My mother is 93 and has a personality disorder and some dementia. She had emergency surgery to remove a tumor in her bowel and now she is in a rehab center. Her doctor says she will be moved to a nursing home for 3 weeks after her rehab. She will heal up in the nursing home and then undergo another surgery to reconnect her bowel so she doesn't have an ostemy bag.
Today I took her some clothes and asked the staff a lot of questions. Why is she still on a Foley (catheter)? Did they start teaching her how to empty her ostemy bag herself. Why were they typing her blood? Was she going to get a transfusion? If so why? Why were her underpants on her pillow. What was in the boxes on the tray table? Where was her schedule for her rehab work?
Five young people gathered around me and none knew the answers to any of my questions.
The lab tech who was taking blood fled as soon as I started asking my questions.
The LPN got the schedule and flipped it around in his hands until my mother told him to stop. He continued doing it to annoy her. I grabbed it from him and put it on the door where it's supposed to be. I asked him to empty my mother's bag and he told me to do it that I had to learn.
The case manager didn't have any answers to my questions and said she was responsible for my mother's dismissal. I said fine come back when my mother gets dismissed. She stormed out of the room in a huff.
The tech said she worked for a service and didn't know anything.
The OT person told me my mother had a head injury. When I asked how that happened and who diagnosed it no one knew. Then she said my mother has brain damage. She was about the goofiest one. She kept asking me all kinds of personal questions. Did I love my mother? Did I work outside the home?
I fled the place with the OT girl right behind me. I wouldn't answer her questions.
When I got home I had my mother's doctor paged and she called me back right a way. It turns out the head injury is dementia. I suggested my mother be moved to a nursing home right a way but the doctor said no she has to stay in the rehab center.
I'm afraid to go back with all those aggressive people. I think I will try to visit my mother after they go home at 5:00 p.m.
I'm not sure what I'm dealing with at the rehab? Is this some kind of Medicare scam? No one seems in charge. And they are all so young and don't seem to be able to deal with old people -- me as well as my mother.
Is there an omnibus person I can call to negotiate with the facility on my mother's behalf? I know there is one for nursing homes.
What a squirrel cage!
But mainly I am wondering if some of YOUR stress came out in the same stream as your questions, and maybe that shut down the staff. When my sister lived in a nursing facility, I watched the staff shut down when family members came in loaded with a lot of questions and the energy of "you are probably going to give my loved one bad care, and I am here to make sure that she is okay." I think it's only human to react to that kind of energy, even when it comes from a place of love for the family member in care.
Find an ally on staff. Tell that person, "I'm sorry I came on too strong. I'm just so scared for my Mom, and I'm the type of person who needs lots of information to feel on top of the situation. What should I be asking? If this was your mother, what would you be glad to see is happening already? What would you do to make sure that (the cath gets removed asap, etc.). Eating a little dirt, accepting you have some part in the disconnect (just doing the math, we all have a part in any disconnect), and asking for a roadmap of how to navigate their system -- these are things that will help you help your Mom. You don't need to be "right" or an avenger of bad care before it happens. Just be kind, listen and learn, and catch more flies with honey.
I'm really tired. I've been dealing with this latest catastrophe since 12/22.
I'm having difficulty thinking straight.
Some may already know this, but due to changes in Healthcare, the hospitals and facilities will be evaluated by the Medicare patients upon discharge. This is to improve patient care. So maybe that is voice some will now have.
I spoke with my mother's doctor who told me she can't be moved to skilled nursing until mother does a stint in rehab. This made no sense until I realized that the doctors my mother goes to probably have an investment in the rehab center and funnel their patients thru there for as much of the 20 days of Medicare as they can get.
I'm staying out of it all. I'll do my mother's laundry and visit at the end of the day. I'm too old for this nonsense.
Thanks for all the replies.
See All Answers