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I’ve been his caregiver for 15 yrs.
He has been bedridden since August. So this is very new for us & a huge 3-4X/day challenge for me. He is too large for me to pull him up in bed or turn him, his arms/legs are weak. I use diapers but tear off all the tabs and slide one end under his bum and pull the other up over his penis. 90% of the time he’ll pull the diaper off and get urine/feces all over him & throw diaper on the floor. He then pees all over the side of the bed and the floor. I forgot to mention he won’t wear clothes or gown. I cover the floor with bed pads since we have hard wood floors. Changing sheets, I fit the top 2 corners of the bed and stretch the sheet down his side to fit bottom corner. Then roll up sheet & under-pad lengthwise & push it under him as far as I’m able. Go around to other side and work slowly to grab/pull the sheet/pad underneath his body. It seems there should be an easier/quicker way to do this.


Thanks for reading this to the end.


I appreciate your patience & thoughts.

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"Refuses to wear clothing or a gown"= placement. Look into it right away. With no way to prevent him from getting into his disposable brief, he gets to call the shots at 270 lbs. This will kill YOU, not HIM. Hallmark Skilled Nursing is very good and takes Medicaid. I had mom there for rehab. It's close to Littleton.

Good luck to you.
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I just read your husband’s long list of health conditions, and wish blessings to you both. This has to be overwhelming for a caregiver. I’m afraid for you, this situation leaves you in constant danger of injury, and if you’re not available, what happens to husband then? My mom was a two person assist for every move and movement. She wasn’t a large person at all but was unable to help due to paralysis. I cannot imagine trying her level of care being done by any one person, simply not sustainable. There’s no shame in admitting when you cannot do this any longer, meanwhile I wish you peace
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Sherian Feb 29, 2024
Thank you for your caring words.
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I'm sorry that you are facing this challenge. Are you using washable bed pads? Aside from keeping bedding clean I found them useful to help with repositioning, they were very sturdy and worked better than a draw sheet, there are also specially made transfer/slide sheets.
If your DH can/will help at all a bed assist rail can be useful to give him something to grab to keep him on his side.
If you are determined to care for him at home you may be able to rent a lift for a trial period, while they may not save much time they will definitely save your back and if you become injured you won't be able to care for him at all.
And last - there are dozens of videos on YouTube that can help you, you can start by searching for cna skills or any specific skill you are interested in
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Sherian Feb 29, 2024
Thank you cwillie! Yes I do have a rubber/plastic encased waterproof hospital/medical mattress. I purchased several different transfer/slide pads, but they are too thick for me to get underneath his body. I will check out YouTube, thank you.
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Check to see if your local senior center offers pro bono consultations with a lawyer. If you have had no income since Sept. your husband has to qualify for Medicaid. Let a professional point you in the right direction. My heart goes out to you.
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First and foremost if your husband is bedridden he has to be in a hospital/medical bed. This is the most important thing. They come with side rails and can be raised to a safe height so whoever is changing him does not risk an injury themselves.
If you do not have a hospital/medical bed for him, that should be your top priority.

I was an in-home caregiver for 25 years. Please DO NOT buy siderails that can be attached to a regular bed and are held in place by a person's weight. This is the most dangerous and useless product in the world. You might as well leave a loaded gun in the bed because it's no more dangerous. When I was still doing hands-on care, if a client was immobile, in diapers, and did not have a hospital bed I would refuse the assignment. It's that dangerous to the client and the caregiver not having a bed already equipped with siderails that can be raised and lowered.

You should bring in outside help if you can. This will help greatly.
Here's what I always did for bedridden, diaper-dependent clients.

When the bed is being made, place a long beach towel lengthwise across where the person's backside will be. Then put a Chux pad on top of that. You can also put a disposable one too for convenience.

You use the ends of the beach towel to turn the person from side to side. Then have them hold on to the bedrail while you wash and change them. After you're finished, raise the foot of the bed as high as it can go (keep the head flat) then pull the beachtowel and slide the person up in the bed. Tell your husband to push up with his legs if he can. That helps. I did this daily on my own for a 430lb client in a bariatric hospital bed. It can be done if you know what you're doing. If you don't know what you're doing you are going to hurt yourself.

Bring in homecare to help you with his morning and bedtime care at least.

