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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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It took my grandmother just over a year to stop complaining. Keep in mind, moving is a big adjustment. If you haven't already, talk with the staff at the assisted living community and let them know she's having a hard time adjusting.
If she's complaining about something in particular that's bugging her, then I'd check into that. BUT if she's just complaining about having to live in asst living, then what can you do? Is the family going to let her go back home or do what she wants to do? If not, then someone is going to have to look her in the eye and tell her (maybe every single time) that she HAS to live asst living from now on. I think everyone needs to get a little thicker skin about this. My mother-in-law also lives in asst living, and believe me I know. Doesn't mean I don't sympathize with her, but it's NOT gonna change. Sorry.
I agree with naheaton....My Mom refuses to adjust to the Nursing Home and it has been over A YEAR. Every time I call her (every other day) I review the reasons why she needs to have 24/7/365 help. My Mom has dementia (among other problems), lives 3000 miles from me and I am an only child. Mom has no friends or relatives and was and still is very reclusive and giving up her privacy was a huge issue for her. You do the best you can, handle what you can and let go of the stuff you don't have control over. In my mind I know my mom is living in a much safer environment than she was when she was living on her own. In my heart I am sad to see my Mom in so much emotional pain. Good luck to you and I pray your MIL will find peace and acceptance.
I also agree with the people who have already answered.My mother was finding life very hard last year. I helped her make a list of what she is truly unhappy about, and we tried to figure out ways to change the things we could. I teasingly tell her she has 15 to complain each day and have noticed she does not find as much to complain about. My mother likes to view herself as the mother, so we did the same thing with me. Our gripe sessions very often end in laughter. I think our parents need someone to validate that what is happening to them is so very hard, and that is why they may complain so much.
Joni, is your Mom close by? How often do you see her? If she has dementia she might think she is "lost", or simply confused. Most people have busy lives these days. I would suggest asking all family members to schedule bi-monthly visit to her. From our children being dropped at daycare to our elders in care homes, the human being resorts to manipulation when they are not getting what they want immediately. Can't reason or argue with dementia, so you need to reassure her she is safe, loved, and attended to. JRW: does your Mother have visitors from your family? Maybe she is lonely. I moved my Mother nearby when her husband passed, as I could not drive the long distance every week and still do what I needed for my family and my other responsibilities. I try to see her every other day, but she is not walking or talking now, so I must make sure she does not have pressure wounds. She is very advanced dementia, but my visits make a difference in her demeanor. It is worth it do help them ease out of this life as lovingly as possible. If you can't move her near you, arrange or make sure she is socially engaged. Good Luck.
Thanks for the kind words Christina, There is no family close to where my Mom lives. She refused to move years ago after Dad passed away and now she is too frail and would not do well in the Pacific Northwest where I live. She is in So. Florida. I have difficulty traveling and probably won't be able to see her ever again. My last trip was almost a year ago. I have hired an elder care nurse to visit a couple of times a month and Mom has a roommate. She refuses to become involved in any of the activities and cherishes her privacy. She won't let the staff touch her. The staff love her at the home and she does appear outwardly that she is OK with others, but to me she gripes and groans about everything. If Mom could have her way, she would live completely alone in her own little place where it is peaceful and quiet! Of course, she would probably have died by now. Long story. Thanks again.
I'm so sorry, JRW. We all have some kind of pain and anguish with our families. Your comment about letting her live in her own place reminds me of a story my husband ( from Central WA) told me about his Great Uncle. He lived in a pack rat shack out of town and was 108 years old. He was alcoholic and kept his shotguns loaded at all times. His "kids"--haha, they were probably over 70--thought he would burn the place down or die and no one would know, so they moved him into a nursing home. He died 3 days later. Things were less dangerous in the 50's in Washington and everywhere else. We are damned if we see to their care and damned if we don't. It's who is left--the living--who have to live with the choices. In situations like this I have learned to say, "OH WELL". God Bless you, Dear Ones. {{{HUGS}}} Christina
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
JRW: does your Mother have visitors from your family? Maybe she is lonely. I moved my Mother nearby when her husband passed, as I could not drive the long distance every week and still do what I needed for my family and my other responsibilities. I try to see her every other day, but she is not walking or talking now, so I must make sure she does not have pressure wounds. She is very advanced dementia, but my visits make a difference in her demeanor. It is worth it do help them ease out of this life as lovingly as possible. If you can't move her near you, arrange or make sure she is socially engaged. Good Luck.
Your comment about letting her live in her own place reminds me of a story my husband ( from Central WA) told me about his Great Uncle. He lived in a pack rat shack out of town and was 108 years old. He was alcoholic and kept his shotguns loaded at all times. His "kids"--haha, they were probably over 70--thought he would burn the place down or die and no one would know, so they moved him into a nursing home. He died 3 days later. Things were less dangerous in the 50's in Washington and everywhere else. We are damned if we see to their care and damned if we don't. It's who is left--the living--who have to live with the choices.
In situations like this I have learned to say, "OH WELL".
God Bless you, Dear Ones. {{{HUGS}}} Christina