My mom thinks I am changing the times of the day or lying to her about it. How do I get her to understand the different times of the day, especially night and day?

Poor Mother. Poor teemel. No one is really happy. How very hard dementia is on all concerned! My heart goes out to both of you. Mom has been living with you 15 years. How many of those has she had dementia?

In my experience, trying to reason with someone who has lost her reasoning ability is futile and frustrating for both parties. You cannot convince Mom through logic what time of day it is. She can't think logically. Not her fault, poor dear, I'm sure she would rather be able to.

Does she not like going to bed? What would she rather be doing? What does she do in the living room? Does she sleep well once she gets to bed? How much sleep does she get each night? Does she nap during the day?

What kind of dementia does she have? What medications does she take? Have meds changed recently? How long has this bedtime resistance been going on?

Maybe someone would spot a clue in your answers ...

She has dementia going on almost 5 years. She has no problems in her bed is just that she feels its morning and she don't want to be in bed when she not ready to sleep. She in her little world and she is always right and I'm always lying to her. She has TV in her room and that is basically on all night long. She naps off and on during the day even in the evening between 7 - 9 pm which I'm trying to keep her awake.She been fighting me almost for 2 weeks every evening now. I told the doctor no medication for dementia because she too far gone by the time they diagnose it. I knew it would not make her better only prolong it. So I said no because I knew deep down that not what she wants. She did mentioned it to me in the past with a family member that has alz.

I think you are on the right track with trying to lose the evening nap. She rests, she wakes up, she's ready to rock n roll. When you wake up after sleeping, it is morning, right? Everyone knows that. No wonder she thinks you are lying to her. Sigh. If you can get her to skip the nap, maybe you can also get her to bed earlier.

Refusing drugs is certainly a valid option. Just for the record, drugs to treat dementia do not prolong life, They work (or don't, as the case may be) to address particular symptoms. The purpose is to improve quality of life, but not to increase the length of life. Some kinds of dementia respond to treatment better than other kinds, and you are right that the drugs are most effective in the earliest stages.

I'm sorry I'm not used to discussing my life that I'm dealing with. It did not come out right. The drug won't prolong her life. I meant to say it would not make her mind back like it was before this illness took over. By the time she was diagnose she was more in the later stages and it would not have been effective. Yes my husband and I are trying to have conversations with her to keep her awake but its not that effective since you can't have fully conversations going with her.

Yes, I can about imagine how difficult it is to sustain conversations with a person with advanced dementia. Is there a video she likes, (perhaps to watch over and over) or an early evening television program you could watch with her, or does she like being read to?

Where does she take her nap? Recliner, couch, bed? Does she get pajamas on for the nap?

Maybe if you could figure out how to keep her up until 8 or so, and then help her into a comfy nightie and into bed, her "nap" would automatically turn into nighttime sleep. We can hope, anyway.

What a hard, hard disease this is, on everyone!

That's the sad part she has no hobby none of any kind. Used to love TV but now she cannot follow between show and commercials or news. She in her recliner in living room during the day she does not budge off that chair unless its for eating or going to bathroom. Books she never reads nor any kinds of hobbies during her entire life which I could never understand why not. Some days she in her pajamas all day sometimes she want to change clothes but mostly she doesn't. I have to budge to get her dressed when we go to doctor or any where we need to be. Thanks for your response its been helpful.

When my husband could not follow regular tv because it was too confusing to switch between commercials and the program, he did OK with certain videos. They stick to the story line without distractions. A daughter gave him a set of espisodes of a tv show he used to like, and without the commericals each lasted about 40 minutes. On good days he could attend that long. He didn't mind seeing them over and over. He could also sort socks (if I didn't give him too many at once) and fold towels. It is really hard finding activities for the seriously impaired, isn't it?

