My husband was not diagnosed yet, but his mother has AL and he is doing the same things she did. Gets mad at the little things,I am wrong no matter what I do or say,He wants to buy exspensive things ,We can't afford.We are both on ss and I take care of everything around the house and he said I do nothing. I also have RA and in painall the time. The stress does not help. What can I do to stop his spending, and get help?
I know plenty of healthy people who behave as you describe, so it is hard to know if you need a doctor or a marriage counselor.
Whatever the state of his health, you need to rein in the free spending before you both wind up in serious trouble. It sounds like you take care of the finances. Can he balance the checkbook? (I mean does he have the skills to do it.) Can he understand basic financial concepts? Suppose you sit down with bankd statements and credit card statements, etc. and explain this is what we got as income last month, and this is how much we spent each month on food, housing, taxes, gas, utilities, etc. So we have $x leftover to spend on other things. But last month we spent $y. Where will that extra $230 come from? Would he understand that? If you laid this all out as simple facts and arthmetic and talk about what "we" spent (even though it is his spending that is the problem), what would his reaction be?
Can you enlist your doctor's help in getting hubby to be evaluated? Do you have children who can help you?
Most of us wait too long before we step up to 'take the bull by the horns'. It is often not only emotionally draining to do so, but that drain continues for a fair amount of time until the loved ones digresses to a point they understand even less.
Consider this first very minor step... hide the checkbook and as long as possible avoid finding it as you help him look. Eventually, in one way or other you'll just have to keep it from him. Yes, that'll enhance difficulties so you only want to do that as a last resort.
Never forget through whatever animosity comes your way that you are doing the right thing by him... and always remember that as difficult a prospect as it is to look forward to, there will come a time when he can even look at a checkbook and not know what it is. (The time between, of course, is the difficult time - but you simply have to condition yourself that you are doing right by him.)
A hard truth, but one which in the end will solve a lot of problems.
My best to you...