We never had children and situation is very stressful.
BACKGROUND: Father-in-law died June 2010 in FLA. My husband's sister moved in with her mother in 2011. Mother-in-law called us to come and get her because her daughter was mentally abusing her. We drove down from PA to bring her back with us in June 2013. We got her out of substantial debt, and welcomed her into our home at the time. It worked for a while, but situation has gotten increasingly stressful. She has no interests whatsoever. She sits in same living room chair watching TV daily. She has a few health issues, but nothing serious. Could possibly live alone, but I see signs of dimentia although she won't admit it. Husband & I would like some alone time when we get home from work (I work part-time now) but have to go to another room. We bought her a TV for her bedroom but she still spends time in LR. Husband and she don't get along due to issues between her daughter and him. She defends daughter. He had heart attack last year which was triggered from stress from this situation. Husband and she had a blowup about a month ago. He said he couldn't handle it anymore. His blood pressure was sky high. I spoke to her about it and told her she'd have to find another place to live because I couldn't risk him having another heart attack. I told her she should start to look around for a place. I wouldn't just throw her out. I offered to help her find a place but she didn't want my help. She packed up some of her things in her room a few days later and went to live with her sister who is 90. Her sister has many health issues. I have guilt feelings now but it just wasn't working and my husband's health is more important than anything (which I told her). Do we try to work this out or just let things go? I worked for 47 years and retired 4 years ago. This is not how I had planned my later years. I have turned into a nasty old lady (I am 69) from this. I used to be very easy going. I just want my house and my life back. What to do?
If you worry about your mother-in-law and her sister as time goes on, you can ask social services to do a welfare check on them. But you've done a great deal for her already and continuing as you have been could kill your husband. The statistics of caregivers dying before those they take care of are scary.
Please don't accept guilt for this. You've done what you could and more. Now you must take care of your marriage - plus your health and your husband's health. Be there for emergencies but don't take your mother-in-law back into your home or you'll be right back where you started.
Please keep us posted on how you are doing. I know that the guilty will bother you even though you didn't have much choice. Things will work out even if you have to call social services to take care of the elderly ladies. Where she is now is likely better than when she was with her daughter.
Carol