Teemel - I really feel for you. I can hear your frustration and fed-up-ness. And I can relate to everything you say!! Aaah - caring eh? ! I wonder what your mum responds positively to? Has she always fought you or is it just since the dementia or more recently? My mum is very similar to yours in that she won't do anything like a hobby unless I put a lot of effort into 'cheer-leading', which I can't do all the time, so she's huffing and puffing around the house looking for 'something'. To be honest I just let her. It's some physical exercise and on some level she knows that I'm not there for her every whim. I think at some stage there is a mix between really not being able to do something for herself and another aspect which is more emotionally centred and that seems very alive and kicking! That part 'behaves badly' or seems to be obstructing the flow of the day. My mum plays games just to get some interaction with me - she can create a huge mess with food and spill things everywhere and I know it's to get some conversation going even if it's just me and her clearing it up. Other times she genuinely drops things. Interaction, for folk with dementia, is completely different to how it used to be. And of the utmost importance as they are losing everything cognitive as time goes by and if she can get some response, any response (positive and negative) it works for her, as at least it's a response. My mum spends much time staring out the window and talking to herself - I feel this is ok and some sort of self-medication. Her world in her head is safe and although fragmented it's hers. In terms of TV watching sport is the answer for her. We've had cricket, rugby, tennis, darts and skiing on - she responds well to the exciting parts and can get quite involved, we even ended up buying one of the sports packages for her! I was v surprised as not only did she never watch tv she has had relatively little interest in sport whatsoever. So you find out things by chance sometimes. My mum refuses to any households tasks, except when I sing and ask her to sweep the kitchen! She'll tidy up the cushions in the lounge (so i keep de-arranging them! And ditto socks and towles like jeannegibbs said before. I just mess things up all day log and she'll find the mess and sorts it out.....! Dressing and undressing can be stressful too - sometimes she goes to be in her nightie and sometimes she won't take her day wear off. I'm not bothered really as she is good at having baths whenever they are run - warm and comforting and we make up songs about bubbles and stuff... In fact singing and having music on helps in most things. My mum's room is on the gound floor as is her bathroom and we have a camera installed to be able to check on her movements at night. This may sound intrusive but it saves alot of stress and works brilliantly. She potters around downstairs by herself, collecting food (!) and taking it back to her room. It creates a big mess in the morning but she doesn't bother us at all. Some friends I know have created a safe boundary between bedroom and bathroom to keep wandering parents safe. It's not cruel - just necessary. My husband created a loop dvd of us saying hello, waving, making funny faces and showing mum our cat and the garden and sending her lots of love, and messages from other family members (usually doing funny things), plus some quick things like a few football goals, an hour of tennis, some birds singing and dogs playing in the park; children eating ice creams - just simple pleasures that would make any one smile - she watches it again and again and laughs and loves it! I'm going on a bit here ..... Oliver James' "Contented Dementia" is worth a read too. Blessings and good luck x

Aah times of the day. I meant to answer this before my overly long epic before ....My mum has turned into the speaking clock!! We get time checks every 10-20 mins - and they are usually nothing to do with the time of day. I think there are some clocks which are recommeded by the Alz Soc which are meant to make life easier...but in terms of your mum's frustration with time and you (not) changing it .. it sounds like there's a deeper issue for her and the time has been 'latched' on to to try to find some sense of life for her know. It all sounds very sad and difficult to know what is actually going on with her. When my mum asks or gives a time check I also say something positive like We have All the time in the world....or Time for Tea! ... or something humourous and time based. She gets annoyed sometimes but I stay sane .....But basically she is trying to make sense of life and the day and is completely muddled. You can't tell your mum or reason with her as she can't understand that. At night just carry on as if it's nightime - go through the motins of closing down the day - tv off, lights off, doors locked, hot water bottles , etc etc etc and then say goodnight to her and leave the room. My mum wanders around a bit and then realises nothing is going to happen and then goes to her room . I can hear her awake but she's not in danger or a risk to herself and that's all I'm bothered about at night. Gotta go and make tea now ... x