As for the diaper and him getting into it. Buy diapers that are roomy enough for him and put them on properly. Then duct tape them around the waist. Then put a pair of shorts over them. This will keep him from getting at the contents inside. To safely remove the soiled diaper, use a pair of rounded-tip bandage scissors and cut the tape.

I cannot stress it enough to you to please get a hospital/medical bed if you don't have one and to bring in some homecare to help you.
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AlvaDeer Feb 29, 2024
I believe there are youtube tapes available for changing sheets on bedridden patients.
Given all of that, at narly 300 pounds I don't consider this is sustainable and am wondering that she has survived with back intact for 15 years.
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You are in a difficult situation. You need help. Where do you get that? In a skilled nursing facility. His care is too much for you. He weighs 270 pounds, and you shouldn't be lifting and rolling him around! Next thing you know, you'll have a back injury, and then who would take care of both of you?

Find a nice facility, get him there, and get your life back. He will be better off with professional caregivers who know how to do this and do it well.

I'm very sorry for what you've been through.
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Its time to have DH placed. With your financial status he would qualify. You would be the Community Spouse and stay in the home and have a car.

Its awful that you have not been paid. Maybe write a letter to your State district Senator. Also tell them you have been denied. Call your Office of Aging. Maybe even Adult Protection.
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100% it is time that you really consider residential facility placement for your DH. There is ZERO shame in that. Your other option is to hire in home caregivers.

I have heard a statistic that something like 40% of caregivers are outlived by the people they are taking care of. And the vast majority of those situations are 100% because of the caregiving - either because of physical or mental (or both) health impacts, isolation, emergent injury or illness of the caregiver that removes them from the home - you name it.

I am making the assumption that your DH is elderly - I can't tell. But if he is - you are also the loved one and caregiver for a Medical Unicorn. By that, I mean that the average person does not reach 75+ and still weigh over 250 pounds. My FIL, for whom I was one of multiple caregivers for the last 5 years, was almost 90 and 300+ lbs. Doctors were afraid to change anything because they did not know what was keeping him alive.

When someone is over a certain age and over a certain weight - you are in a double whammy. They aren't going to have the upper body strength to help you, they may not even have the mental capacity to know what you need help with if they are experiencing dementia symptoms.

When FIL was still mentally healthy - we told him that if he reached a line in the sand - we would have no choice but to either hire full time skilled nursing caregivers for his home or move him to SNF. He was bitter and angry about it. And he didn't believe us. But only two of the four of us lived with him (BIL/SIL) and none of us had 24 hours availability.

3 of the 4 already had SURGERY due to caregiving injuries. I was the lone survivor and I was headed in that direction. When he could no longer get himself out of bed and to the toilet - we told him it was time. He fought us but we held fast. Because we didn't owe him servitude or our health to keep him home. And even with all four of us we couldn't do what needed to be done.

You are ONE person - trying to do this 24 hours a day. At best you can get a hoyer lift. But that is only a bandaid. You really have to consider other options at this point. Either in home additional care or residential care. I don't see how you can do this alone for much longer.

Love and dedication to keeping him home won't protect you or him from injury. Keeping unnecessary promises without considering your safety and his are not in anyone's best interest. It's not giving up and it's also not providing care to look for other safe options.
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BlueEyedGirl94 Feb 29, 2024
That should read "it's also not NOT providing care to look for safe options".
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He needs to be in a facility as your are unable to care for him.

Your wooden floors need to be replaced. Are you the owner or a renter?
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Sherian Feb 29, 2024
Owner. LTC denied his renewal in Jan ‘24. His renewal was for Aug 30.
I submitted all requested paperwork by Aug 28. But they were backlogged and after 20-30 phone calls I was told to wait for them to get to it. I haven’t been paid since last September and have no income.
i can not private pay a nursing home.
i can’t afford to hire in home care.
I feel stuck.
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I see that you replied that you cannot afford nursing home care. Not many can as it’s hugely expensive. My mother entered a nursing home following a life changing stroke that did devastating damage and was paying through a long term care policy. The expense burned through the policy within a year. After that she continued in the same nursing home, in the same room, same bed, same care, with Medicaid paying the bill. My father remained in their home. Other than selling one car, his finances were unchanged. Please don’t think using Medicaid means financial or level of care loss. It’s a viable option that many use in times of need. I hope you’ll find a way to guard your own well being in such a time
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