His maternal grandmother succumbed to the disease years ago, My husband is only 60, but there have been warning signs for years, to me anyway. He gets absolutely furious if I say there may be a problem.
Here's what I see..........
At least twice a week he will forget he left his wallet at home and have to go back to get it. He will be talking about something and just stop in mid-sentence, nothing more is said. When I say something like 'go on' he looks at me like a deer caught in the headlights. I have to remind him what he was talking about. This happens frequently, more often than not.
He does side jobs, in addition to his full-time job and likes to describe them in minute detail up to the last screw he placed and how he placed it. I get bored with the conversation relatively fast because who wants to hear that? It would be akin to my telling him 'Oh, I scrubbed out the toilet today and here's how I did it. I stuck the brush in, scrubbed around the rim..." Yadeyada. Who DOES that? Like no one?
Well, HE does and I have to hear it with everything! The dog poops and I'm already thinking 'God NOOOOO!' I'm going to have to hear how he bent over, moving the grass aside to get the perfect grip on the pile. How he positioned the bag just perfectly to swipe it all in. Sound nuts? Believe me, it is. I am not exaggerating, though I wish I WERE.
Speaking of dog poop, EVERY night (like clockwork) he takes our dog out and immediately comes back in saying the very same thing. 'I forgot the flashlight. I need it to see in case she poops.' For REAL? I've bloody heard this every night for the past four years! Crap, you'd have to be completely brain-dead not to know PRECISELY what's going to transpire. It gets old and fast.
My brain is still sharp as a tack (at 58) yet his is making mine feel like mush. He gets very angry when I bring any of this to the forefront and, if you read my previous post, you might understand my dilemma.
I'd appreciate any input!
He's also somewhat absent-minded. That, too, is not dementia.
Put on your earplugs, do something else, maybe marriage counseling?
When I first became suspicious of my mother, these were some of the signs: her handwriting had gotten smaller, she occasionally struggled with her satellite TV remote or to change the input on her TV in order to watch a DVD. These signs were tiny and not too alarming, but with her family history of Alzheimer’s, I was concerned. I convinced her to go get checked out for a potential vitamin B12 deficiency. But it was normal. I was lucky she cooperated with me and went to a neurologist for further workup.
Her diagnosis of dementia made her understandably angry. However, within a short time, she agreed to go on the prescribed Aricept and we were both delighted a few weeks later when she seemed somewhat better. They added Namenda the next year. And mom continued to live independently (with me quietly overseeing her affairs) for seven years!
Each individual’s journey looks different dependent upon which areas of the brain are being affected. There are a multitude of reversible conditions that can cause cognitive issues (such as a B12 deficiency) and there are medications that may cause issues, as well.
Recalling minute details about a job does not negate the possibility of cognitive issues. My mom continued to amaze us that she could subtract by 7s (part of the cognitive exam) well into her disease whereas she couldn’t remember that she’d had lunch 30 minutes earlier.
Does your husband get annual checkups? If so, perhaps you can discreetly reach out to the doctor’s office prior with your concerns. They could check for vitamin deficiencies and give him the basic cognitive screening. However, be aware that these exams are quite easy and a good score does not necessarily mean there aren’t some cognitive issues.
Good luck to both of you!
I would suggest that you make an appointment for him for an annual physical and when you do ask the doctor to do a MME (mini mental exam) You might have to get assertive in pushing for a referral (if you need one) to a neurologist or neuropsychologist for a more complete exam but that would be the next important step. If the doctor after doing the MME says we will compare this with the next one when he comes in again DON'T agree, push to see a specialist.
If your husband does not want to talk about this or gets upset send a message prior to the appointment using the Patient Portal (if there is not one set up you can set one up for him.)
The next thing you should do would be to set up an appointment with an Elder Care Attorney and get your "ducks in a row" with all the paperwork that will need to be done.
Then you need to rethink your reactions to the things your husband says and does. If this is a form of dementia this will NOT get better, will NOT get easier and you need to figure out what your plans are going to be. You will not be able to change him or what happens to him you can change yourself and your reactions to what he does.
As far as his full-time job, he works remotely from home now so, I kind of know more now than I used to. He's often telling me some of his co-workers act like he's an idiot, which infuriates me. Whatever is wrong with him, it's not his fault and I'm more than a little concerned.
Some people have mentioned seeing a lawyer, but no WAY would he go for that.
actually, i would say, it could be the start of dementia.
dementia sometimes has signs years before it really becomes obvious ---- and normally it's the wife/husband who notices.
it starts with memory lapses - and trying to deny it's happening.
most people are not embarrassed with making a few memory mistakes. but when it happens more often, the person (who's starting to have dementia) is often aware it's happening more often, and they're embarrassed to admit it's happening.
forgetting every single night the flashlight, is not normal.
frequently stopping mid-sentence, is also not normal. (if he hasn't done it all his life)
i have a LO, who noticed years before some signs (dementia) in another LO. in the end, it was correct.
-----unfortunately, even if it is dementia, there is not much to do against it. no cure. and medicine, can make it a lot worse. sometimes better to leave it alone (no medicine against dementia).
one can read about it, try to inform oneself what might happen in the next years.
at some point, the person might even admit, there is dementia involved. often there's anger if one mentions the possibility of dementia.
at some point, setting up POA (power of attorney) is a good idea, before things get worse.
hug! courage!! wishing you well!!
My husb was just dx. This summer. We are both only 61.... I was seeing new strange language issues, new behaviors and we had so much conflict cause I kept expecting him to respond normally, so I kept pushing back, asking what was wrong w him...etc ..
Now I finally know he has the brain disease we all dread, like his mother and multiple aunts, grandfather...
Prayers for you as you start this journey.
This forum recommended these things and praise God we got it done just in time.
What happens if you leave the conversations where he goes into minute detail? Or if you tell him you have no interest at all in hearing about picking up dog poop? How does he react?
Have you talked to your doctor about how these behaviours are impacting your quality of life?