in the last week.
This dear lady is on Hospice, is at home with a 24/7 Home Health Aide. I made up a list of things that I think my friend should think about/have ready (she lives an hour away by subway).
Let me know if there is other stuff you would add to this list.
Dear M:
I hope things are better today. I have a couple of questions that I think you want to think about before things happen.
1. Is C (Home Health Aide) certified to ADMINISTER meds--in other words, can she give your mother liquid or injected morphine or will you need to be there to do that?
2. If something untoward/emergency happens, Hospice, not 911 gets called.
3. Have a "go bag" by the door--toothbrush/toothpaste/deodorant/couple of pairs of spare underpants/tee shirt and something to sleep in. If you get stuck at mom's for a couple of days, this will tide you over until someone can get stuff to you.
4. Get a spare phone charger with a plug at the end and/or a battery pack (also with charger) to keep in the go bag.
5 Make sure you can tell folks (us) who has keys to your apartment if we need to get you stuff.
6. I hope that this is all stuff that you won't need to know, but I always find being prepared takes some of the angst out of any situation.
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does the person that is being caring for have a living will/DNR/file of life etc they will need to locate that ASAP.
Numbers for clergy/spiritual caregivers for both your friend and mother.
Numbers for everyone they need to contact after she passes
Social Security will need to be contacted with the exact date of death. This is a stressful phone call in itself. Look that number up.
Small whiteboard and erasable marker for notes/communication (necessary when one person can't speak)
Small pack of tissues
More when I think of it...
A long cardigan or long wrap is my go-to item.
Even though heading to summer there (I guess?) it can be handy. I get very cold when tired sitting up late or miss a meal.
I always take something warm & cozy to be in for cold waiting rooms & hospitals. Being in Mother's home may be much much better & nicer for many reasons.
A long cardi + scarf also hides the pjs/comfort clothes you slept in from other visitors & medical staff (if this is a concern).
A list of relatives and/or friends who need to know quickly might be helpful. I've found that I often draw a blank when it comes to names and numbers during stressful situations.
A small pack of Kleenex can be helpful as well.
A legal cap pad is always with me wherever I go, as well as smaller note pads with cats or military planes as decoration. Just gazing at them relaxes me.
I think conformed copies of relevant legal data (DPOA, Living Will, etc.) might be a good idea, especially if decisions need to be made on the spot.
You're a good friend, Barb, and I think this person is lucky to have you in her life.
Well, it made the Roadrunner cartoons we'd watch ever so much more pleasant.
I've spent MANY days in the hospital with DH when he's been inpatient. I always bring a huge book that I have already read before. I would take breaks and just go for a short walk--but for the most part, if I were giving mother a break, I didn't leave dad alone.
Barb--this was a very kind post and you are a kind friend!
I saw my friend yesterday and she was FINALLY able to untangle a problem. The home health care agency was telling the Aide that she HAD to call if something untoward happened. Hospice of course was telling friend, "no you call US".
Turns out the HHC agency didn't know the patient was on Hospice. This is where having a SW from the local Area Agency on Aging come in handy, to sort this stuff out.
(((((Hugs)))))
Friend is glad that got straightened out!
Small comb or hairbrush
Small pack with cash or cards and identification and single house key -- trust me that you'll want something to fit in pocket or easily carried and not a purse or having to drag around the pack when leaving the room for a quick break.
The rest I would also suggest are not really your business unless your friend has asked for advice. I feel like you're inserting yourself in something that is a family matter.
If the HHA is private hire they can be instructed to give medications they do not need to be licensed or certified. (But check your State regulations)
(and TBH with the amount of meds Hospice leaves it is almost impossible to kill someone with an overdose.)
Hospice has TRAINED Vigil Volunteers. You can ask for one to be there with mom and they will work in shifts. They can stay until you arrive or they can stay with you. They are trained to support the patient and family. The goal of Hospice is care and comfort this includes the goal that no one dies alone.
The Volunteers though can NOT administer medications nor can they do "hands on care" other than maybe light hand/ arm massage with lotions or oils.
My experience with my own dying parent is based on NH care. We had an amazing level of support there; RNs, aides and med techs who'd known my mom for almost 5 years, plus hospice folks.
My aunt died at home, with only her son available to administer morphine to his mom. He killed himself a year or so later.
I want to avoid my friend feeling the guilt that I've witnessed in spouses and adult children who end up feeling that they've killed their loved one.
The good news is that this dear 101 year is eating and drinking a bit as of this AM.
There is nothing worse, in my opinion, than being the person caring for their loved one passing and then having to be the caretaker of all the rest of the family/friends etc. This #2nd person can do that. Answer questions, give pertinent information, and deflect any additional stress to your friend.
I wish you the very best with your friend and her mom. But I’ll tell you, it was really nice being with her at the end. Because there was a lot of fun times two along with sad times.