On 12/20/2023 my 84 year old mother had a large stroke with onset atrial fibrillation. The stroke left right side paralysis but she was moving the left side. A few days after the stroke she had bleeding on the brain after which we noticed that she wasn’t moving her left side anymore.
She seems to be in a coma like state, she’s not responding just eyes open from time to time. The doctors said there’s nothing more they can do. The day before the stroke my mother was at bingo and lived independently. I decided end of life care with hospice but find myself going back over if I made the right decision? My mother didn’t want help even if she needed help, you would have to help her anyway. She rarely called for anything and was active in church, went to stores and got around pretty good. She didn’t have advanced wishes in place so I based my decision on how she lived her life.
I guess a stroke is the thing I fear the most as I saw what a stroke did to my mother. Her life was saved but she did not have the life she was used to after her stroke. I lost the mother I knew four years before her body finally gave up. Mom was on hospice for three years. One of the saddest things I ever heard from mom was, "Why didn't you let me die? I just want to die."
Your mom had a wonderful life, it sounds like it was very full. Now she will have a peaceful homegoing to the other side. That's probably the best last gift you can give your mom. Grief, not guilt, should be your companion over the coming days and weeks.
I’m still trying to settle in our new routine…
it’s hard.
if they tell you they will give you 5 days respite relief.. make sure you do your homework on the facility…
Do csll the facility to find out how residents are on board, how many residents to room, how many caregivers in morning, afternoon snd evening. How far away is it from your home?
You know your mother and the way that she lived her life. You absolutely made the correct decision.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Wishing you peace as you continue on this difficult journey.
All the best to you at this difficult time.
Sorry for your impending loss .
I've taken care of a stroke victim at home. There was hospitalization, then rehab, then coming home. Caregiving under those circumstances is extremely difficult. Progress is made in tiny increments. Brain tissue's been lost. Memory is affected. Personality changes. What they don't tell you while you're going through all of the work to get back to normal is the follow-on issues of a stroke. For instance, six months later, muscle contracture and pain. That alone is pretty awful, and then they hit you with, "Well, you could have surgery for that." Really? In arms, legs, ankles, who knows where else? And while that's going on, if the patient can walk, they're falling down, usually. More injury. And the depression. It settles in on the victim and often requires medication, which the patient might not want to take because their personality is no longer normal, and then you have another chronic issue for which they might self-medicate. Think alcohol.
What I'm saying is that there's a lot more to stroke than you've probably been told. Don't second-guess yourself at all. The day before her stroke, mom was happy. That's a wonderful thing.
If it were me, and maybe it will be someday, I would want my daughter to do exactly as you did. And for her to have no regrets.
Sending blessings to you.
Yes, in my humble opinion you have made the most loving, most strong, best decision on earth for your mother. My condolences. There would be no coming back from this to anything that is any quality of life.
Bless you for your strength in honoring what you know is right for your dear mom. She'll always be with you; I guarantee it.
We should all be so blessed at our end of life that we are living and loving and then we are quickly gone. May The Lord give you grieving mercies, and comfort in your heart to KNOW that you made the most compassionate choice for her. Great big warm hug!
May God hold you close as you walk this road with her.
Do not feel guilty. Feel grief, but not guilt. I'm so sorry for your loss. May you receive peace in your heart and be comforted by memories of your time with her.