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My mother has stage 5-6 vascular dementia and is in a memory care unit near one of my brothers. I am contemplating moving her to a memory unit closer to me. This would involve a 10 hour car ride. I have no idea how we would do this. Does anyone have experience or suggestions? Thanks

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Is there a reason you can't take her on a direct flight? Or even 1/2 or 3/4 of the way by air and then have someone meet you in that city to take you the rest of the shortened way?

A 10-hour car ride would probably need to be broken into 2 days. This means a hotel and restaurants. Do you trust her in a car? She wouldn't panic and try to unbuckle her seatbelt and open the car door? Or continuously yell "Help!" out the window like my Aunt did?

If you attempt a car ride will she need meds for anxiety or sleep? Is she on any now? I would definitely take another person with you so you can have breaks and go into rest stops without her, and someone can distract and entertain her (especially if you do all 10 hours in a single day). She will be disoriented and this may affect her behavior.
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I'd be more concerned with how completely confused and disoriented she'll be once she arrives at the new place than a 10-hour car ride that I'd never attempt in a million years.

If she's settled in her current place, I'd think twice about moving her.
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It all depends upon the person. My Mom and I travelled a lot. In fact, she always wanted to be on the go. When I would see her, she would say "Let's go."

The problem toward the later days, was that I could NOT safely transfer her from the wheelchair to the car seat and back out. She could hold her bowels, and her Depends (and liners) could catch most of the urine (she was incontinent). Otherwise, my Mom thoroughly enjoyed car trips. We ate in the car and she liked that.

My suggestion to you is to take your Mom for a ride or 2, like about 1 hour each (no stops). See what happens. Will she eat and drink in the car or does she want to leave the car to eat and drink? Does she try and open the door while the car is moving? Does she try and get out?

There are a lot of different dementia behaviors. It is hard to predict what one will do with certainty. However, you can get an idea if you do shorter tests.

Good luck and I hope the trip is uneventful.
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geddyupgo Jan 14, 2024
A great suggestion to take a "test run". As you say.... dementia affects people in different ways!
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I moved my mom 700 miles away via first class 2 hour flight. She was mobile with a walker. I requested a wheelchair. Both trips involved an airport 20 minutes away. She wore disposable underware with a bathroom trip just before and just after the flight. I also carried 2 disposable pads for the seat.

To her it was an adventure. She was admitted late in the afternoon and I stayed with her until she finished dinner.

Logistics:
Depends on mobility.
She was wait listed, but once accepted, she required a TB test. I had to pre purchase bedroom furniture and set it up before her arrival
I had to donate her old furniture rather than move it. I was very lucky to find another resident family member who had a daughter who needed a bedroom set. The mattress was tossed out by the MC
I packed up her clothes and most personal stuff. It moved with me in my moving van...the reason for the move. The most important items to move were a few wall pictures of long deceased siblings and all of her photo albumns
I packed only essentials that would go in 2 suitcases and my travel bag was only a carry on..

If I think of anything else, I will re post
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Yarivush Jan 14, 2024
How was the plane ride? airport security and such? Was there any agitation or panic on the flight? Did you use any medication?
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If your mother is being well cared for in the memory care facility she's in now, leave her there. Why move her now? If she's used to where she is and it's familiar to her, don't put her through the ordeal of being transported a long distance then being put in a totally unfamiliar new place.

It's very likely she will not be able to acclimate to a new facilty and all the new people who are strangers to her.
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We did a 14 hour drive with my MIL. When she began to get confused or agitated, we stopped either at a Walmart or for a fast food hamburger. She was familiar with both places, they are quite similar and she quickly settled down the moment she walked in the door. At the time it seemed like a magic trick. The trip took 2 days because of all the stops. There were 2 of us, she did mess with her seatbelt frequently. We were relieved that she slept well in the same hotel room with us.
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Unless she is sedated, I would NOT even consider driving 10 hours with someone that qualifies for memory care.

Is the MC she is in bad? Who is her POA? If she is not mistreated then I would leave things be.
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I would not move her. Change really effects them even may cause more decline. If she is incontinent, I would not even attempt it. Airplane it better be nonstop. Being is strange places may cause anxiety and that u do not need on an airplane. At her stage, leave her where she is.
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if possible try breaking up your trip to 5 hours each and stay at a hotel/ motel along the route. It will be a lot more doable for you both.
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Some years ago I traveled with my mother on a Caribbean cruise. It was like traveling with a 3 year old. She was perfectly mobile (too much so). She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's some years earlier. I lost her once on board the ship and had crew members searching for her. Most nights I slept very lightly so I could hear her leave the cabin. By that time I was cutting her food for her and the dining steward very kindly started doing it for me telling my mother she was a very special guest. She took offense (and I can't blame her) when she was treat like a child, but a special guest she could accept. On shore excursions she was fine and I walked her all over creation to tire her out enough so I could get some rest. Over all the trip is a special memory I can recall and am glad I took the opportunity to travel with her before her death. I would suggest if possible to have a second person along to relieve you.
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Yarivush Jan 14, 2024
Good for you!
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